Episode 13: Chick & Boozy Come to the Gregorio
Mad Dog and Celeste were eating at Grand Central Pizza Station. Celeste realized that she’d never “looked” at Mad Dog, and asked if she could feel his face. Mad Dog was confused as to how that constitutes “looking,” but agreed. Celeste mentioned that she imagined Mad Dog as a short, stout man with fiery red hair. Boy, was she surprised!
Bert was working the front desk when Chick Starley and Boozy the Imp arrived to judge the Battle of the Bands. Bert charged them $150 for the room. Chick explained that he usually get comps because he’s a big star. Bert apologized for not recognizing Chick, explaining he had amnesia. Chick offered to cure Bert’s amnesia with a few tricks from the movies, then acted out a scene from “Danger Cop 2.” Bert charged him $175 for the room.
Dr. Weeds and Dennis the vulture went to see their new therapist, Dr. Buddy Flowers (“Just call me Dr. Buddy”). Dr. Buddy speculated that part of Dr. Weeds’ problem was his negative-sounding name. He suggested that Dr. Weeds change his name to “Dr. Happyman.”
Eb & Flo Towers, the Twin Towers of Rock, were warming up in the lounge when Doris Mayfield came in to clean out her locker. Doris explained that she used to be ShiShi LaRue, the hotel’s lounge singer, but she’d given up her self-destructive lifestyle of drinking and singing. The Twin Towers were consumed with despair over Doris’ decision to “let the music die.”
Dennis and Mad Dog were in the bar, going over the books. Dennis pointed out that they lost $20,000 last year, but Mad Dog didn’t care about the money as long as he had his booze. Dennis confronted Mad Dog about his drinking problem. Mad Dog was filled with shame.
Celeste showed Chick & Boozy to their room. To save time, Chick dispensed with the formalities and came on to Celeste. Celeste was taken aback, and insisted she wasn’t that kind of girl. Chick tried to get her drunk by offering her a Franzia. Celeste suddenly recognized his voice from the Franzia commercials, and was immediately starstruck.
Doris ran into Bert and was surprised by his new look. Bert explained that he had amnesia and had taken to calling himself “Travis.” Doris told “Travis” that his former life as Bert was probably best forgotten. He agreed, saying that he wanted to be a good person and that he was ashamed of his violent attack on Dr. Weeds.
Doris: “So you’d rather be Travis than Bert?”
Travis/Bert: “I just wanna be me. I’d like to grow some hair, too.”
Dr. Buddy got Dr. Weeds to change his image with a new Panama Jack/Jimmy Buffett-style “summer” outfit.
Celeste and “Travis” had a heart-to-heart talk about their relationship. Celeste explained that she just didn’t feel the chemistry or excitement that she had with the old Bert.
Travis/Bert: “Are you breaking up with me?”
Celeste: “Let’s just say I got Chick Starley’s room key.”
Dennis brought Mad Dog to see Dr. Buddy about his drinking problem. Mad Dog’s and Dr. Buddy’s eyes met, and they were instantly smitten with each other. Dr. Buddy tried to talk to Mad Dog about his drinking by using a whale puppet (much to Dennis’ amusement). But the attraction was too strong, and Dr. Buddy finally gave in and sensually shared a beer with Mad Dog.
The Battle of the Bands began, with the Twin Towers starting off. Judges Chick and Boozy exchanged lewd comments about Florence Towers (“She looks like Meredith Baxter-Birney if she went all wrong!”). The Twin Towers started rockin’, but it wasn’t long before Chick & Boozy gonged them. Ebony Towers remarked that maybe they should follow Doris’ example and quit. Florence was shocked to hear her brother talking that way, and they got into a serious argument.
Doris ran into Dr. Weeds and cracked up over his new look. He explained that he was trying to change.
Dr. Weeds: “I’m lightening up, I’m wearing khaki shorts, I’m showing off all four of my chest hairs. I named them after the members of Yes.”
Doris was charmed by Weeds’ new persona, and told him that she had changed too. Dr. Weeds invited Doris to dinner at Red Lobster. She was reluctant, but soon gave in.
Celeste came into Chick’s room and found him taking a break from his judge duties. Chick offered her the “full treatment” (“a full body massage followed by oral sex”), and they immediately jumped into bed together and started tossing their clothes away. Bert peered in through the window.
A drunken Mad Dog and Dr. Buddy went to see Doris to try to get her to start drinking again. Dr. Buddy showed Doris his navel (he’s an outie) and told her that he found himself in a bottle. When that didn’t work, he tried using a Jar Jar Binks puppet to persuade her to drink, attracting the wrath of Boozy the Imp.
Boozy: “There’s-a only room here for one puppet that talks funny and tells people to drink, and that’s-a me!”
Boozy and Jar Jar/Dr. Buddy started fighting. Doris and Mad Dog were flabbergasted.
Chick & Boozy met the next entrants in the Battle of the Bands: The Kerosene Drinkin’ Outlaws (direct from “Whiskey Soaked Lover,” coming soon to Dad’s Garage!), singing “Oakie from Muskogee.”
Dejected over losing the Battle of the Bands, Flo Towers ran into Bert. She asked him if he could get her into Chick’s room. Bert was more than happy to assist, explaining: “As long as you can get the better of Chick Starley, I’ll go along with it.”
Dr. Weeds was preparing for his date with Doris. Dennis arrived, cracked up over Weeds’ new look, then complimented him on it. They discussed Weeds’ new attitude (“I feel less evil, but more like a frat boy”), their communication problems, and Weeds’ upcoming date with Doris at Red Lobster. Dennis reminded Dr. Weeds about his wife’s fatal dinner at the Olive Garden, then asked if it was a good idea to take another woman to another crappy chain restaurant.
Chick & Boozy were getting ready to wrap up the Battle of the Bands when Mad Dog dragged Doris on stage. When Mad Dog’s bullying tactics couldn’t change Doris’ mind, Boozy tried gentle persuasion. He reminded Doris of her great talent, and asked her to remember where her singing came from. Doris DID remember, it came from her liver. Doris took a swig and ShiShi was reborn! Getting back into the groove, ShiShi brought down the house with a rousing rendition of “I Will Survive.”
TO BE CONTINUED…
Showing posts with label flo towers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label flo towers. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Season 3, Episode 11: Heavy Metal Poisoning
Episode 12: Heavy Metal Poisoning
An amnesiac Bert Caponé was released from the hospital after having been wounded in last week’s big shoot-out. Because he’d been grazed on both temples, the doctors had shaved both sides of his head (but not the center). The doctors also gave him some sunglasses and an old army jacket. Bert’s new look seemed strangely familiar…
Mad Dog met the hotel’s new musical act, the heavy-metal siblings Ebony & Florence Towers, “The Twin Towers of Rock!” Impressed, Mad Dog told them he had their workout video.
Celeste was released from prison, and Vladimir took her back to the hotel. They had a heart-to-heart talk about their recent experiences, and Vladimir declared “We will both go into hotel as new people.” With that, he pulled off his hair extensions.
With Bert having lost his memory and the gravely wounded Cecil still waiting to be admitted at Grady Hospital, Dr. Weeds was now in charge of the Gregorio. Dr. Weeds gloated over his good fortune with Dennis the vulture. Dennis tried to ask Dr. Weeds how his horrible wounds had vanished without a trace, but since Weeds couldn’t understand Dennis’ crowing, that mystery remains unanswered. Dr. Weeds got all moody and suggested to Dennis that they both see a therapist.
Bert met Tillie outside the hotel. He offered to introduce himself, but explained that he didn’t know who he was. Not recognizing him, Tillie was intrigued by the mysterious stranger. They went out for apple pie & cheese, and picked out a new name for the amnesiac: Travis Tritt.
Celeste was at the front desk when the cowboy-suited wrestling manager Bellagio Sphinx arrived. He explained that he was in town for the WCW’s big “Fall Brawl F’r All Y’All.” He took a liking to Celeste, and got her 2 comp tickets.
Vladimir and Mad Dog had a discussion about their band “Gulag,” and the arrival of the Twin Towers. Somewhere along the way, the topic drifted to Mad Dog’s green nail polish.
Eb & Flo Towers introduced themselves to Dr. Weeds, explaining that they’d be performing that weekend. When they described their music as “speed metal, heavy metal, etc.”, Dr. Weeds muttered a sinister offhand comment: “That won’t be missed.” Dennis arrived and told Dr. Weeds he was hungry. Weeds replied that he was too.
Dr. Weeds held a staff meeting. When Celeste asked if it was up to health code for Dennis to be inside the hotel, Dr. Weeds informed them that Dennis would now be in charge of the hotel’s day-to-day operations while Weeds concentrated on his laser. Vladimir traumatized Dennis with the front desk’s quill pen.
Tillie brought “Travis” to the Gregorio. He found the place strangely familiar, particularly the smell. (“That’s mothballs,” Tillie explained.) When he asked about her living in a hotel, she insisted that it was a retirement home. She explained that she’d been kicked out of every other home for sleeping around, then had a flashback to illustrate.
Bellagio Sphinx had a drink at the bar. He and Mad Dog recognized each other and did their secret handshake. They reminisced about Mad Dog’s career as “Mad Dog Maddox, the Wrestling Bonaventure.” Mad Dog explained that he had to leave because of his powerful, forbidden love for Bellagio. Bellagio replied “It’s only natural for a guy to love his papa!” Stunned by this revelation, Mad Dog made Bellagio prove that he was his father by suckling him.
The Twin Towers were doing their sound check in the lounge. Ebony recounted the time Dee Snyder told him to “stick to his guns,” which is why they haven’t changed their act since 1981. They started their set off with “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Dennis the vulture joined in.
Dennis was going over the new front desk policies to Vladimir, who resented having his job explained to him by a scavenger. Dennis taught Vladimir the basics of phone courtesy and customer relations, then gave him a raise. Vladimir got over his resentment.
Bert ran into Celeste, who recognized his voice. She tearfully poured out her heart to him about their relationship and her imprisonment, but he had no idea what she was talking about. She tried to bring him up to speed. When she mentioned Dr. Weeds, a glimmer of memory came back to him: “I remember that name! That is a name I hate, and I do not remember why I hate it!” Somebody paged Dr. Weeds over the intercom, and Bert screamed at the sound of it.
Bellagio Sphinx and Mad Dog went over their family album. Mad Dog began singing a song about his childhood, titled “Father, You Cheated Me.”
Dr. Weeds called Eb & Flo Towers to his office. He told them he’d been listening to their records backwards, and he liked what he heard. Tillie stopped by to return the records, and then Dennis called on the phone to suggest a “Battle of the Bands.” Dr. Weeds liked the idea, and arranged a competition between ShiShi and The Twin Towers. Eb mocked Dennis’ crowing. Dennis flew in and pooped on Eb’s hair.
Dennis informed Tillie that her rent would be going up to $1000 a month. Tillie told Dennis that Passover was coming, and with it the tradition of “Mah nish ta nah ha li lah ha zeh ha Dennis.” Dennis asked if that was a threat. Tillie initially said no, then changed her mind and started strangling the bird.
Celeste brought Bert to see Vladimir. Bert asked Vladimir for a job at the hotel. Vladimir tried to remind Bert that he was the owner, but Bert didn’t believe it. Vladimir tried to get Bert to hit him just like old times, but Bert insisted “I couldn’t hurt a living soul.” Just then, Dr. Weeds arrived, taunting Bert about all the things he’d done to him. Bert started beating up Dr. Weeds.
Celeste: “Can’t we go a week without killing somebody?”
TO BE CONTINUED…
An amnesiac Bert Caponé was released from the hospital after having been wounded in last week’s big shoot-out. Because he’d been grazed on both temples, the doctors had shaved both sides of his head (but not the center). The doctors also gave him some sunglasses and an old army jacket. Bert’s new look seemed strangely familiar…
Mad Dog met the hotel’s new musical act, the heavy-metal siblings Ebony & Florence Towers, “The Twin Towers of Rock!” Impressed, Mad Dog told them he had their workout video.
Celeste was released from prison, and Vladimir took her back to the hotel. They had a heart-to-heart talk about their recent experiences, and Vladimir declared “We will both go into hotel as new people.” With that, he pulled off his hair extensions.
With Bert having lost his memory and the gravely wounded Cecil still waiting to be admitted at Grady Hospital, Dr. Weeds was now in charge of the Gregorio. Dr. Weeds gloated over his good fortune with Dennis the vulture. Dennis tried to ask Dr. Weeds how his horrible wounds had vanished without a trace, but since Weeds couldn’t understand Dennis’ crowing, that mystery remains unanswered. Dr. Weeds got all moody and suggested to Dennis that they both see a therapist.
Bert met Tillie outside the hotel. He offered to introduce himself, but explained that he didn’t know who he was. Not recognizing him, Tillie was intrigued by the mysterious stranger. They went out for apple pie & cheese, and picked out a new name for the amnesiac: Travis Tritt.
Celeste was at the front desk when the cowboy-suited wrestling manager Bellagio Sphinx arrived. He explained that he was in town for the WCW’s big “Fall Brawl F’r All Y’All.” He took a liking to Celeste, and got her 2 comp tickets.
Vladimir and Mad Dog had a discussion about their band “Gulag,” and the arrival of the Twin Towers. Somewhere along the way, the topic drifted to Mad Dog’s green nail polish.
Eb & Flo Towers introduced themselves to Dr. Weeds, explaining that they’d be performing that weekend. When they described their music as “speed metal, heavy metal, etc.”, Dr. Weeds muttered a sinister offhand comment: “That won’t be missed.” Dennis arrived and told Dr. Weeds he was hungry. Weeds replied that he was too.
Dr. Weeds held a staff meeting. When Celeste asked if it was up to health code for Dennis to be inside the hotel, Dr. Weeds informed them that Dennis would now be in charge of the hotel’s day-to-day operations while Weeds concentrated on his laser. Vladimir traumatized Dennis with the front desk’s quill pen.
Tillie brought “Travis” to the Gregorio. He found the place strangely familiar, particularly the smell. (“That’s mothballs,” Tillie explained.) When he asked about her living in a hotel, she insisted that it was a retirement home. She explained that she’d been kicked out of every other home for sleeping around, then had a flashback to illustrate.
Bellagio Sphinx had a drink at the bar. He and Mad Dog recognized each other and did their secret handshake. They reminisced about Mad Dog’s career as “Mad Dog Maddox, the Wrestling Bonaventure.” Mad Dog explained that he had to leave because of his powerful, forbidden love for Bellagio. Bellagio replied “It’s only natural for a guy to love his papa!” Stunned by this revelation, Mad Dog made Bellagio prove that he was his father by suckling him.
The Twin Towers were doing their sound check in the lounge. Ebony recounted the time Dee Snyder told him to “stick to his guns,” which is why they haven’t changed their act since 1981. They started their set off with “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Dennis the vulture joined in.
Dennis was going over the new front desk policies to Vladimir, who resented having his job explained to him by a scavenger. Dennis taught Vladimir the basics of phone courtesy and customer relations, then gave him a raise. Vladimir got over his resentment.
Bert ran into Celeste, who recognized his voice. She tearfully poured out her heart to him about their relationship and her imprisonment, but he had no idea what she was talking about. She tried to bring him up to speed. When she mentioned Dr. Weeds, a glimmer of memory came back to him: “I remember that name! That is a name I hate, and I do not remember why I hate it!” Somebody paged Dr. Weeds over the intercom, and Bert screamed at the sound of it.
Bellagio Sphinx and Mad Dog went over their family album. Mad Dog began singing a song about his childhood, titled “Father, You Cheated Me.”
Dr. Weeds called Eb & Flo Towers to his office. He told them he’d been listening to their records backwards, and he liked what he heard. Tillie stopped by to return the records, and then Dennis called on the phone to suggest a “Battle of the Bands.” Dr. Weeds liked the idea, and arranged a competition between ShiShi and The Twin Towers. Eb mocked Dennis’ crowing. Dennis flew in and pooped on Eb’s hair.
Dennis informed Tillie that her rent would be going up to $1000 a month. Tillie told Dennis that Passover was coming, and with it the tradition of “Mah nish ta nah ha li lah ha zeh ha Dennis.” Dennis asked if that was a threat. Tillie initially said no, then changed her mind and started strangling the bird.
Celeste brought Bert to see Vladimir. Bert asked Vladimir for a job at the hotel. Vladimir tried to remind Bert that he was the owner, but Bert didn’t believe it. Vladimir tried to get Bert to hit him just like old times, but Bert insisted “I couldn’t hurt a living soul.” Just then, Dr. Weeds arrived, taunting Bert about all the things he’d done to him. Bert started beating up Dr. Weeds.
Celeste: “Can’t we go a week without killing somebody?”
TO BE CONTINUED…
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