Season 4, Episode 12: Cold Blanket

Introducing Randy Havens as General Turnenkopf.

Episode 12: Cold Blanket

Edwina Prototype was in the commissary, reading a book of recipes to her unborn babies, when Cody Gage arrived. Cody was fed up with the pressures of trying to be the station’s doctor. So, after Cody flipped a mysterious switch on Edwina’s head, Edwina conked Cody on the head with a frying pan to restore her memory of her true identity.

Having been frozen in carbonade by Dwayne Tomagachi (a.k.a. Angus McMurder), Commander Blanket was left alone with his thoughts. Blanket hoped that Jacob Fisher could save the station.

In the barn, Armageddon Uno was teaching Jacob the new sport he’d invented: Pig-fishing. When Armageddon kicked a pig in the head to put it down, a strangely different Scoop Quasar entered, attracted by the smell of blood. When Jacob & Armageddon noticed how Scoop had changed, the paranoid Scoop thought they were plotting against him and trying to steal “his” baby. Scoop said that Altair was the only friend he could trust, but acknowledged that he’d felt different ever since Altair picked him up last week.

ARMAGEDDON: “So let me get this straight. Altair ‘picked you up,’ became your ‘special friend,’ and now you’re pregnant?”

Dwayne Tomagachi and Altair-9000 celebrated their triumph. Altair linked himself to the station’s computers and would soon control the navigation, life support, etc. Their only problem was that Scoop kept reverting to his old, weak self…and they needed Scoop on their side so they could control the press.

General Turnenkopf, Commander Blanket’s superior officer, arrived at the station. Jacob informed him of all the sinister plots going on. General Turnenkopf vowed to restore order.

TURNENKOPF: “I’m willing to give my life for this station, if by ‘my life,’ you mean the lives of thousands of crew members.”

Scoop Quasar attempted to write a “Dear Jane” letter to Catherine Shamrock, but was unclear on the concept of what a “Dear Jane” letter is.

Armageddon Uno checked out all the parking tickets he’d accumulated on the Chicken Hawk, then reminisced (in song) about the adventures he’d had with his ship and his monkey on the planet of the slug-women.

Restored to her chief-engineer identity, Cody Gage was checking out the air-filtration system when Jacob Fisher & General Turnenkopf arrived. They explained about Altair’s takeover of the station, and the trio decided to fight back and sneak through the air ducts.

Inside Commander Blanket’s mind, the Meow Mix theme played endlessly.

Scoop took another stab at the “Dear Jane” letter, but Altair entered and destroyed it. Altair declared that any communication with Catherine, even to say goodbye, was a sign of weakness. Altair assured Scoop that he would soon be free of his human softness. Scoop got tangled up in Altair’s extension cord.

Dwayne Tomagachi psychically entered Commander Blanket’s mind to taunt him. Dwayne reminded Blanket about the time Blanket blew up that ship full of retarded kids.

DWAYNE: “Your intelligence identified it as an enemy warship. I wonder how that could have happened, hmm?”

Blanket realized that Dwayne had arranged the tragedy in retaliation for Blanket having imprisoned him years before. Commander Blanket swore revenge.

Taking a break from the commando raid, Jacob tried to figure out how to apologize to Edwina. Armageddon Uno entered and found himself face-to-face with General Turnenkopf. Turnenkopf remembered Armageddon’s cowardice at the Battle of Tartan-114, but offered to erase his AWOLization if he’d help them out.

Dwayne Tomagachi was gleefully doing his Steamboat Willie impression on the bridge, celebrating his impending victory.

DWAYNE: “Once we have our robot army, we’ll conquer Earth and Retardo-Montalban 1 through 5 and 7 through 11. And most of all, the planet of addictive potatoes!”

Edwina arrived with a new shipment of Yamamoto Corporation sushi. Dwayne explained that Commander Blanket had left the station to visit a sick relative, but Edwina refused to fall for his lies. Altair arrived and grabbed hold of Edwina. Edwina revealed that Cody Gage had turned on her super-strength by flipping that switch in the first scene, but Dwayne deactivated the switch.

DWAYNE: “You fell into the old trap…you gave exposition before you actually did what you were going to do!”

The song “Desperado” floated through Commander Blanket’s mind.

Scoop finally managed to write his “Dear Jane” letter.

In the air duct outside Dwayne’s Catacombs of Diabolical Nonsense, the commando team prepared to move in. Jacob led the team in prayer, then went in alone to try to reason with Dwayne & Altair. Sensing the others in the air ducts, Altair welded the duct shut so they could be undisturbed. Altair demonstrated their plans for Earth by smashing Jacob’s lantern. This infuriated Armageddon so much that he kicked through Altair’s welding job, and our heroes launched their attack. General Turnenkopf disarmed Altair by asking him “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck,” thus overloading the robot’s logic circuits. Armageddon then rolled Commander Blanket’s beehive across the room. Released, the bees attacked Dwayne while simultaneously warming their frozen keeper’s heart.

TO BE CONTINUED…