Episode 7: Everybody Dies (Okay, Two People Die)
Assistant Coach Damon received a phone call from the hospital, informing him that Lewis Von Kemia had died.
School custodian Mr. Cook was helping Russian exchange student Poonivich Pantisoff with her work-study program by having her assist him in changing the lights. She was all too familiar with the dangers of fluorescent tubes, due to the disastrous bulb-factory explosion in her hometown.
The German music teacher Glenn Wilfong was instructing Gwendolyn Pinchot in how to become more evil. She told him that her worst enemy in the school was Miller. However, since Miller’s first act as student council president was to give himself a week off, she couldn’t take revenge on him right now. Her second choice: Sterling Schremerhorn.
By the lockers, undercover cop Joe Luderman broke the news of Lewis’ death to Sterling. Shocked, Sterling blamed herself (not unreasonably, since she was the one who ran over him), but Joe informed her that it was Owen Tasker who had caused Lewis’ cancer.
Owen Tasker was giving blood for the school blood drive when Assistant Coach Damon entered and informed him of Lewis’ death. Damon urged Owen to give more blood in Lewis’ memory…and to earn another letter.
At the Crash Pad, Mr. Cook broke the news to Gwen. Gwen was stunned by this latest loss, on top of her father’s death earlier this year. Cook reminisced about his friendship with her father, shooting pool and coming to all of Gwen’s softball games.
Joe Luderman was directing a public-service announcement for the school’s closed-circuit TV channel, with Assistant Coach Damon warning the students of the dangers of drugs. (“Nine out of ten kids who do drugs die. And that’s a promise.”)
Mr. Wilfong was polishing his trombone “Tooty” and reflecting on his new life in America, when Poonivich Pantisoff entered. They had a brief conversation in Russian, and Pooni joined him in a duet with her cello, “Mrs. Garrett.”
At the blood drive, Sterling angrily confronted Owen about Lewis’ death. She informed him that she was going to run for student council just to throw Owen out of school. Owen pointed out that the elections were over and that Miller had won. Sterling called her rich father and had Miller recalled and herself appointed president.
Pooni asked Gwen to supply her with some Charmin toilet paper to send home to Russia, then sang the traditional Russian toilet-paper song “Can I Squeeze It?” Touched by the song, Gwen declared her love for Pooni.
Sterling questioned Owen about his responsibility for Lewis’ death. Loss of blood had rendered Owen too delirious to lie, so he admitted to giving Lewis’ cancer. Still compelled to tell the truth, Owen told Sterling that he loved her, and would gladly get revenge on Gwen and Miller for her. Then he confessed to masturbating six times a day.
Joe Luderman spied on Mr. Cook as Cook cleaned out Lewis’ locker, but Joe didn’t do a very good job of hiding.
Semi-recovered, Owen Tasker was filming a blood drive announcement with Gwen for the school’s closed-circuit system. Once she was in front of the camera, Gwen took advantage of the opportunity by revealing the truth about Owen…he doesn’t donate blood regularly, his trophies are plastic fakes, and the school doesn’t even HAVE a chess club. She then recited a mystical chant taught to her by Mr. Wilfong, putting Owen in her power. She commanded Owen to tell Sterling that he doesn’t love her after all…then kill her. Mr. Wilfong gleefully watched over the closed-circuit TV.
Joe and Sterling were having lunch at the cafeteria. Sterling warned Joe not to get involved with Gwen, and Joe angrily threw her tray off the table. Assistant Coach Damon came in to clean it up, having taken yet another job to pay the bills.
Due to budget cuts, Damon was teaching AP physics to Pooni. He began “There are many mysteries to physics that haven’t been explained…it’s a lot like Catholicism.” Pooni was outraged by his introduction of religion into the classroom, and Damon was equally upset with her godless communism. A slow-motion fight scene broke out. Mr. Cook arrived with his video camera.
Mr. Wilfong and Gwen were going over their evil plans. Wilfong asked Gwen to serve a very special meal the next time Joe Luderman comes to the Crash Pad: a burger with a side of cocaine.
Under Gwen’s spell, Owen was gathering knives at the Crash Pad when Joe Luderman entered and warned him that “there’s a guy one step behind the guy two steps ahead of you.” Owen declared his intention to kill Sterling, believing that the law couldn’t touch him. Joe told Owen that the law could indeed touch him, and that he’d soon be lettering in prison rape.
Mr. Cook confronted Damon with the video of his compromising encounter with Pooni. As Damon professed his innocence, Cook remembered his own encounter with a student in Florida. Suddenly, Pooni burst in and announced that she had Cook’s confession on tape. Damon revealed that Cook had yet another hold on him…Cook knows that Damon killed Gwen’s father.
Joe Luderman was relaxing at home after a hard day’s undercover work. Mr. Wilfong sneaked in, but was soon discovered. As Joe confronted him, Wilfong noticed all of the “I’m a Cop” posters in Joe’s apartment.
Poonivich Pantisoff had stolen Sterling Schremerhorn’s purse in search of breath mints to sustain herself. Finding none, she started chewing on a tampon. Following Sterling’s scent, the entranced Owen Tasker came up behind Pooni and strangled her. Only after the deed was done did Owen discover that he’d killed the wrong girl.
NEXT WEEK: Gwen confronts Mr. Wilfong about Joe.
Showing posts with label poonivich. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poonivich. Show all posts
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Season 8, Episode 6: The Russo-German Campaign
Episode 6: The Russo-German Campaign
Ms. Munsen-Meyer was going over some paperwork with the new Russian exchange student, Poonivich Pantisoff.
MUNSEN-MEYER: “What exactly do you want to get out of the school year?”
POONIVICH: “Blue jeans.”
Meanwhile, the German music teacher Glenn Wilfong was trying to teach the basics to Todd Schrader. Wilfong gave Todd detention for staring at his prosthetic hand (which he insisted was real). Todd retorted that his football practice exempted him from detention, but that didn’t matter to Wilfong.
With the student council elections coming up, Miller had covered the school with campaign signs (written on empty beer cartons). Miller’s running-mate, the Fighting Panhandler, used pantomime to suggest a campaign slogan: “Miller digs wagons and dynamite!”
Principal Spoon stopped by the Crash Pad to talk to Gwendolyn Pinchot about her campaign for student council. She didn’t have much confidence going up against Miller, but Spoon pointed out that she had one advantage over Miller…a heart of gold. (“Wow, nobody’s ever said that to me except my dead father.”) She told Spoon that, since her father’s death, she looked up to him as a father figure. The principal warned her, “Don’t stand so close to me.”
Assistant Coach Damon was telling Poonivich Pantisoff about the American way of life. He explained that America was a land of opportunity, where, with enough hard work and determination, anybody could earn minimum wage. He suggested that Pooni run for student council, but she was too preoccupied by staring at his crotch.
Up on the rooftop, Miller was delivering a campaign speech to the students below. Ms. Munsen-Meyer arrived and forbade him from running for student council. Miller shoved her, leading to a scuffle between them. Ms. Munsen-Meyer finally got Miller in a choke-hold until he fell limp.
Glenn Wilfong informed Principal Spoon that he was removing Todd Schrader from football practice to serve detention. Todd suddenly burst into the office and angrily confronted Wilfong, throwing his monocle to the floor. Wilfong swore to increase Todd’s punishment.
Assistant Coach Damon was offering some campaign advice to Gwen, even though she wanted to cut the athletics program entirely. Damon explained that he was once as rebellious as her, even mailing the principal a homemade pipe bomb made out of Wesson Oil, Bisquick and chutney. This confession greatly increased Gwen’s respect for Damon. He suggested that she recruit Poonivich Pantisoff as her running-mate.
Ms. Munsen-Meyer was desperately trying to hide Miller’s unmoving body under her desk when Principal Spoon knocked on the door. Spoon was stunned to see the black eye that Munsen-Meyer had sustained in the struggle, but she made up an excuse about getting hit by a dodgeball. Suddenly, Miller regained consciousness and stood up…only to discover that he’d gone blind.
In the cafeteria, Gwen was trying to get Todd’s vote; he finally agreed to vote for her just to make her leave him alone. He apologized for his rudeness, explaining that he had some issues he was internalizing.
Assistant Coach Damon and Glenn Wilfong were working out in the gym, with Wilfong using his artificial hand to block Damon’s dodgeball.
Todd Schrader started vandalizing the music classroom, while the uncomprehending Poonivich looked on in confusion. Suddenly, Glenn Wilfong entered and saw the destruction.
Principal Spoon informed Assistant Coach Damon that he was eliminating dodgeball, due to Ms. Munsen-Meyer’s injury. Damon swore that the student council would be his puppet government and wrest control of the school from Spoon.
Gwen found Miller wandering sightlessly through the school, using his spoon to tap his way around the hall. He explained that Ms. Munsen-Meyer had blinded him, but she thought he was faking to get the sympathy vote.
A school court was held to determine the truth of Ms. Munsen-Meyer’s injury, with Principal Spoon presiding and Glenn Wilfong acting as advocate. When Munsen-Meyer testified that Damon lured her into the gym and hit her with a dodgeball, Wilfong revealed that HE was practicing with the school’s only dodgeball at the time of the alleged incident. Suddenly, Todd burst in with proof that Mr. Wilfong was, in fact, Adolf Hitler! Principal Spoon didn’t dispute Todd’s revelation, but pointed out that it was irrelevant to the hearing.
Gwen and Pooni devised a campaign song decrying the sales tax on cafeteria food and advocating public displays of affection in the halls. Pooni told Gwen “I want to kiss you in a lesplatonic way.” They did.
At the hearing, Wilfong called in Miller as a surprise witness. Blindly placing his hand on Damon’s crotch to swear himself in, Miller testified that he, not Damon, had given Munsen-Meyer her black eye. Munsen-Meyer tackled Miller and wrestled him to the ground again, restoring his sight the same way she had taken it away.
The student council candidates addressed the school for their final campaign speeches. By a show of hands, Miller was elected the winner.
Upset by her defeat, Gwen went to see Mr. Wilfong for advice. She complained that being nice and reaching out to people didn’t work, so now she wanted Wilfong to teach her the ways of evil and nastiness.
NEXT WEEK: Damon receives a tragic phone call.
Ms. Munsen-Meyer was going over some paperwork with the new Russian exchange student, Poonivich Pantisoff.
MUNSEN-MEYER: “What exactly do you want to get out of the school year?”
POONIVICH: “Blue jeans.”
Meanwhile, the German music teacher Glenn Wilfong was trying to teach the basics to Todd Schrader. Wilfong gave Todd detention for staring at his prosthetic hand (which he insisted was real). Todd retorted that his football practice exempted him from detention, but that didn’t matter to Wilfong.
With the student council elections coming up, Miller had covered the school with campaign signs (written on empty beer cartons). Miller’s running-mate, the Fighting Panhandler, used pantomime to suggest a campaign slogan: “Miller digs wagons and dynamite!”
Principal Spoon stopped by the Crash Pad to talk to Gwendolyn Pinchot about her campaign for student council. She didn’t have much confidence going up against Miller, but Spoon pointed out that she had one advantage over Miller…a heart of gold. (“Wow, nobody’s ever said that to me except my dead father.”) She told Spoon that, since her father’s death, she looked up to him as a father figure. The principal warned her, “Don’t stand so close to me.”
Assistant Coach Damon was telling Poonivich Pantisoff about the American way of life. He explained that America was a land of opportunity, where, with enough hard work and determination, anybody could earn minimum wage. He suggested that Pooni run for student council, but she was too preoccupied by staring at his crotch.
Up on the rooftop, Miller was delivering a campaign speech to the students below. Ms. Munsen-Meyer arrived and forbade him from running for student council. Miller shoved her, leading to a scuffle between them. Ms. Munsen-Meyer finally got Miller in a choke-hold until he fell limp.
Glenn Wilfong informed Principal Spoon that he was removing Todd Schrader from football practice to serve detention. Todd suddenly burst into the office and angrily confronted Wilfong, throwing his monocle to the floor. Wilfong swore to increase Todd’s punishment.
Assistant Coach Damon was offering some campaign advice to Gwen, even though she wanted to cut the athletics program entirely. Damon explained that he was once as rebellious as her, even mailing the principal a homemade pipe bomb made out of Wesson Oil, Bisquick and chutney. This confession greatly increased Gwen’s respect for Damon. He suggested that she recruit Poonivich Pantisoff as her running-mate.
Ms. Munsen-Meyer was desperately trying to hide Miller’s unmoving body under her desk when Principal Spoon knocked on the door. Spoon was stunned to see the black eye that Munsen-Meyer had sustained in the struggle, but she made up an excuse about getting hit by a dodgeball. Suddenly, Miller regained consciousness and stood up…only to discover that he’d gone blind.
In the cafeteria, Gwen was trying to get Todd’s vote; he finally agreed to vote for her just to make her leave him alone. He apologized for his rudeness, explaining that he had some issues he was internalizing.
Assistant Coach Damon and Glenn Wilfong were working out in the gym, with Wilfong using his artificial hand to block Damon’s dodgeball.
Todd Schrader started vandalizing the music classroom, while the uncomprehending Poonivich looked on in confusion. Suddenly, Glenn Wilfong entered and saw the destruction.
Principal Spoon informed Assistant Coach Damon that he was eliminating dodgeball, due to Ms. Munsen-Meyer’s injury. Damon swore that the student council would be his puppet government and wrest control of the school from Spoon.
Gwen found Miller wandering sightlessly through the school, using his spoon to tap his way around the hall. He explained that Ms. Munsen-Meyer had blinded him, but she thought he was faking to get the sympathy vote.
A school court was held to determine the truth of Ms. Munsen-Meyer’s injury, with Principal Spoon presiding and Glenn Wilfong acting as advocate. When Munsen-Meyer testified that Damon lured her into the gym and hit her with a dodgeball, Wilfong revealed that HE was practicing with the school’s only dodgeball at the time of the alleged incident. Suddenly, Todd burst in with proof that Mr. Wilfong was, in fact, Adolf Hitler! Principal Spoon didn’t dispute Todd’s revelation, but pointed out that it was irrelevant to the hearing.
Gwen and Pooni devised a campaign song decrying the sales tax on cafeteria food and advocating public displays of affection in the halls. Pooni told Gwen “I want to kiss you in a lesplatonic way.” They did.
At the hearing, Wilfong called in Miller as a surprise witness. Blindly placing his hand on Damon’s crotch to swear himself in, Miller testified that he, not Damon, had given Munsen-Meyer her black eye. Munsen-Meyer tackled Miller and wrestled him to the ground again, restoring his sight the same way she had taken it away.
The student council candidates addressed the school for their final campaign speeches. By a show of hands, Miller was elected the winner.
Upset by her defeat, Gwen went to see Mr. Wilfong for advice. She complained that being nice and reaching out to people didn’t work, so now she wanted Wilfong to teach her the ways of evil and nastiness.
NEXT WEEK: Damon receives a tragic phone call.
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