Episode 22: Domo Arigato, Mr. Botto
Dr. Weeds showed Cecil a slideshow of his secret mission to Harvard, concluding with his discovery of his long-lost twin sister. Cecil may be the all-knowing Chosen One, but even HE was surprised by what Weeds and his sister got up to.
Vladimir was at the front desk when he met Botto the Bandito-Bot, the last of a race of Mexican robots created by the ancient Mayan astronauts. Vladimir invited Botto to join his revolution against Dr. Buddy Flowers. Botto accepted, explaining that Dr. Buddy (or, as his people knew him, “Dr. Amigo Flores”) had wiped out his own planet. Botto explained that Dr. Buddy moved from world to world, devouring the populace and escaping by means of “The Vortex Portal,” a device resembling a giant skull with swirling eyes.
Bert & Celeste were having a quiet evening at home, trying on matching sailor caps and planning their trip in the Winnebago. Bert tried to sound happy, but couldn’t hide the fact that he was having trouble adjusting to a peaceful life. The conversation drifted to Cecil, and Celeste agreed to try to make peace with her new stepson. Celeste suggested inviting Cecil along on the honeymoon so she could get to know him. Bert couldn’t figure out a delicate way to explain why this was a bad idea.
Colonel Buttry Butts arrived at the hotel and found Dennis disguised as a dog. Dennis explained that the guests felt more comfortable dealing with a puppy than a vulture. The Colonel told Dennis that the Butts family fortune had been lost, and that he was reduced to actually looking for a job. Dennis hired Col. Butts to take over Mad Dog’s post as the Gregorio’s bartender.
Dr. Weeds took ShiShi out to Speed Zone. After Weeds won a plastic spider ring for her, ShiShi muttered “There’d better be a diamond in it.” She then poured out her heart about how Celeste’s wedding had rekindled her own desire for marriage. When Weeds brought up his first wife’s death, ShiShi assured him she would never leave him: “Even if I die on you, I’ll haunt you!” Dr. Weeds got down on his knee and proposed, suggesting they get married in Vegas.
Cecil confronted Dr. Buddy. Buddy knew Cecil had foretold his death, but he believed his new cybernetic arm would enable him to thwart the prophecy. Buddy and Cecil fought for a while, then Buddy revealed that he had secretly transformed the entire hotel into a battle station. Buddy pressed a button at the front desk.
After intermission, we picked up where we left off. Dr. Buddy revealed that that button had just destroyed Brunswick, as payback for ShiShi’s rejection of him. Buddy explained that Cecil’s powers were raw and untrained. He attempted (and failed) to strike a dramatic pose on top of the front desk, then invited Cecil to join him. Cecil accepted, sealing the bargain with a passionate kiss.
ShiShi entered the bar and met Col. Butts. After getting over the initial shock of the Colonel’s resemblance to Mad Dog, ShiShi introduced herself, and they bonded as fellow small-town Southerners. (ShiShi: “You’d love Brunswick. It’s such a peaceful town…they have no weapons!”) Col. Butts offered ShiShi some Dickel whiskey, then regaled her with the story of George Dickel (despite an interruption from the announcer).
Dr. Weeds went to his garden and discovered a letter from Dr. Buddy, informing him that Vladimir had prepared the salad that killed Weeds’ wife.
Approaching Dr. Buddy’s lair, Botto sensed that the Chosen One had turned to the Gay side of the Force. Botto told Vladimir that he was prepared to sacrifice himself to destroy the Vortex Portal. Botto struggled to express the new, unfamiliar feeling he was experiencing for Vladimir…a feeling called “friendship.” They prepared for the final battle, crying “FREEDOM!”
Going through the radio stations in their Winnebago, Bert and Celeste were shocked to hear the news of Brunswick’s destruction.
Bert: “The people of Brunswick are a peace-loving people! They have no weapons of destruction!”
Celeste: “I don’t know, have you ever tried pork rinds?”
Bert felt a sense of obligation to do something for Brunswick and Georgia. Celeste suggested that they have a baby. Bert agreed: “If you’ll let me find out about Brunswick, I’ll knock you up.”
Dennis showed Col. Butts to Mad Dog’s secret liquor vault. Col. Butts confessed his deep feelings of despair at his fall to the lowly station of bartender, his utter poverty, and his inability to fit in the modern world. Butts told Dennis that he planned to end it all. Dennis respected his decision, and asked Butts’ permission to feed upon his carcass.
Dr. Buddy and Cecil were completing their training when Botto & Vladimir burst in. Cecil and Buddy prepared for combat, but Botto revealed that, rather than attempt to take them on directly, he was going to defeat them by destroying their escape route. Botto announced that he was going to throw himself into the Vortex and “blow it all to fuck!” Cecil used his powers to force Vladimir to shoot the Bandito-Bot. Vladimir resisted Cecil’s influence just long enough for Botto to destroy the Vortex, then Vladimir lost control and opened fire, shooting everything in sight…including himself.
Bert and Celeste arrived at ShiShi’s place and told her they’d heard “the terrible news.” Thinking they were referring to her engagement to Dr. Weeds, she replied that it was the most wonderful news ever. Bert and Celeste were appalled by ShiShi’s callousness, and they argued for quite some time before they realized they weren’t talking about the same thing. To explain what was going on, Bert turned on the TV to a Ted Koppel report about the destruction of Brunswick.
Dr. Weeds was drinking in the lounge with two guys when Dennis came in. Weeds told Dennis the good news about his upcoming wedding, and invited Dennis to be his best man. To demonstrate his sincerity, Dr. Weeds killed the two guys and offered them to Dennis as a pre-wedding banquet. Suddenly, the mortally wounded Vladimir staggered in. Dr. Weeds told Vladimir that he knew his wife’s death was Vladimir’s fault…then he thanked him for releasing him from that passionless marriage and freeing him to find his true love, ShiShi. Vladimir told Weeds that he and “Mexibot” (“That’s Botto!”) had sacrificed themselves to stop Dr. Buddy. Vladimir was about to tell one last thing to Dennis, but collapsed before he could say it. Dr. Weeds decided to honor Vladimir’s heroism by burying him in the garden, rather than letting Dennis feed on him.
Colonel Buttry Butts stood on the roof of the Hotel Gregorio, watching the sunset. The ghosts of Vladimir and Botto appeared, beckoning him. The Colonel saw Dennis rubbing his stomach and smacking his beak. He wished Dennis “Bon appetit,” then jumped.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Showing posts with label buttry butts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label buttry butts. Show all posts
Monday, October 20, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Season 3, Episode 20: Wedding Bell Blues
Guest-starring Mary Kraft as Sandra Seaver and Chris Blair as Chick Starley!
Episode 20: Wedding Bell Blues
Dennis the vulture was working the front desk when Colonel Buttry Butts, Mad Dog’s long-lost, separated-at-birth conjoined twin brother arrived, looking for Mad Dog. Dennis broke the news that Mad Dog had been fired into the sun last week, but the Colonel didn’t believe him. So, Dennis gave him a ridiculously overpriced room.
Celeste was preparing for the wedding with her hearing-impaired sister Sandra Seaver, who was going to perform the ceremony as an ordained Baptist minister. Sandra was shocked to learn that Bert wasn’t Baptist, but all was forgiven once she found out he had a nice ass.
Bert and Cecil were also preparing for the wedding. Bert asked Cecil to be his best man, and assured him (or tried to, anyway) that Celeste would never replace his mother. Cecil told Bert that he’d found great confidence since becoming the Chosen One, adding that he now knew everything, including the future. Bert tried to get Cecil to tell him how the marriage would work out, but Cecil convinced him to take the future on faith.
Dr. Weeds and ShiShi were out on a date. Dr. Weeds warned ShiShi not to get too excited about the wedding, since he was plotting revenge against Bert by ruining it. ShiShi tried to persuade Weeds to give his evil ways a rest and let his enemy have a shot at happiness. Weeds began kissing ShiShi’s arm, suggesting that they ride off in Bert’s limo. ShiShi started to give in.
Dr. Buddy and 111x9 were having an argument in their alien lair. Distraught over Mad Dog’s death, Buddy blamed 111x9 for spoiling their relationship. Buddy declared “You’re no son, you’re no son of mine” and threw 111x9 out.
Dennis was still at the front desk when Chick Starley arrived. Dennis was so starstruck that he offered Chick the best room in the hotel, even though it meant kicking Col. Butts out. Chick asked about Celeste (although he couldn’t get her name right). When Dennis told him Celeste was getting married, Chick showed him a letter she sent him (in braille) telling him “No matter what happens, I’m all yours.” Dennis warned Chick that Celeste’s husband-to-be was a big man in the mafia (“Not that there is such a thing”), but Chick was unimpressed, having taken down the mob in “Danger Cop 4.”
Dr. Weeds met Col. Butts. When the Colonel asked Weeds if he had seen Mad Dog, Weeds showed him the sun and explained that Mad Dog had sacrificed himself to reignite it. This time, Col. Butts believed the story, and was heartbroken by the sad news. Dr. Weeds suggested they split a bottle of Mad Dog 20-20 in his brother’s memory.
All dressed up in her bridesmaid’s gown, ShiShi was decorating the lounge with Sandra. Sandra reminisced about the last time she visited the Gregorio, recalling how Mad Dog kept pouring liquor down her throat and then, next thing she knew, she woke up in the panhandle of Oklahoma. ShiShi sadly informed Sandra of Mad Dog’s death, and they went behind the bar to drink to his memory. Boy, did they drink to his memory!
Dr. Weeds and Col. Butts couldn’t find any Mad Dog 20-20, so they sat down with four bottles of Little Kings Creamy Brew and drank them in rapid succession.
Celeste was nervously waiting in her room when Chick Starley knocked on the door. After Chick got over the initial shock of realizing she could see, Celeste tried to shoo him out of her room. Chick showed her the letter, explaining “You sent it to my manager, Erich Mees.” Celeste denied having written the letter. Chick tried to use the patented Starley charm on Celeste, but it had no effect on her. Finally, Celeste offered to fix Chick up with her sister Sandra.
Dennis was shopping for wedding gifts with Bert. After buttering up Bert with some flattery, Dennis asked to be the best man. When Bert explained that he’d given that position to Cecil, Dennis threw a tantrum and started tossing things around. Dennis launched into a heated, emotional rant, and Bert responded with a calm, cool-headed threat. Dennis then asked “And who will feed upon YOUR carcass when you’re dead?”
Cecil was at the front desk when a tearful 111x9 came by. Being the Chosen One, Cecil knew that Dr. Buddy had thrown 111x9 out. Cecil initially gloated over 111x9’s misfortune (not to mention the head wound from when Cecil shot him last week), but his heart softened when 111x9 told him all he wanted was a little love. Cecil reassured 111x9 that Dr. Buddy was going to die soon, then he invited the boy to be the ring-bearer at the wedding.
Colonel Buttry Butts met Dr. Buddy, who mistook him for Mad Dog. After Col. Butts explained that he was Mad Dog’s brother, Dr. Buddy introduced himself as Mad Dog’s lover. The Colonel was dismayed to learn that his brother had been a “man-kisser.” Upset by Col. Butts’ homophobic attitude, Buddy exchanged some heated words with him. Finally, Dr. Buddy pulled out his lightsaber, and Col. Butts raised his cane in defense.
Cecil was waiting in the lounge when Dr. Weeds arrived. Dr. Weeds suddenly pulled a gun, explaining to Cecil that this would surely ruin Bert’s big day. Weeds fired five times, but Cecil was totally unaffected. Weeds realized that Cecil was indeed the Chosen One, and dropped to his knees in awe. Cecil explained to Weeds that he had foreseen Weeds’ disruption of the wedding, and that he approved. Just then, everybody arrived to begin the ceremony. As Bert was thanking the guests, Chick Starley came in. Consumed by jealous fury, Bert demanded to know what Chick was doing there. Dr. Weeds revealed that he had sent the letter inviting Chick. Bert ordered Cecil to kill Dr. Weeds, but Cecil shot Bert instead. Just then, Celeste began walking up the aisle. Gravely wounded but determined to go through with the wedding, Bert got to his feet and staggered up the aisle as Sandra began the ceremony. Suddenly, Dr. Buddy and Colonel Butts charged in, still engaged in their swordfight.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Episode 20: Wedding Bell Blues
Dennis the vulture was working the front desk when Colonel Buttry Butts, Mad Dog’s long-lost, separated-at-birth conjoined twin brother arrived, looking for Mad Dog. Dennis broke the news that Mad Dog had been fired into the sun last week, but the Colonel didn’t believe him. So, Dennis gave him a ridiculously overpriced room.
Celeste was preparing for the wedding with her hearing-impaired sister Sandra Seaver, who was going to perform the ceremony as an ordained Baptist minister. Sandra was shocked to learn that Bert wasn’t Baptist, but all was forgiven once she found out he had a nice ass.
Bert and Cecil were also preparing for the wedding. Bert asked Cecil to be his best man, and assured him (or tried to, anyway) that Celeste would never replace his mother. Cecil told Bert that he’d found great confidence since becoming the Chosen One, adding that he now knew everything, including the future. Bert tried to get Cecil to tell him how the marriage would work out, but Cecil convinced him to take the future on faith.
Dr. Weeds and ShiShi were out on a date. Dr. Weeds warned ShiShi not to get too excited about the wedding, since he was plotting revenge against Bert by ruining it. ShiShi tried to persuade Weeds to give his evil ways a rest and let his enemy have a shot at happiness. Weeds began kissing ShiShi’s arm, suggesting that they ride off in Bert’s limo. ShiShi started to give in.
Dr. Buddy and 111x9 were having an argument in their alien lair. Distraught over Mad Dog’s death, Buddy blamed 111x9 for spoiling their relationship. Buddy declared “You’re no son, you’re no son of mine” and threw 111x9 out.
Dennis was still at the front desk when Chick Starley arrived. Dennis was so starstruck that he offered Chick the best room in the hotel, even though it meant kicking Col. Butts out. Chick asked about Celeste (although he couldn’t get her name right). When Dennis told him Celeste was getting married, Chick showed him a letter she sent him (in braille) telling him “No matter what happens, I’m all yours.” Dennis warned Chick that Celeste’s husband-to-be was a big man in the mafia (“Not that there is such a thing”), but Chick was unimpressed, having taken down the mob in “Danger Cop 4.”
Dr. Weeds met Col. Butts. When the Colonel asked Weeds if he had seen Mad Dog, Weeds showed him the sun and explained that Mad Dog had sacrificed himself to reignite it. This time, Col. Butts believed the story, and was heartbroken by the sad news. Dr. Weeds suggested they split a bottle of Mad Dog 20-20 in his brother’s memory.
All dressed up in her bridesmaid’s gown, ShiShi was decorating the lounge with Sandra. Sandra reminisced about the last time she visited the Gregorio, recalling how Mad Dog kept pouring liquor down her throat and then, next thing she knew, she woke up in the panhandle of Oklahoma. ShiShi sadly informed Sandra of Mad Dog’s death, and they went behind the bar to drink to his memory. Boy, did they drink to his memory!
Dr. Weeds and Col. Butts couldn’t find any Mad Dog 20-20, so they sat down with four bottles of Little Kings Creamy Brew and drank them in rapid succession.
Celeste was nervously waiting in her room when Chick Starley knocked on the door. After Chick got over the initial shock of realizing she could see, Celeste tried to shoo him out of her room. Chick showed her the letter, explaining “You sent it to my manager, Erich Mees.” Celeste denied having written the letter. Chick tried to use the patented Starley charm on Celeste, but it had no effect on her. Finally, Celeste offered to fix Chick up with her sister Sandra.
Dennis was shopping for wedding gifts with Bert. After buttering up Bert with some flattery, Dennis asked to be the best man. When Bert explained that he’d given that position to Cecil, Dennis threw a tantrum and started tossing things around. Dennis launched into a heated, emotional rant, and Bert responded with a calm, cool-headed threat. Dennis then asked “And who will feed upon YOUR carcass when you’re dead?”
Cecil was at the front desk when a tearful 111x9 came by. Being the Chosen One, Cecil knew that Dr. Buddy had thrown 111x9 out. Cecil initially gloated over 111x9’s misfortune (not to mention the head wound from when Cecil shot him last week), but his heart softened when 111x9 told him all he wanted was a little love. Cecil reassured 111x9 that Dr. Buddy was going to die soon, then he invited the boy to be the ring-bearer at the wedding.
Colonel Buttry Butts met Dr. Buddy, who mistook him for Mad Dog. After Col. Butts explained that he was Mad Dog’s brother, Dr. Buddy introduced himself as Mad Dog’s lover. The Colonel was dismayed to learn that his brother had been a “man-kisser.” Upset by Col. Butts’ homophobic attitude, Buddy exchanged some heated words with him. Finally, Dr. Buddy pulled out his lightsaber, and Col. Butts raised his cane in defense.
Cecil was waiting in the lounge when Dr. Weeds arrived. Dr. Weeds suddenly pulled a gun, explaining to Cecil that this would surely ruin Bert’s big day. Weeds fired five times, but Cecil was totally unaffected. Weeds realized that Cecil was indeed the Chosen One, and dropped to his knees in awe. Cecil explained to Weeds that he had foreseen Weeds’ disruption of the wedding, and that he approved. Just then, everybody arrived to begin the ceremony. As Bert was thanking the guests, Chick Starley came in. Consumed by jealous fury, Bert demanded to know what Chick was doing there. Dr. Weeds revealed that he had sent the letter inviting Chick. Bert ordered Cecil to kill Dr. Weeds, but Cecil shot Bert instead. Just then, Celeste began walking up the aisle. Gravely wounded but determined to go through with the wedding, Bert got to his feet and staggered up the aisle as Sandra began the ceremony. Suddenly, Dr. Buddy and Colonel Butts charged in, still engaged in their swordfight.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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