Episode 18: Another Day, Another Shooting
Constance was cleaning up the bar with her new invention, something she called “paper towels.” Jesus Christ entered and ordered a glass of water, which he immediately turned into wine. Realizing that she was in the presence of the savior, Constance fell at his feet. Constance told Jesus that she has no longer whoring since she removed her vagina. Jesus replied that he didn’t object to her former profession, reminding her that his girlfriend was a whore. Jesus then asked her to think about the child she conceived with Brigham Young. Constance admitted that she didn’t feel any connection to it, since Roswell Diabolicus had actually carried and given birth to the child. Jesus urged Constance to get the baby back and find that connection.
Brigham Young had just finished putting metal plates in the street (as part of Roswell’s diabolical invention “traffic”), when Judge X walked by. Judge X explained that he was aiming to take down Will McGotnuthin. However, being bound by the law, Judge X couldn’t take action unless Will actually broke the law. Brigham suggested provoking a duel with Will, so that Judge X could shoot Will after Will shoots Brigham.
Having previously taken over the mayor’s office, Trapper Jean expanded his power base by claiming the general store. Roswell Diabolicus arrived and accused Jean of betraying their alliance by moving in on Roswell’s territory. Jean explained that he was upset and neglected because they weren’t spending any quality evil time together. Suddenly, the mysterious stranger entered, and Roswell recognized him as his old arch-nemesis, Ass Masterson! Roswell had thought Ass had died years ago in a carriage explosion, but Ass replied that he had missed that carriage. Jean desperately demanded to know who really died in that explosion.
Will was teaching class, as Judge X watched through a hole in the wall. Trapper Jean strolled by and told Judge X that he was peeking through the wrong wall to see the boys’ locker room. Inside, Madeline entered to discuss the Judge X situation with Will. Madeline resented the Judge coming into town and overriding her authority. Will replied that she didn’t need to worry about Judge X. (MADELINE: “I wasn’t worried, I was getting ready to kick ass!”) Will explained that he was leaving town so that Judge X would leave Little One Point alone. Outside, Constance walked by and informed Judge X that word was getting around about his peeping-tom ways.
Constance was sitting around at home, singing “Happy Birthday” to herself. Brigham entered, and Constance told him about Jesus’ admonition to get the baby back from Roswell Diabolicus. Brigham revealed that he’d been thinking the same thing, and showed her the birthday present he’d brought…a little purple cowboy outfit for the baby. Brigham explained that he’d joined Roswell to dull the pain of his broken heart, but that he now realized he needed his child. He told her that they should raise the baby together and let it know both its parents…at least until Brigham leaves for Utah.
Trapper Jean continued to expand his empire by claiming the jail. Madeline entered and told him he couldn’t just waltz in and take things over. When Jean mockingly asked what she was going to do about it, she responded by locking him up.
Judge X followed relentlessly as Will went about his daily routine: the ice cream store, the dog track, the methadone clinic…
At Castle Gayskull, Roswell Diabolicus was bonding with the baby when Constance arrived, on the pretext of showing Roswell her new invention. As she explained the concept of “paper towels,” Roswell pointed out how wasteful her invention was. Suddenly, Roswell realized that the potential damage to the environment would make Constance’s invention a great tool for evil. Roswell gave Constance a hug to congratulate her, and Constance took advantage of the distraction to snatch the baby.
Brigham Young was at the bar, all set to say his farewells to the town…except nobody was there to hear him. Jesus Christ entered and revealed his identity to Brigham. Brigham was still reeling from this revelation when Jesus explained that Brigham was chosen to be a prophet as well. Brigham confessed that his faith had been shaky recently. He used to talk to God constantly, but hadn’t heard from Him since Brigham started his relationship with Red Clay (a relationship now referred to as “the unpleasantness”). Jesus told Brigham that God still had a place in His heart for Brigham, and that Brigham still had a destiny to fulfill. Moved by Jesus’ words (especially after Jesus told him he’d be able to marry as many broads as he wanted), Brigham resolved to go to Utah and found the Mormons.
Now that Constance had taken the baby away, Roswell Diabolicus was freaking out. Since he couldn’t use the baby’s divine powers to conquer the world, Roswell resolved to destroy the world instead. Gloating maniacally to himself, Roswell recalled that, back when he was hopped up on caffeine from Constance-Cola, he managed to construct his greatest weapon: The Rhode Island Cannon (as mentioned in the first two episodes, and completely forgotten since then). With a cannon capable of firing Rhode Island-sized cannonballs, he would only need 500 shots to destroy all the land mass on Earth. Roswell laughed diabolically.
Judge X was sleeping when Will McGotnuthin snuck into his room, cracking his whip to wake the Judge. Judge X was thrilled that Will, by breaking & entering, had finally given the Judge an excuse to put him away. Will replied that the Judge couldn’t put him away if he was dead…then threatened to hang himself with his whip.
JUDGE X: “No! Don’t throw it all away now! You’ve got many years ahead of you behind bars.”
Will realized that killing Judge X would be more beneficial than killing himself. Judge X warned Will that if he killed him, it only meant that Judge XI would take over the job, then Judge XII, then back again to Judge I, and so on. Suddenly, Brigham Young entered and pulled a gun on Judge X. Brigham explained that he realized that Will had turned his life around, and he couldn’t let Will throw his new life away. Since Brigham was leaving town anyway, he might as well take the heat off Will. With that, Brigham shot Judge X.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Showing posts with label judge x. Show all posts
Showing posts with label judge x. Show all posts
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Season 5, Episode 17: And There Shall Come a Savior
Episode 17: And There Shall Come a Savior
Having killed Hop Hop and disposed of the body, self-appointed Mayor Trapper Jean was going over some paperwork in his office. Sheriff Madeline Clementine arrived, looking for Hop Hop. Jean told her that Hop Hop had traveled further West to pursue his destiny. This explanation surprised Madeline, since she couldn’t imagine Hop Hop leaving so soon after starting his theater. Madeline was equally puzzled by the fact that Jean had declared himself mayor. She suggested that perhaps the mayor should be chosen by election, but then realized that was just foolish talk.
Constance was tending bar when the mysterious Judge X entered, searching for Will McGotnuthin. He explained that he was the tenth in a posse of the twelve toughest judges in the West, scouring the land to hunt down the country’s most notorious outlaws. Constance couldn’t believe that Will was a wanted man.
Roswell was singing “Rock-a-Bye Baby” to Brigham Young’s baby, which he had kidnapped in utero and given birth to himself. Brigham entered with a delivery of baby supplies from the general store. Since Brigham had lost the love of his life when he was forced to kill Red Clay, Brigham explained that he had nothing left to lose by joining Roswell. If joining the forces of evil was the price of being with his son, then so be it. Eagerly accepting his new ally, Roswell explained his latest evil plan…a new concept he called “traffic.”
Will McGotnuthin was teaching a French lesson when a mysterious heavenly music resounded through the room. Immediately afterwards, Jesus Christ entered. Not realizing the visitor’s identity, Will was initially hostile towards the stranger, but warmed up when Jesus spoke approvingly of the Montessori system. Will and Jesus came up with an idea of teaching lessons through metaphorical stories with animals. As an example, Jesus told a story involving a pair of bulls.
Judge X paid a visit to the mayor’s office, still searching for Will. Remembering the legend of the Twelve Judges, Jean was intimidated, but still told Judge X that he believed that Will was a changed man.
JUDGE X: “A horse doesn’t change its spots…unless you paint it.”
JEAN: “But zat is a horse of a different color.”
At high noon, a mysterious stranger arrived in Little One Point…a stranger wearing seatless pants, with the words “Love” and “Hate” tattooed on his cheeks.
Constance was napping in her room when Roswell Diabolicus entered and woke her up. Roswell explained that he needed her advice on taking care of the baby. He offered to return Constance’s reproductive system, since he was done with it now. However, since Constance had removed Roswell’s vagina (which he had switched with hers), she was now completely genital-free, and happy that way. She explained that it would be a lot easier for her to quit whoring now that she didn’t have a vagina. (Roswell’s response: “You’ve still got a mouth!”)
After launching Roswell’s evil “traffic” plan by filling the streets with carriages, holes, and metal plates, Brigham Young paid a visit to Red Clay’s campfire to mourn his loss. Jesus arrived (introducing himself as “Jessie Christianson”) and tried to make Brigham realize that he hadn’t yet lost EVERYTHING. Jesus told Brigham that he still had that joy deep inside his heart, but Brigham replied that he wanted to kill that joy, so it wouldn’t hurt him anymore. Jesus assured Brigham that he was still on the right path. Jesus touched Brigham’s forehead, and Brigham suddenly realized that he WASN’T supposed to go to Iowa (“NOBODY should go to Iowa!”).
Trying to figure out what to do about Trapper Jean’s seizing power, Madeline thought back over the town’s history. She realized that, if she could find the town charter, she’d learn how to take over the town herself and run it HER way…with lots of shops.
Trapper Jean was at the bar when the mysterious bare-assed stranger arrived. They shared a drink, and the stranger asked Jean if he was truly happy. Jean suddenly realized just how empty his life was. (“It is like you are reaching inside my brain and reading it like some kind of brain-book!”) The stranger explained that he had grown up in Little One Point, but it was even smaller then. At this point, Jean finally saw the stranger’s pantslessness and exclaimed “Jesus Christ!” Hearing his name, Jesus rushed in.
Will McGotnuthin was going over the lesson plans when Judge X entered. Judge X explained that he’d had a hard time finding him, thanks to Will’s clever disguise of changing the pronunciation (though not the spelling) of his name. Will recognized Judge X as the man who had sent Will’s sisters to jail. Will informed the judge that he had changed his ways and was on the straight and narrow. Judge X warned Will that he was watching and waiting for Will to make just one little misstep. Judge X “tested” Will by dropping a ten-dollar bill on the floor and waiting for him to steal it. When one of Will’s students picked it up instead, the judge whacked little Timmy with his gavel.
Roswell Diabolicus was doing some housework with Brigham’s baby when Jesus entered. Facing his arch-nemesis, Roswell bragged that neither Jesus nor his father had been able to stop his evil plans to date. Jesus told Roswell that there was still hope for him to find the path of righteousness. After all, if Roswell were truly as evil as he claimed, he would have simply smashed the baby’s skull. Roswell replied that he HAD tried that, but the baby was invulnerable. Roswell demonstrated with some wrestling moves.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Having killed Hop Hop and disposed of the body, self-appointed Mayor Trapper Jean was going over some paperwork in his office. Sheriff Madeline Clementine arrived, looking for Hop Hop. Jean told her that Hop Hop had traveled further West to pursue his destiny. This explanation surprised Madeline, since she couldn’t imagine Hop Hop leaving so soon after starting his theater. Madeline was equally puzzled by the fact that Jean had declared himself mayor. She suggested that perhaps the mayor should be chosen by election, but then realized that was just foolish talk.
Constance was tending bar when the mysterious Judge X entered, searching for Will McGotnuthin. He explained that he was the tenth in a posse of the twelve toughest judges in the West, scouring the land to hunt down the country’s most notorious outlaws. Constance couldn’t believe that Will was a wanted man.
Roswell was singing “Rock-a-Bye Baby” to Brigham Young’s baby, which he had kidnapped in utero and given birth to himself. Brigham entered with a delivery of baby supplies from the general store. Since Brigham had lost the love of his life when he was forced to kill Red Clay, Brigham explained that he had nothing left to lose by joining Roswell. If joining the forces of evil was the price of being with his son, then so be it. Eagerly accepting his new ally, Roswell explained his latest evil plan…a new concept he called “traffic.”
Will McGotnuthin was teaching a French lesson when a mysterious heavenly music resounded through the room. Immediately afterwards, Jesus Christ entered. Not realizing the visitor’s identity, Will was initially hostile towards the stranger, but warmed up when Jesus spoke approvingly of the Montessori system. Will and Jesus came up with an idea of teaching lessons through metaphorical stories with animals. As an example, Jesus told a story involving a pair of bulls.
Judge X paid a visit to the mayor’s office, still searching for Will. Remembering the legend of the Twelve Judges, Jean was intimidated, but still told Judge X that he believed that Will was a changed man.
JUDGE X: “A horse doesn’t change its spots…unless you paint it.”
JEAN: “But zat is a horse of a different color.”
At high noon, a mysterious stranger arrived in Little One Point…a stranger wearing seatless pants, with the words “Love” and “Hate” tattooed on his cheeks.
Constance was napping in her room when Roswell Diabolicus entered and woke her up. Roswell explained that he needed her advice on taking care of the baby. He offered to return Constance’s reproductive system, since he was done with it now. However, since Constance had removed Roswell’s vagina (which he had switched with hers), she was now completely genital-free, and happy that way. She explained that it would be a lot easier for her to quit whoring now that she didn’t have a vagina. (Roswell’s response: “You’ve still got a mouth!”)
After launching Roswell’s evil “traffic” plan by filling the streets with carriages, holes, and metal plates, Brigham Young paid a visit to Red Clay’s campfire to mourn his loss. Jesus arrived (introducing himself as “Jessie Christianson”) and tried to make Brigham realize that he hadn’t yet lost EVERYTHING. Jesus told Brigham that he still had that joy deep inside his heart, but Brigham replied that he wanted to kill that joy, so it wouldn’t hurt him anymore. Jesus assured Brigham that he was still on the right path. Jesus touched Brigham’s forehead, and Brigham suddenly realized that he WASN’T supposed to go to Iowa (“NOBODY should go to Iowa!”).
Trying to figure out what to do about Trapper Jean’s seizing power, Madeline thought back over the town’s history. She realized that, if she could find the town charter, she’d learn how to take over the town herself and run it HER way…with lots of shops.
Trapper Jean was at the bar when the mysterious bare-assed stranger arrived. They shared a drink, and the stranger asked Jean if he was truly happy. Jean suddenly realized just how empty his life was. (“It is like you are reaching inside my brain and reading it like some kind of brain-book!”) The stranger explained that he had grown up in Little One Point, but it was even smaller then. At this point, Jean finally saw the stranger’s pantslessness and exclaimed “Jesus Christ!” Hearing his name, Jesus rushed in.
Will McGotnuthin was going over the lesson plans when Judge X entered. Judge X explained that he’d had a hard time finding him, thanks to Will’s clever disguise of changing the pronunciation (though not the spelling) of his name. Will recognized Judge X as the man who had sent Will’s sisters to jail. Will informed the judge that he had changed his ways and was on the straight and narrow. Judge X warned Will that he was watching and waiting for Will to make just one little misstep. Judge X “tested” Will by dropping a ten-dollar bill on the floor and waiting for him to steal it. When one of Will’s students picked it up instead, the judge whacked little Timmy with his gavel.
Roswell Diabolicus was doing some housework with Brigham’s baby when Jesus entered. Facing his arch-nemesis, Roswell bragged that neither Jesus nor his father had been able to stop his evil plans to date. Jesus told Roswell that there was still hope for him to find the path of righteousness. After all, if Roswell were truly as evil as he claimed, he would have simply smashed the baby’s skull. Roswell replied that he HAD tried that, but the baby was invulnerable. Roswell demonstrated with some wrestling moves.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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