Episode 9: Abraham de Bergerac
Abraham Lincoln and Brigham Young were sitting together at the bar, enjoying the musical stylings of the saloon piano player Stuttering Sal. Brigham confided to Lincoln that he was conflicted between God’s plans for him and his budding romance with Madeline. Lincoln advised him to be honest with Madeline about the whole “talking with God” thing, or it would just fester between them. Brigham was so impressed by Lincoln’s words that he asked Lincoln to hide behind a cactus and feed him lines when he talks to Madeline.
Hop Hop brought some Christmas brownies to Constance Snell, then mentioned that his pet chicken, Mr. Cluck-No-More, was missing. After an awkward moment, Constance confessed that she had the chicken and had adopted him as her own pet, renaming him “Pancake.” In keeping with the Christmas spirit (even though he’s Buddhist), Hop Hop agreed to let her keep the chicken…if she gave him the saloon in exchange. Since the saloon was what meant the most in her life, Constance agreed to return Mr. Cluck-No-More. Hop Hop was so moved by her sacrifice that he decided to let her keep the chicken and the saloon…he’d just settle for her fantastic vagina.
Seeking a mate with whom to repopulate the Chipapoo tribe, Red Clay put on some deer-urine cologne and called upon his ancestors for romantic advice. Only one of his ancestors, Andy, had any experience with white women; Andy advised Red Clay to give them diamonds and pretend to listen to them. Some diamonds mysteriously appeared beneath Red Clay’s campfire.
At the general store, Roswell Diabolicus was anxiously awaiting a visit from a mystery shopper when Will McGotnuthin came in for some more wine coolers. Roswell was surprised that his new concoction had appealed to a male over age 12, but was happy to oblige a customer. Roswell asked Will how things were going at the school. Will explained that by teaching the theory of “evil-lution,” the idea that mankind is growing more evil as time goes by, he hoped that the knowledge would stop the growth of evil. Roswell insisted that Will not stand in the way of the natural order of evil, then tried to bribe him with free wine coolers. Will accepted.
Sam the Horse went to see Sheriff Madeline Clementine in her office. Sam explained that he had broken his ass twice last week, and would be unable to do any work as her deputy…but he still wanted to be paid. Madeline refused to give him any money for work he isn’t doing. Sam was so enraged that he began stomping around the office, bending over backwards, and even doing a Cossack dance, all the while insisting that he was in no physical condition to work. The argument escalated until Madeline recovered her composure and attempted to make peace. Sam offered her a piece of the action in his lawsuit against Roswell Diabolicus.
Red Clay set up a trail of rose petals to lure women to his campfire, then practiced his best impression of the legendary Chipapoo ladies’ man White Bear (the forerunner of our Barry White). Constance Snell followed the trail, accompanied by her chicken Pancake. As she talked about her new pet, Red Clay pretended to listen, then gave her the diamonds from the campfire.
RED CLAY: “Now, off-um with pants!”
CONSTANCE: “Well, as long as you keep these diamonds coming…”
Abraham Lincoln paid a visit to Castle Gayskull to serve Roswell Diabolicus with the papers for Sam’s lawsuit.
ROSWELL: “Sam is suing me for falling on his own anus?”
LINCOLN: “Well, if he fell on someone else’s, it wouldn’t be much of a lawsuit, would it?”
After getting over his initial indignation, Roswell began to see the potential of frivolous lawsuits like this one. Roswell foresaw a future in which lawyers could be a powerful tool for evil.
Hop Hop went to see how the school was coming along, and was appalled to find Will McGotnuthin drunk on wine coolers and very belligerent. Hop Hop sent the kids outside and confronted Will about his disgraceful behavior. Will and Hop Hop started to fight (while the kids placed bets). The battle came to a quick end when Hop Hop threw his hat at Will’s midsection, knocking him down.
Roswell confronted Sam about the lawsuit, upset that Sam was endangering their evil master plan by taking such actions on his own. Roswell warned that he could reveal that Sam was only a human being in a horse costume. Sam explained that the lawsuit was just his attempt to follow in Roswell’s footsteps, but it was a lame, petty attempt at evil. Sam confided that he just didn’t feel cut out for evil, and wanted to quit. He also informed Roswell that small children saw through his horse costume and kept trying to hit him. Desperate to persuade Sam to stay, Roswell devised a plan in which people in animal costumes would lure people into some sort of park, where the patrons would spend lots of money and wait in long lines. Despite the obvious evilness of this idea, Sam still quit.
Brigham Young laid a trail of rose petals to lead Madeline out to their trysting spot in the desert, where Lincoln hid behind a cactus and told Brigham what to say. Brigham kept mangling Lincoln’s words, until finally Brigham couldn’t continue the deception. He introduced Lincoln to Madeline, then sent Lincoln on his way. Once they were alone, Brigham told Madeline that he loved her, but that he’d been called by God to lead the Mormons (even though he didn’t know who or what the Mormons were). Suddenly, Red Clay interrupted, trying to seduce Madeline himself. Both God and Red Clay’s ancestors spoke up simultaneously. God told Brigham to put his gun away, and Red Clay’s ancestors urged Red Clay to “let love of Brigham Young blossom.” Taking his ancestors’ advice, Red Clay knocked Madeline out and sang a love song to Brigham. Brigham and Red Clay kissed passionately.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Showing posts with label mr. cluck-no-more. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mr. cluck-no-more. Show all posts
Friday, December 5, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Season 5, Episode 8: Lincoln, Lincoln, I've Been Thinkin'...
Episode 8: Lincoln, Lincoln, I’ve Been Thinkin’…
Still lying in the street bleeding after his duel with Will McGotnuthin, Brigham Young got a message from God. God told Brigham that he needed to lead his people to another place.
Mayor Hop Hop stopped by the school (located in the back room of Roswell Diabolicus’ general store) to find out how they were doing. Will McGotnuthin, the teacher, blamed Brigham Young for the sorry state of the school, explaining that Brigham kept taking up valuable classroom space with the store’s backstock. When Will mentioned his duel with Brigham, Hop Hop took him to task for setting a bad example for the children. Hop Hop urged Will to settle his differences like a man, by playing Chinese Checkers (“ridiculous game, with marbles and pentagram…if you lose, Satan comes up!”)
Constance Snell was tending bar when Abraham Lincoln entered. She asked to try on his stovepipe hat to see if it would make her look taller. Lincoln explained that he was traveling on a mission to make sure people don’t fight, and to set free any dogs he might see penned up.
CONSTANCE: “So what’s up with that beard & no mustache?”
LINCOLN: “Well, I have a personal stylist, and she tells me people will remember it.”
Constance invited Lincoln upstairs for a “transaction” and a game of Chinese Checkers.
Sam the Horse gave Roswell Diabolicus a ride to the store, where they discussed their evil plans. Roswell had developed a new invention to lure people to the side of evil…something called a “wine cooler.” Being sweeter and less potent than whiskey, it would be more tempting to women and 12-year-old boys. Sam proposed throwing a hoedown to recruit followers, but warned that his brittle bones might not withstand the dance. Roswell realized that Sam was so committed to evil, he’d come up with a plan that might destroy himself! Sam celebrated with a victory dance, fell and broke his ass.
The wounded Brigham Young staggered in to Sheriff Madeline Clementine’s office. Madeline awkwardly attempted to rush to his side, but explained:
MADELINE: “My accoutrements are slowing me down!”
BRIGHAM: “You got Cooter Mints?!”
Brigham explained that God had spoken to him twice since the shooting, but had forgotten to heal him. He asked Madeline to apply pressure to his wound to stop the bleeding. Madeline worried that she might drive the bullet in further.
BRIGHAM: “You always think of things like that. That’s why I love you so.”
MADELINE: “Brigham, what did you say?”
BRIGHAM: “Oh…I got to go!”
Abraham Lincoln visited the mayor’s office, where Hop Hop forced the stranger to join him in a chicken-dance to celebrate his pet Mr. Cluck-No-More’s birthday. Once that was out of the way, Lincoln offered his services as a lawyer, explaining the concept of contracts. Impressed by his speaking talent, Hop Hop suggested that Lincoln get into politics. When Hop Hop explained that politics was all about lying, Lincoln corrected him and urged him to use his authority honestly. Hop Hop was so moved that he came up with a new nickname for the visitor: “Honest Abe.”
Sam the Horse ran into Will McGotnuthin and invited him to the hoedown at Ye Olde Spaghetti Factory, asking him to bring his students as well. Sam mentioned the stranger in town, but struggled to remember Lincoln’s name. Will thought that Sam was talking about Hasem Minken, the lawyer who had unsuccessfully defended Will’s sisters and got them thrown in jail. They resolved to take revenge on Minken at the dance. Sam did a celebration dance and broke his ass again.
Abraham Lincoln stopped by Castle Gayskull, and was surprised when Roswell Diabolicus (a complete stranger to him) greeted him so familiarly. Roswell pointed out the similarity in their appearances (“Do you think you selected a big hat and chin beard randomly?”) and revealed that he was Lincoln’s biological father. Lincoln was dismayed to realize that he was the son of an evil man. Angered by his son’s rejection, Roswell warned Lincoln to beware the theatre. Lincoln vowed that he would continue his theatre-going habits undaunted.
Madeline paid a visit to Constance for some advice about Brigham’s declaration of love.
MADELINE: “Constance, what does love mean?”
CONSTANCE: “It means a handsome stranger in a stovepipe hat and private parts the likes of which you have never seen!”
Constance advised Madeline to have sex with Brigham to see how good he is before rushing into marriage. The talk of marriage took Madeline by surprise, since (being 28 years old and single) she had resigned herself to being an old maid.
Hop Hop used an ancient Chinese secret remedy to extract the bullet and heal Brigham’s wound. God spoke up, and Brigham asked God to clarify who were the “chosen people” he had to lead. God explained that Brigham had been called upon to help the morons of the world, but Brigham misunderstood. After Brigham’s talk with God, Hop Hop urged Brigham to make peace with Will. Hop Hop drove the point home by singing “The Rose.”
Will McGotnuthin was sitting at the bar, talking to Constance, when Brigham Young entered. Out of habit, Will and Brigham drew their weapons at the sight of each other. Constance persuaded them to sit down and play a game of “Connect Four” (even though none of them knew the rules). Once they’d settled down, Brigham explained that he’d been chosen to lead the Mormons to Sioux City, Iowa…and they’d need a teacher.
CONSTANCE: “Do they need a whore, too?”
BRIGHAM: “Do they ever!”
That evening, at the hoedown, everybody was enjoying themselves and partaking of Roswell’s wine coolers. The threatened conflict between Will McGotnuthin and “Hasem Minken” came to nothing when Will realized that Abraham Lincoln wasn’t his enemy. As Lincoln and Sam the Horse discussed filing a lawsuit over Sam’s broken ass, the focus shifted to Brigham Young and Madeline Clementine as they shared a passionate kiss.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Still lying in the street bleeding after his duel with Will McGotnuthin, Brigham Young got a message from God. God told Brigham that he needed to lead his people to another place.
Mayor Hop Hop stopped by the school (located in the back room of Roswell Diabolicus’ general store) to find out how they were doing. Will McGotnuthin, the teacher, blamed Brigham Young for the sorry state of the school, explaining that Brigham kept taking up valuable classroom space with the store’s backstock. When Will mentioned his duel with Brigham, Hop Hop took him to task for setting a bad example for the children. Hop Hop urged Will to settle his differences like a man, by playing Chinese Checkers (“ridiculous game, with marbles and pentagram…if you lose, Satan comes up!”)
Constance Snell was tending bar when Abraham Lincoln entered. She asked to try on his stovepipe hat to see if it would make her look taller. Lincoln explained that he was traveling on a mission to make sure people don’t fight, and to set free any dogs he might see penned up.
CONSTANCE: “So what’s up with that beard & no mustache?”
LINCOLN: “Well, I have a personal stylist, and she tells me people will remember it.”
Constance invited Lincoln upstairs for a “transaction” and a game of Chinese Checkers.
Sam the Horse gave Roswell Diabolicus a ride to the store, where they discussed their evil plans. Roswell had developed a new invention to lure people to the side of evil…something called a “wine cooler.” Being sweeter and less potent than whiskey, it would be more tempting to women and 12-year-old boys. Sam proposed throwing a hoedown to recruit followers, but warned that his brittle bones might not withstand the dance. Roswell realized that Sam was so committed to evil, he’d come up with a plan that might destroy himself! Sam celebrated with a victory dance, fell and broke his ass.
The wounded Brigham Young staggered in to Sheriff Madeline Clementine’s office. Madeline awkwardly attempted to rush to his side, but explained:
MADELINE: “My accoutrements are slowing me down!”
BRIGHAM: “You got Cooter Mints?!”
Brigham explained that God had spoken to him twice since the shooting, but had forgotten to heal him. He asked Madeline to apply pressure to his wound to stop the bleeding. Madeline worried that she might drive the bullet in further.
BRIGHAM: “You always think of things like that. That’s why I love you so.”
MADELINE: “Brigham, what did you say?”
BRIGHAM: “Oh…I got to go!”
Abraham Lincoln visited the mayor’s office, where Hop Hop forced the stranger to join him in a chicken-dance to celebrate his pet Mr. Cluck-No-More’s birthday. Once that was out of the way, Lincoln offered his services as a lawyer, explaining the concept of contracts. Impressed by his speaking talent, Hop Hop suggested that Lincoln get into politics. When Hop Hop explained that politics was all about lying, Lincoln corrected him and urged him to use his authority honestly. Hop Hop was so moved that he came up with a new nickname for the visitor: “Honest Abe.”
Sam the Horse ran into Will McGotnuthin and invited him to the hoedown at Ye Olde Spaghetti Factory, asking him to bring his students as well. Sam mentioned the stranger in town, but struggled to remember Lincoln’s name. Will thought that Sam was talking about Hasem Minken, the lawyer who had unsuccessfully defended Will’s sisters and got them thrown in jail. They resolved to take revenge on Minken at the dance. Sam did a celebration dance and broke his ass again.
Abraham Lincoln stopped by Castle Gayskull, and was surprised when Roswell Diabolicus (a complete stranger to him) greeted him so familiarly. Roswell pointed out the similarity in their appearances (“Do you think you selected a big hat and chin beard randomly?”) and revealed that he was Lincoln’s biological father. Lincoln was dismayed to realize that he was the son of an evil man. Angered by his son’s rejection, Roswell warned Lincoln to beware the theatre. Lincoln vowed that he would continue his theatre-going habits undaunted.
Madeline paid a visit to Constance for some advice about Brigham’s declaration of love.
MADELINE: “Constance, what does love mean?”
CONSTANCE: “It means a handsome stranger in a stovepipe hat and private parts the likes of which you have never seen!”
Constance advised Madeline to have sex with Brigham to see how good he is before rushing into marriage. The talk of marriage took Madeline by surprise, since (being 28 years old and single) she had resigned herself to being an old maid.
Hop Hop used an ancient Chinese secret remedy to extract the bullet and heal Brigham’s wound. God spoke up, and Brigham asked God to clarify who were the “chosen people” he had to lead. God explained that Brigham had been called upon to help the morons of the world, but Brigham misunderstood. After Brigham’s talk with God, Hop Hop urged Brigham to make peace with Will. Hop Hop drove the point home by singing “The Rose.”
Will McGotnuthin was sitting at the bar, talking to Constance, when Brigham Young entered. Out of habit, Will and Brigham drew their weapons at the sight of each other. Constance persuaded them to sit down and play a game of “Connect Four” (even though none of them knew the rules). Once they’d settled down, Brigham explained that he’d been chosen to lead the Mormons to Sioux City, Iowa…and they’d need a teacher.
CONSTANCE: “Do they need a whore, too?”
BRIGHAM: “Do they ever!”
That evening, at the hoedown, everybody was enjoying themselves and partaking of Roswell’s wine coolers. The threatened conflict between Will McGotnuthin and “Hasem Minken” came to nothing when Will realized that Abraham Lincoln wasn’t his enemy. As Lincoln and Sam the Horse discussed filing a lawsuit over Sam’s broken ass, the focus shifted to Brigham Young and Madeline Clementine as they shared a passionate kiss.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Season 5, Episode 7: A Little One Point Thanksgiving
Episode 7: A Little One Point Thanksgiving
To take his mind off of Shirlene’s death, Sam the Horse was teaching Will McGotnuthin how to pitch horseshoes. Unfortunately, it didn’t work, and Sam soon started crying so hard that he threw up. Will explained that it’s natural to be attracted to the “bad girl” (or, in Shirlene’s case, the “bad girl/boy”); it’s all part of the evolutionary process. However, Sam had been too busy putting his shoes back on to listen to Will’s explanation.
Brigham Young arrived at the general store, where Roswell Diabolicus pointed out that Brigham hadn’t been in to work in 4 weeks. Brigham explained that, as manager, he’d given himself a good talking-to about his absenteeism. Roswell decided that maybe the position of manager had been too much for Brigham, and made him assistant manager instead.
ROSWELL: “You’ll have the same responsibilities, but less pay.”
BRIGHAM: “I like where this is going.”
Adding to their problems, the store’s entire stock of food had been eaten by the rats which Shirlene let loose before she died. Roswell and Brigham discussed the idea of getting more food by hunting animals. Brigham proposed that they kill and eat Will McGotnuthin instead. Roswell admired the viciousness of Brigham’s plan.
Traumatized by her imprisonment at Castle Gayskull, Constance Snell had started hearing voices and believed that Jesus spoke to her. Constance and Hop Hop decided to go hunting for food, with Hop Hop using his new invention, the Chicken-Scope (his chicken, Mr. Cluck-No-More, attached to a rifle barrel). Constance asked why they couldn’t just eat Mr. Cluck-No-More instead.
Madeline went out to the woods to talk to Red Clay about the food shortage. Red Clay was angry about the way the white man always comes to the Indian for help, only to repay them with beads and massacres. However, with his tribe all dead, the people of Little One Point were now the only family Red Clay had. Madeline convinced Red Clay to help them with a long, moving speech about the true nature of family (which somehow incorporated the word “uterus”).
Sam the Horse paid a visit to Roswell Diabolicus, berating Roswell for revealing the fact that Roswell had fathered everyone in town.
SAM: “How are we going to keep our evil circle from being broken when we keep divulging information we shouldn’t?”
And with that, Sam pulled off his mask, revealing the human being inside his “horse” persona!
Constance Snell and Hop Hop were out hunting when Sam (back in his horse disguise) passed by, talking about how full and fat he felt. Wondering where Sam had gotten food, Hop Hop pulled out a fortune cookie for advice. The starving Constance grabbed the cookie and wolfed it down, fortune and all. Hop Hop pondered how to retrieve the fortune.
CONSTANCE: “Honey, you gonna crack me open, you’re gonna have to pay for it.”
On his way to the school, Will McGotnuthin ran into Brigham Young. They pulled their weapons on each other and decided to resume their showdown, which had been interrupted by the dynamite blast a couple of weeks ago. To make the showdown more fair, Brigham gave Will one of his guns. They took three paces, turned and fired. Both men fell.
Sam was “helping” Red Clay find food in the woods, pointing out such delicacies as crabgrass. Suddenly, a sheep wandered into the area. Red Clay carefully stalked the sheep with his bow & arrow. After Red Clay wounded the sheep, both Sam and Red Clay wrestled it to the ground and broke off its head.
Madeline paid a visit to Roswell Diabolicus to see if his genius had come up with a way of providing food. Since she had learned that Roswell was her biological father, there was even more tension than usual between them. She brought the subject around to the famine, pointing out that even Roswell looked more gaunt than usual.
ROSWELL: “Yes, I’ve lost 13 pounds…reducing my weight to 13 pounds.”
Roswell asked her to call everyone in town to the giant table, but Madeline warned him that she hoped this wasn’t one of his evil plans. Enraged, Roswell started ranting about his daughter’s ingratitude. Madeline was thrilled, because a family argument was just what they needed to make this a REAL Thanksgiving.
Will McGotnuthin and Brigham Young both came to, trying to figure out who shot whom. Will had been wounded in the arm, and Brigham, clutching his chest, declared that Will’s bullet had passed through him in four places. As Brigham lay gravely wounded, God spoke and reassured Brigham that he would live. Brigham waited for God to add more to the message, but that was it.
All the townspeople (except for Will & Brigham) gathered around the communal table, preparing for the Thanksgiving dinner of lamb and corn. Everyone took turns saying what they were thankful for. Madeline gave thanks for fashion and forgiveness. Red Clay gave thanks to the Great Sheep Spirit for letting him kick its head off. Constance was thankful that the sheep’s head was gone so she didn’t have to look at it. Roswell gave thanks that “the icy grip of death hasn’t clutched us.” Roswell then announced that he had his own contribution to make to the feast. Suddenly, he snapped the neck of his monstrous bobcat Mr. Nosy and placed it on the table as “kitty stuffing.” Finally, Hop Hop gave thanks for Little One Point, the land of opportunity. They all started singing in celebration, when Will McGotnuthin burst in and announced that Brigham Young was dying in the street.
TO BE CONTINUED…
To take his mind off of Shirlene’s death, Sam the Horse was teaching Will McGotnuthin how to pitch horseshoes. Unfortunately, it didn’t work, and Sam soon started crying so hard that he threw up. Will explained that it’s natural to be attracted to the “bad girl” (or, in Shirlene’s case, the “bad girl/boy”); it’s all part of the evolutionary process. However, Sam had been too busy putting his shoes back on to listen to Will’s explanation.
Brigham Young arrived at the general store, where Roswell Diabolicus pointed out that Brigham hadn’t been in to work in 4 weeks. Brigham explained that, as manager, he’d given himself a good talking-to about his absenteeism. Roswell decided that maybe the position of manager had been too much for Brigham, and made him assistant manager instead.
ROSWELL: “You’ll have the same responsibilities, but less pay.”
BRIGHAM: “I like where this is going.”
Adding to their problems, the store’s entire stock of food had been eaten by the rats which Shirlene let loose before she died. Roswell and Brigham discussed the idea of getting more food by hunting animals. Brigham proposed that they kill and eat Will McGotnuthin instead. Roswell admired the viciousness of Brigham’s plan.
Traumatized by her imprisonment at Castle Gayskull, Constance Snell had started hearing voices and believed that Jesus spoke to her. Constance and Hop Hop decided to go hunting for food, with Hop Hop using his new invention, the Chicken-Scope (his chicken, Mr. Cluck-No-More, attached to a rifle barrel). Constance asked why they couldn’t just eat Mr. Cluck-No-More instead.
Madeline went out to the woods to talk to Red Clay about the food shortage. Red Clay was angry about the way the white man always comes to the Indian for help, only to repay them with beads and massacres. However, with his tribe all dead, the people of Little One Point were now the only family Red Clay had. Madeline convinced Red Clay to help them with a long, moving speech about the true nature of family (which somehow incorporated the word “uterus”).
Sam the Horse paid a visit to Roswell Diabolicus, berating Roswell for revealing the fact that Roswell had fathered everyone in town.
SAM: “How are we going to keep our evil circle from being broken when we keep divulging information we shouldn’t?”
And with that, Sam pulled off his mask, revealing the human being inside his “horse” persona!
Constance Snell and Hop Hop were out hunting when Sam (back in his horse disguise) passed by, talking about how full and fat he felt. Wondering where Sam had gotten food, Hop Hop pulled out a fortune cookie for advice. The starving Constance grabbed the cookie and wolfed it down, fortune and all. Hop Hop pondered how to retrieve the fortune.
CONSTANCE: “Honey, you gonna crack me open, you’re gonna have to pay for it.”
On his way to the school, Will McGotnuthin ran into Brigham Young. They pulled their weapons on each other and decided to resume their showdown, which had been interrupted by the dynamite blast a couple of weeks ago. To make the showdown more fair, Brigham gave Will one of his guns. They took three paces, turned and fired. Both men fell.
Sam was “helping” Red Clay find food in the woods, pointing out such delicacies as crabgrass. Suddenly, a sheep wandered into the area. Red Clay carefully stalked the sheep with his bow & arrow. After Red Clay wounded the sheep, both Sam and Red Clay wrestled it to the ground and broke off its head.
Madeline paid a visit to Roswell Diabolicus to see if his genius had come up with a way of providing food. Since she had learned that Roswell was her biological father, there was even more tension than usual between them. She brought the subject around to the famine, pointing out that even Roswell looked more gaunt than usual.
ROSWELL: “Yes, I’ve lost 13 pounds…reducing my weight to 13 pounds.”
Roswell asked her to call everyone in town to the giant table, but Madeline warned him that she hoped this wasn’t one of his evil plans. Enraged, Roswell started ranting about his daughter’s ingratitude. Madeline was thrilled, because a family argument was just what they needed to make this a REAL Thanksgiving.
Will McGotnuthin and Brigham Young both came to, trying to figure out who shot whom. Will had been wounded in the arm, and Brigham, clutching his chest, declared that Will’s bullet had passed through him in four places. As Brigham lay gravely wounded, God spoke and reassured Brigham that he would live. Brigham waited for God to add more to the message, but that was it.
All the townspeople (except for Will & Brigham) gathered around the communal table, preparing for the Thanksgiving dinner of lamb and corn. Everyone took turns saying what they were thankful for. Madeline gave thanks for fashion and forgiveness. Red Clay gave thanks to the Great Sheep Spirit for letting him kick its head off. Constance was thankful that the sheep’s head was gone so she didn’t have to look at it. Roswell gave thanks that “the icy grip of death hasn’t clutched us.” Roswell then announced that he had his own contribution to make to the feast. Suddenly, he snapped the neck of his monstrous bobcat Mr. Nosy and placed it on the table as “kitty stuffing.” Finally, Hop Hop gave thanks for Little One Point, the land of opportunity. They all started singing in celebration, when Will McGotnuthin burst in and announced that Brigham Young was dying in the street.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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