Season 4, Episode 7: Sexual Perversity in Space

Introducing Anne Towns as Catherine Shamrock (a character previously talked about, and now finally appearing in person).

Episode 7: Sexual Perversity in Space

As the station returned to Earth orbit from the planet Tuberon, Dwayne Tomagachi explained to his captive, Catherine Shamrock, that he had kidnapped her for her own good, since Commander Blanket had been planning on killing her. Catherine reacted to her dire predicament with unflappable cheeriness.

Jacob Fisher found a strange bale of shrink-wrapped alien hay in the barn, but didn’t think anything of it. Edwina Prototype entered with a gift…a straw hat.

JACOB: “I’ll wear it always…and I mean always.”
EDWINA: “Well, you don’t have to SLEEP in it.”
JACOB: “It’s all right. I sleep in my hat.”
EDWINA: “I wish I could confirm or deny that.”

Taken aback by Edwina’s boldness, Jacob explained the proper procedures of the Amish courting ritual, involving clandestine meetings and snack-making, until the courtship is finally announced (with the marriage following a week later). Suddenly, due to an after-effect of her electrocution last episode, Edwina started singing a seductive Latin tune.

Armageddon Uno and Cody Gage were repairing the Chicken Hawk, trying to keep their minds on the job. Finally, Armageddon couldn’t take it anymore, and he demonstrated his feelings for Cody by taking off his shades and letting her see his naked eyes for the first time. However, Cody had some shocking news to break…she’d gotten the space-mumps test results back from Dr. Shika, and she’d discovered that their DNA were so close that they may very well be brother & sister. Armageddon tried to keep from freaking out over this news.

A drunken Commander Blanket was arguing with his bee finger-puppet when Altair-9000 entered. Altair revealed he had discovered that Catherine Shamrock on board. Blanket realized that she must have been inside the 5’5” package he had received (the one labeled “Live Humans”), but had passed over opening in favor of his other package…a case of Bartles & Jaymes. Blanket tried to get Altair to join him in a drink.

BLANKET: “The more you drink, the more you’ll tell me. And the more I’ll touch you.”
ALTAIR: “Sir, this is getting uncomfortable.”
BLANKET: “That’s when it gets REALLY good!”

In spite of his despair, Scoop Quasar was still trying to work on the story of Commander Blanket’s outreach program for special-needs children. Suddenly, Dwayne Tomagachi entered and told Scoop that he had used his contacts to bring Catherine to the station.

Jacob Fisher was inspecting the model butter-churn rocket when he broke down and cried to the Lord about his lustful feelings for Edwina. Suddenly, Edwina brought in a snack (Fluffernutters & Triscuits) for a clandestine meeting. Jacob showed her the model, explaining that the actual rocket would be the size of the Empire State Building and would cover the entire Northern Hemisphere with a buttery residue when launched. He confessed that he was at an impasse, since he hadn’t been able to achieve combustion with the butter. Edwina replied that she burns butter in the kitchen all the time. Realizing that together, they could make it work, Jacob clasped Edwina in an embrace so passionate that they were caught in an explosion of buttery goo.

Dwayne Tomagachi met Altair. Since the robot already knew the truth, Dwayne dropped the Japanese act and slipped into his British accent. Altair invited Dwayne to his quarters to show him a surprise…the frozen body of Dwayne’s brother, Heinous McMurder! Enraged, Dwayne (or, should we say, Angus McMurder) dropped the British act and slipped into his Scottish accent. Altair offered to release Heinous if Dwayne/Angus would drop the censorship screens and allow Altair to transmit freely to Earth. Angus did so, but as they were about to shake hands, Altair drove a fist into his stomach.

Commander Blanket sneaked into Dwayne’s room, ready for battle. Dwayne wasn’t in, but Blanket discovered Catherine there instead.

BLANKET: “Why, you’re not evil and Japanese!”
CATHERINE: “No, I’m sweet and American.”
BLANKET: “Well, I’m drunk and old!”

Blanket informed Catherine that he was rescuing her, and gave her some Bartles & Jaymes to steel her nerve for the dangers ahead. Having never drunk alcohol before, Catherine wondered what effect it would have on her. Blanket chuckled lecherously.

Weirded out by the discovery of his incestuous relationship with Cody, Armageddon Uno visited the commissary. Edwina (still covered in buttery goo) arrived, and they had a heart-to-heart talk over a patty melt (using one of Edwina’s new Old Crow-based recipes). Edwina thought that perhaps Armageddon & Cody should use this obstacle to change their relationship from a purely sexual one to a genuine emotional bond.

Surprised by Cody while washing off the butter in the shower, Jacob Fisher covered himself with his hat and lent an understanding ear to her problem.

JACOB: “I’m not such a stranger to this situation. The Amish are a small community, and every day, we struggle with this problem. We look to the Lord for guidance. And in every case, the answer is no.”

In his quarters, Commander Blanket was showing his beehive to Catherine. He confessed that he had been trying to seduce her, but couldn’t go through with it. He said she belonged with Scoop, and told her to go find him. Catherine gave the Commander an innocent hug of gratitude just as Scoop burst in. Contrary to the cliché, Scoop DIDN’T misunderstand the situation, and thanked Blanket for the rescue. Scoop and Catherine fell to the floor in a lusty embrace.

Dwayne/Angus revived and discovered that Altair had installed some electronic parts in his body, granting the robot complete control over him. Altair demonstrated by making Angus do a jig, then ordered Dwayne to get more money from the Yamamoto Corporation…money to fund the robot revolution.

Having been left to themselves by Commander Blanket, Scoop and Catherine were sharing a tender reunion when Scoop spoiled things by mentioning what a great story this was. Catherine was upset that he thought of her as a story, but Scoop apologized and patched things up. However, thoughts of danger eroded Scoop’s happiness.

Her resolve to stay straight having been shaken, Cody Gage was desperately trying to resist the addictive power of the alien electric potato. Armageddon entered and explained that perhaps he could change his relationship with her into “a lookin’-out-for kind of way.” Her resolve finally shattered, and Cody suggested they just get high and have sex.

Scoop and Catherine made torrid love. Suddenly, Catherine disappeared and Scoop found himself on top of Commander Blanket.

Catherine had been taken away by Dwayne/Angus, who brought her to see Altair-9000. Altair warned Catherine that Scoop was so trusting that harm could easily befall him. Altair revealed his plans for the robot revolution because he sensed Catherine had a hidden side. However, Catherine revealed that hidden side by threatening to dismantle Altair if he hurts Scoop. Just then, Scoop and Commander Blanket arrived.

TO BE CONTINUED…