Episode 9: I Believe in Miracles
Commander Blanket and Armageddon Uno were admiring the rebuilt Jefferson Starship, Blanket’s old vessel from his Spaceforce days. Blanket was filled with feelings of inadequacy as a leader, but Armageddon (and Blanket’s bee finger-puppet) advised him to follow his heart. Blanket told Armageddon about his plan to start an outreach program on Retardo-Montalban 6, which has been populated entirely by special-needs people ever since an asteroid crashed into it, deleting everyone’s chromosomes (not to mention putting a huge dent in the planet).
Catherine Shamrock went to see Cody Gage to fit her up with a spacesuit. Having been conked on the head again in an attempt to restore her memory, Cody now believed herself to be the commander of the station, only DISGUISED as a lowly engineer. Catherine told Cody she was changing her image and getting tough, but soon broke down crying over her breakup with Scoop. Based on her knowledge of soap-opera relationships, Cody advised Catherine to get pregnant.
Jacob Fisher was fishing in the station’s artifical coy-pond when Scoop Quasar entered. They commiserated over their relationship problems. When Scoop said he felt fated to sleep with Catherine and only Catherine, Jacob suggested he just tell her that.
Edwina Prototype went to see Dr. Shika for the results of her quarterly gyrocological exam. Looking over the tests, Edwina was flabbergasted to discover that she’s pregnant! Edwina couldn’t understand how that could happen, given that she’s both an android and a virgin. Shika explained that Edwina’s body is 30% organic, and that’s the part that’s pregnant. Edwina realized that her reproductive system must be so efficient that the DNA in Jacob’s kiss was enough to impregnate her.
Armageddon was checking out the bridge of the Jefferson Starship, reminiscing about his own Spaceforce days before he went AWOL. Suddenly, Altair-9000 emerged from the hold. Armageddon complimented Altair on his new optics, and Altair did the same for Armageddon’s hairdo. Armageddon suggested taking the Jefferson Starship for a “test run” to the brothel on Retardo-Montalban 4. Accepting the offer, Altair disabled the explosives he’d just planted.
Commander Blanket was checking out the Zero-G hub of the station when Catherine Shamrock arrived. Blanket complimented her on her new look.
BLANKET: “You’re like Sandy at the end of ‘Grease.’ And as we all learned from that movie, once you go slutty, everyone will like you.”
Back at the coy-pond, Jacob was showing Scoop the proper way to put a caught fish out of its misery. He explained that, cruel as it may seem, it’s nature’s way to weed out the weak. Jacob then demonstrated the point by grabbing a limping chicken and swinging it around by the neck.
SCOOP: “So, you’re telling me you won’t love a woman, but you’ll take a little animal and shake it around till it dies?”
Armageddon Uno and Altair-9000 were returning from the brothel, both extremely satisfied. Altair told Armageddon how much he was enjoying their time together, and that it reminded him of those old movies with a hotshot maverick pilot and his funny sidekick. Altair tried out his new “sidekick setting,” and started talking like a Wookiee.
Dr. Shika came to check up on Cody Gage. He knew that Armageddon’s amnesia cure hadn’t worked, and that Cody still believed herself to be someone else. However, Shika knew that a THIRD conk on the head would definitely work.
Edwina sang a tender ballad about cybernetic motherhood.
EDWINA: “Sometimes I thought that I would find a lover/Instead I find I’m to become a mother…”
Jacob Fisher interviewed Armageddon Uno for the farmhand job. Armageddon was surprised that Jacob kept pigs (having gotten the Amish and the Jews mixed up), but tried his hand at pitching hay. Armageddon got the job, and Jacob laid down the rules…no smoking, no drinking, etc. Jacob then confessed that he himself had become disillusioned with the Amish rules, and had given God one week to show him a miracle.
Dr. Shika and Cody went to the boiler room so she could recreate the accident that had originally wiped out her memory. Cody deliberately conked her head on the same pipe.
At the recharging station, Altair sensed the second heartbeat inside Edwina. Edwina thought that perhaps Jacob might consider this the miracle he had asked for, but Altair sneered that Jacob would just think of it as a monstrous abomination. Altair tried to persuade Edwina to turn the baby over to him, but Edwina just laughed.
Catherine Shamrock was about to blast off to an asteroid when Scoop rushed in and declared his love.
SCOOP: “I’m predetermined to have sex with only you!”
CATHERINE: “That is the sweetest thing you’ve ever said!”
Scoop explained that he hadn’t cheated on her with Edwina (“I would NEVER sleep with a British woman!”), and that he had been framed by Altair. Scoop & Catherine plotted revenge against the robot. When Scoop couldn’t come up with anything more specific than “making him feel bad,” Catherine revealed her ace in the hole…she had taken ROGER, Altair’s Remote Optical Generating Electronic Responder.
Edwina visited Jacob in the barn. They started talking about his challenge to God to show him a miracle.
EDWINA: “What exactly would constitute a miracle?”
JACOB: “Oh, parting a major body of water…my bull Angus talking…or some kind of virgin birth.”
EDWINA: “Yes, that would definitely be the big one, wouldn’t it?”
Edwina tried to break the news gradually by pointing out one particularly bright star outside the station, but Jacob didn’t get it. Finally, she confessed that she was pregnant. THEN Jacob got it.
Commander Blanket was on the bridge of the Jefferson Starship, headed towards Retardo-Montalban 6 and talking to his beehive. Suddenly, an alarm went off, informing Blanket that the ship was not only about to self-destruct, but that it was on a collision course with the planet. Blanket had two minutes to choose between escaping in a lifepod and steering the ship away from Retardo-Montalban 6.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Showing posts with label catherine shamrock. Show all posts
Showing posts with label catherine shamrock. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Season 4, Episode 8: The Revolution Was Not Televised
Episode 8: The Revolution Was Not Televised
Commander Blanket welcomed Dr. Shika back from Guano-9, where Shika had just become a new father. To celebrate the birth of his son, Mozambique, Dr. Shika passed out Slim Jims instead of cigars. Shika then explained the Guanonian birth process, in which the women carry the child in the back of the neck and deliver through the mouth. Commander Blanket informed Shika that he had discovered a planet populated entirely by special-needs people…Retardo-Montalban 6. (“Oddly enough, the first five planets have normal people.”) Blanket told Shika that he planned atone for blowing up those other retarded kids by taking the station to Retardo-Montalban 6.
Armageddon Uno was searching the station’s bulletin board for something to do while he’s stuck on board. He noticed a “Farmhand Wanted” ad from Jacob Fisher.
Altair-9000 was trying in vain to contact Dwayne Tomagachi, when Scoop Quasar and Catherine Shamrock arrived. Sending Scoop out to get some milk, Catherine informed Altair that she had hidden Dwayne in a secret place outside the range of the robot’s control. Altair cautioned Catherine about the impending robot revolution, warning her that she’d chosen the wrong side. Suddenly, Scoop returned bearing some momentous news from Earth…the robot revolution was over! It had lasted less than an hour, with the robots losing. Altair couldn’t comprehend how that could have happened, and Scoop demonstrated by unplugging Altair’s antenna.
Having conked her head on a pipe during a repair job, Cody Gage had amnesia and now believed herself to be a Vegas entertainer working on a cruise ship. Jacob and Armageddon tried to figure out how to restore her memory.
ARMAGEDDON: “I’ve seen this on plenty of Flintstones episodes. All we have to do is give her another conk on the head.”
Jacob complied by getting his bull Angus to kick Cody in the head.
Edwina was analyzing the buttery residue that had exploded during her passionate embrace with Jacob last episode, and discovered that it was organic. While she fretted over her feelings for Jacob, Scoop arrived looking for Catherine. Edwina advised him (in a song) to give Catherine some space and freedom to find herself.
SCOOP: “But I just came back from Commander Blanket, and he said if I left her alone too long, she’d sleep with someone else.”
EDWINA: “Well, consider the source.”
Noticing that Scoop’s tie was crooked, Edwina straddled his lap to adjust it. Suddenly, Catherine entered and saw them in this compromising position. When Scoop explained that he was “letting her fly free,” Catherine thought he was dumping her.
Jacob having left, Armageddon was alone in the barn with Cody as she came to. She had a hideous hoof-shaped bruise on her face, but still thought she was an entertainer. Armageddon decided to humor her, adopting the role of her manager. He explained that her act was going to be a “Cats of Broadway” medley from “The Lion King,” “Seussical,” and of course, “Cats.”
Immobilized, Altair-9000 was left alone with his thoughts. He realized that Scoop’s friendship had been more important than the robot revolution, but still couldn’t forgive Scoop for unplugging him. He decided to get revenge on Scoop through Catherine.
Jacob Fisher arrived in Dr. Shika’s lab, seeking medical assistance for Cody. Based on what he had seen on “The Flintstones,” Shika advised leaving her alone to recover by herself. Jacob explained that he couldn’t understand these pop-culture references, being part of a “special subculture.” Shika took this to mean that Jacob was gay, and reassured him that people from all subcultures get along in harmony on Guano-9. Jacob congratulated Shika on the birth of his son, and they celebrated by sharing a Slim Jim (breaking off piece by piece to try to get equal lengths).
In her quarters, Catherine cried. And drank.
Scoop asked Commander Blanket for advice over his misunderstanding with Catherine.
BLANKET: “Scoop, I’m going to tell you something. It’s probably the only intelligent thing I’ll ever say, so pay attention. Admittance of our faults is almost the same as innocence. If that doesn’t work, sleep with somebody who looks like her.”
Blanket advised Scoop to earn Catherine’s forgiveness with a romantic dinner.
Edwina was preparing a snack for her next clandestine meeting with Jacob when Armageddon & Cody arrived. Armageddon explained that he was trying to look out for his newfound maybe-sister by humoring her. Edwina agreed to help, programming the viewscreens to simulate a typical Dad’s Garage audience for Cody’s act. Unfortunately, the simulation was TOO good, and the “audience” started booing & heckling. Armageddon put a stop to the debacle by conking Cody on the head again.
Scoop re-activated Altair and apologized. Altair admitted that he’d been very conflicted between good and evil, but still valued Scoop’s friendship. Impressed by Altair’s self-awareness, Scoop sent the robot to get Catherine. But just in case, he removed Altair’s red, white & blue chip.
Edwina was waiting in the barn when Jacob arrived, enjoying his Slim Jim. Jacob was impressed by the spicy smoked snack, and contemplated making his own Slim Jims from the cows on the station. When Edwina pointed out that Slim Jims were made from beef and MECHANICALLY separated chicken (among other things), Jacob dropped to his knees and prayed for forgiveness.
Dressed as a waiter for Scoop & Catherine’s dinner, Commander Blanket ran into Dr. Shika. Blanket confided that Spaceforce was rebuilding his old ship, the Jefferson Starship, and wanted him to resume command. In his absence, he asked Shika to take over the station. As a symbol of his trust, he gave Shika his Care Bears “Love Bear” pin.
Catherine was still drinking & crying in her room when Altair arrived. He explained that his surveillance cameras had captured the whole misunderstanding when she walked in on Scoop & Edwina, and he showed her his playback…which he had digitally altered to show them REALLY having sex after Catherine left. Distraught, Catherine cried out:
CATHERINE: “Scoop Quasar was like the cinder-block tied to the bag of kittens of my heart!”
Altair suggested they get revenge on Scoop by stranding Catherine on an asteroid to make him feel guilty. Catherine was just drunk enough to go along with this plan.
Jacob Fisher was confessing his sin of eating a Slim Jim, when he told God that he’d realized he spent 90% of his time praying and apologizing for everyday things. He’d begun to doubt the strictness of the Amish rules, and gave God one week to show him a sign that the Amish way was right. Suddenly, Edwina entered with some lemon squares. Jacob and Edwina kissed.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Commander Blanket welcomed Dr. Shika back from Guano-9, where Shika had just become a new father. To celebrate the birth of his son, Mozambique, Dr. Shika passed out Slim Jims instead of cigars. Shika then explained the Guanonian birth process, in which the women carry the child in the back of the neck and deliver through the mouth. Commander Blanket informed Shika that he had discovered a planet populated entirely by special-needs people…Retardo-Montalban 6. (“Oddly enough, the first five planets have normal people.”) Blanket told Shika that he planned atone for blowing up those other retarded kids by taking the station to Retardo-Montalban 6.
Armageddon Uno was searching the station’s bulletin board for something to do while he’s stuck on board. He noticed a “Farmhand Wanted” ad from Jacob Fisher.
Altair-9000 was trying in vain to contact Dwayne Tomagachi, when Scoop Quasar and Catherine Shamrock arrived. Sending Scoop out to get some milk, Catherine informed Altair that she had hidden Dwayne in a secret place outside the range of the robot’s control. Altair cautioned Catherine about the impending robot revolution, warning her that she’d chosen the wrong side. Suddenly, Scoop returned bearing some momentous news from Earth…the robot revolution was over! It had lasted less than an hour, with the robots losing. Altair couldn’t comprehend how that could have happened, and Scoop demonstrated by unplugging Altair’s antenna.
Having conked her head on a pipe during a repair job, Cody Gage had amnesia and now believed herself to be a Vegas entertainer working on a cruise ship. Jacob and Armageddon tried to figure out how to restore her memory.
ARMAGEDDON: “I’ve seen this on plenty of Flintstones episodes. All we have to do is give her another conk on the head.”
Jacob complied by getting his bull Angus to kick Cody in the head.
Edwina was analyzing the buttery residue that had exploded during her passionate embrace with Jacob last episode, and discovered that it was organic. While she fretted over her feelings for Jacob, Scoop arrived looking for Catherine. Edwina advised him (in a song) to give Catherine some space and freedom to find herself.
SCOOP: “But I just came back from Commander Blanket, and he said if I left her alone too long, she’d sleep with someone else.”
EDWINA: “Well, consider the source.”
Noticing that Scoop’s tie was crooked, Edwina straddled his lap to adjust it. Suddenly, Catherine entered and saw them in this compromising position. When Scoop explained that he was “letting her fly free,” Catherine thought he was dumping her.
Jacob having left, Armageddon was alone in the barn with Cody as she came to. She had a hideous hoof-shaped bruise on her face, but still thought she was an entertainer. Armageddon decided to humor her, adopting the role of her manager. He explained that her act was going to be a “Cats of Broadway” medley from “The Lion King,” “Seussical,” and of course, “Cats.”
Immobilized, Altair-9000 was left alone with his thoughts. He realized that Scoop’s friendship had been more important than the robot revolution, but still couldn’t forgive Scoop for unplugging him. He decided to get revenge on Scoop through Catherine.
Jacob Fisher arrived in Dr. Shika’s lab, seeking medical assistance for Cody. Based on what he had seen on “The Flintstones,” Shika advised leaving her alone to recover by herself. Jacob explained that he couldn’t understand these pop-culture references, being part of a “special subculture.” Shika took this to mean that Jacob was gay, and reassured him that people from all subcultures get along in harmony on Guano-9. Jacob congratulated Shika on the birth of his son, and they celebrated by sharing a Slim Jim (breaking off piece by piece to try to get equal lengths).
In her quarters, Catherine cried. And drank.
Scoop asked Commander Blanket for advice over his misunderstanding with Catherine.
BLANKET: “Scoop, I’m going to tell you something. It’s probably the only intelligent thing I’ll ever say, so pay attention. Admittance of our faults is almost the same as innocence. If that doesn’t work, sleep with somebody who looks like her.”
Blanket advised Scoop to earn Catherine’s forgiveness with a romantic dinner.
Edwina was preparing a snack for her next clandestine meeting with Jacob when Armageddon & Cody arrived. Armageddon explained that he was trying to look out for his newfound maybe-sister by humoring her. Edwina agreed to help, programming the viewscreens to simulate a typical Dad’s Garage audience for Cody’s act. Unfortunately, the simulation was TOO good, and the “audience” started booing & heckling. Armageddon put a stop to the debacle by conking Cody on the head again.
Scoop re-activated Altair and apologized. Altair admitted that he’d been very conflicted between good and evil, but still valued Scoop’s friendship. Impressed by Altair’s self-awareness, Scoop sent the robot to get Catherine. But just in case, he removed Altair’s red, white & blue chip.
Edwina was waiting in the barn when Jacob arrived, enjoying his Slim Jim. Jacob was impressed by the spicy smoked snack, and contemplated making his own Slim Jims from the cows on the station. When Edwina pointed out that Slim Jims were made from beef and MECHANICALLY separated chicken (among other things), Jacob dropped to his knees and prayed for forgiveness.
Dressed as a waiter for Scoop & Catherine’s dinner, Commander Blanket ran into Dr. Shika. Blanket confided that Spaceforce was rebuilding his old ship, the Jefferson Starship, and wanted him to resume command. In his absence, he asked Shika to take over the station. As a symbol of his trust, he gave Shika his Care Bears “Love Bear” pin.
Catherine was still drinking & crying in her room when Altair arrived. He explained that his surveillance cameras had captured the whole misunderstanding when she walked in on Scoop & Edwina, and he showed her his playback…which he had digitally altered to show them REALLY having sex after Catherine left. Distraught, Catherine cried out:
CATHERINE: “Scoop Quasar was like the cinder-block tied to the bag of kittens of my heart!”
Altair suggested they get revenge on Scoop by stranding Catherine on an asteroid to make him feel guilty. Catherine was just drunk enough to go along with this plan.
Jacob Fisher was confessing his sin of eating a Slim Jim, when he told God that he’d realized he spent 90% of his time praying and apologizing for everyday things. He’d begun to doubt the strictness of the Amish rules, and gave God one week to show him a sign that the Amish way was right. Suddenly, Edwina entered with some lemon squares. Jacob and Edwina kissed.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Season 4, Episode 7: Sexual Perversity in Space
Introducing Anne Towns as Catherine Shamrock (a character previously talked about, and now finally appearing in person).
Episode 7: Sexual Perversity in Space
As the station returned to Earth orbit from the planet Tuberon, Dwayne Tomagachi explained to his captive, Catherine Shamrock, that he had kidnapped her for her own good, since Commander Blanket had been planning on killing her. Catherine reacted to her dire predicament with unflappable cheeriness.
Jacob Fisher found a strange bale of shrink-wrapped alien hay in the barn, but didn’t think anything of it. Edwina Prototype entered with a gift…a straw hat.
JACOB: “I’ll wear it always…and I mean always.”
EDWINA: “Well, you don’t have to SLEEP in it.”
JACOB: “It’s all right. I sleep in my hat.”
EDWINA: “I wish I could confirm or deny that.”
Taken aback by Edwina’s boldness, Jacob explained the proper procedures of the Amish courting ritual, involving clandestine meetings and snack-making, until the courtship is finally announced (with the marriage following a week later). Suddenly, due to an after-effect of her electrocution last episode, Edwina started singing a seductive Latin tune.
Armageddon Uno and Cody Gage were repairing the Chicken Hawk, trying to keep their minds on the job. Finally, Armageddon couldn’t take it anymore, and he demonstrated his feelings for Cody by taking off his shades and letting her see his naked eyes for the first time. However, Cody had some shocking news to break…she’d gotten the space-mumps test results back from Dr. Shika, and she’d discovered that their DNA were so close that they may very well be brother & sister. Armageddon tried to keep from freaking out over this news.
A drunken Commander Blanket was arguing with his bee finger-puppet when Altair-9000 entered. Altair revealed he had discovered that Catherine Shamrock on board. Blanket realized that she must have been inside the 5’5” package he had received (the one labeled “Live Humans”), but had passed over opening in favor of his other package…a case of Bartles & Jaymes. Blanket tried to get Altair to join him in a drink.
BLANKET: “The more you drink, the more you’ll tell me. And the more I’ll touch you.”
ALTAIR: “Sir, this is getting uncomfortable.”
BLANKET: “That’s when it gets REALLY good!”
In spite of his despair, Scoop Quasar was still trying to work on the story of Commander Blanket’s outreach program for special-needs children. Suddenly, Dwayne Tomagachi entered and told Scoop that he had used his contacts to bring Catherine to the station.
Jacob Fisher was inspecting the model butter-churn rocket when he broke down and cried to the Lord about his lustful feelings for Edwina. Suddenly, Edwina brought in a snack (Fluffernutters & Triscuits) for a clandestine meeting. Jacob showed her the model, explaining that the actual rocket would be the size of the Empire State Building and would cover the entire Northern Hemisphere with a buttery residue when launched. He confessed that he was at an impasse, since he hadn’t been able to achieve combustion with the butter. Edwina replied that she burns butter in the kitchen all the time. Realizing that together, they could make it work, Jacob clasped Edwina in an embrace so passionate that they were caught in an explosion of buttery goo.
Dwayne Tomagachi met Altair. Since the robot already knew the truth, Dwayne dropped the Japanese act and slipped into his British accent. Altair invited Dwayne to his quarters to show him a surprise…the frozen body of Dwayne’s brother, Heinous McMurder! Enraged, Dwayne (or, should we say, Angus McMurder) dropped the British act and slipped into his Scottish accent. Altair offered to release Heinous if Dwayne/Angus would drop the censorship screens and allow Altair to transmit freely to Earth. Angus did so, but as they were about to shake hands, Altair drove a fist into his stomach.
Commander Blanket sneaked into Dwayne’s room, ready for battle. Dwayne wasn’t in, but Blanket discovered Catherine there instead.
BLANKET: “Why, you’re not evil and Japanese!”
CATHERINE: “No, I’m sweet and American.”
BLANKET: “Well, I’m drunk and old!”
Blanket informed Catherine that he was rescuing her, and gave her some Bartles & Jaymes to steel her nerve for the dangers ahead. Having never drunk alcohol before, Catherine wondered what effect it would have on her. Blanket chuckled lecherously.
Weirded out by the discovery of his incestuous relationship with Cody, Armageddon Uno visited the commissary. Edwina (still covered in buttery goo) arrived, and they had a heart-to-heart talk over a patty melt (using one of Edwina’s new Old Crow-based recipes). Edwina thought that perhaps Armageddon & Cody should use this obstacle to change their relationship from a purely sexual one to a genuine emotional bond.
Surprised by Cody while washing off the butter in the shower, Jacob Fisher covered himself with his hat and lent an understanding ear to her problem.
JACOB: “I’m not such a stranger to this situation. The Amish are a small community, and every day, we struggle with this problem. We look to the Lord for guidance. And in every case, the answer is no.”
In his quarters, Commander Blanket was showing his beehive to Catherine. He confessed that he had been trying to seduce her, but couldn’t go through with it. He said she belonged with Scoop, and told her to go find him. Catherine gave the Commander an innocent hug of gratitude just as Scoop burst in. Contrary to the cliché, Scoop DIDN’T misunderstand the situation, and thanked Blanket for the rescue. Scoop and Catherine fell to the floor in a lusty embrace.
Dwayne/Angus revived and discovered that Altair had installed some electronic parts in his body, granting the robot complete control over him. Altair demonstrated by making Angus do a jig, then ordered Dwayne to get more money from the Yamamoto Corporation…money to fund the robot revolution.
Having been left to themselves by Commander Blanket, Scoop and Catherine were sharing a tender reunion when Scoop spoiled things by mentioning what a great story this was. Catherine was upset that he thought of her as a story, but Scoop apologized and patched things up. However, thoughts of danger eroded Scoop’s happiness.
Her resolve to stay straight having been shaken, Cody Gage was desperately trying to resist the addictive power of the alien electric potato. Armageddon entered and explained that perhaps he could change his relationship with her into “a lookin’-out-for kind of way.” Her resolve finally shattered, and Cody suggested they just get high and have sex.
Scoop and Catherine made torrid love. Suddenly, Catherine disappeared and Scoop found himself on top of Commander Blanket.
Catherine had been taken away by Dwayne/Angus, who brought her to see Altair-9000. Altair warned Catherine that Scoop was so trusting that harm could easily befall him. Altair revealed his plans for the robot revolution because he sensed Catherine had a hidden side. However, Catherine revealed that hidden side by threatening to dismantle Altair if he hurts Scoop. Just then, Scoop and Commander Blanket arrived.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Episode 7: Sexual Perversity in Space
As the station returned to Earth orbit from the planet Tuberon, Dwayne Tomagachi explained to his captive, Catherine Shamrock, that he had kidnapped her for her own good, since Commander Blanket had been planning on killing her. Catherine reacted to her dire predicament with unflappable cheeriness.
Jacob Fisher found a strange bale of shrink-wrapped alien hay in the barn, but didn’t think anything of it. Edwina Prototype entered with a gift…a straw hat.
JACOB: “I’ll wear it always…and I mean always.”
EDWINA: “Well, you don’t have to SLEEP in it.”
JACOB: “It’s all right. I sleep in my hat.”
EDWINA: “I wish I could confirm or deny that.”
Taken aback by Edwina’s boldness, Jacob explained the proper procedures of the Amish courting ritual, involving clandestine meetings and snack-making, until the courtship is finally announced (with the marriage following a week later). Suddenly, due to an after-effect of her electrocution last episode, Edwina started singing a seductive Latin tune.
Armageddon Uno and Cody Gage were repairing the Chicken Hawk, trying to keep their minds on the job. Finally, Armageddon couldn’t take it anymore, and he demonstrated his feelings for Cody by taking off his shades and letting her see his naked eyes for the first time. However, Cody had some shocking news to break…she’d gotten the space-mumps test results back from Dr. Shika, and she’d discovered that their DNA were so close that they may very well be brother & sister. Armageddon tried to keep from freaking out over this news.
A drunken Commander Blanket was arguing with his bee finger-puppet when Altair-9000 entered. Altair revealed he had discovered that Catherine Shamrock on board. Blanket realized that she must have been inside the 5’5” package he had received (the one labeled “Live Humans”), but had passed over opening in favor of his other package…a case of Bartles & Jaymes. Blanket tried to get Altair to join him in a drink.
BLANKET: “The more you drink, the more you’ll tell me. And the more I’ll touch you.”
ALTAIR: “Sir, this is getting uncomfortable.”
BLANKET: “That’s when it gets REALLY good!”
In spite of his despair, Scoop Quasar was still trying to work on the story of Commander Blanket’s outreach program for special-needs children. Suddenly, Dwayne Tomagachi entered and told Scoop that he had used his contacts to bring Catherine to the station.
Jacob Fisher was inspecting the model butter-churn rocket when he broke down and cried to the Lord about his lustful feelings for Edwina. Suddenly, Edwina brought in a snack (Fluffernutters & Triscuits) for a clandestine meeting. Jacob showed her the model, explaining that the actual rocket would be the size of the Empire State Building and would cover the entire Northern Hemisphere with a buttery residue when launched. He confessed that he was at an impasse, since he hadn’t been able to achieve combustion with the butter. Edwina replied that she burns butter in the kitchen all the time. Realizing that together, they could make it work, Jacob clasped Edwina in an embrace so passionate that they were caught in an explosion of buttery goo.
Dwayne Tomagachi met Altair. Since the robot already knew the truth, Dwayne dropped the Japanese act and slipped into his British accent. Altair invited Dwayne to his quarters to show him a surprise…the frozen body of Dwayne’s brother, Heinous McMurder! Enraged, Dwayne (or, should we say, Angus McMurder) dropped the British act and slipped into his Scottish accent. Altair offered to release Heinous if Dwayne/Angus would drop the censorship screens and allow Altair to transmit freely to Earth. Angus did so, but as they were about to shake hands, Altair drove a fist into his stomach.
Commander Blanket sneaked into Dwayne’s room, ready for battle. Dwayne wasn’t in, but Blanket discovered Catherine there instead.
BLANKET: “Why, you’re not evil and Japanese!”
CATHERINE: “No, I’m sweet and American.”
BLANKET: “Well, I’m drunk and old!”
Blanket informed Catherine that he was rescuing her, and gave her some Bartles & Jaymes to steel her nerve for the dangers ahead. Having never drunk alcohol before, Catherine wondered what effect it would have on her. Blanket chuckled lecherously.
Weirded out by the discovery of his incestuous relationship with Cody, Armageddon Uno visited the commissary. Edwina (still covered in buttery goo) arrived, and they had a heart-to-heart talk over a patty melt (using one of Edwina’s new Old Crow-based recipes). Edwina thought that perhaps Armageddon & Cody should use this obstacle to change their relationship from a purely sexual one to a genuine emotional bond.
Surprised by Cody while washing off the butter in the shower, Jacob Fisher covered himself with his hat and lent an understanding ear to her problem.
JACOB: “I’m not such a stranger to this situation. The Amish are a small community, and every day, we struggle with this problem. We look to the Lord for guidance. And in every case, the answer is no.”
In his quarters, Commander Blanket was showing his beehive to Catherine. He confessed that he had been trying to seduce her, but couldn’t go through with it. He said she belonged with Scoop, and told her to go find him. Catherine gave the Commander an innocent hug of gratitude just as Scoop burst in. Contrary to the cliché, Scoop DIDN’T misunderstand the situation, and thanked Blanket for the rescue. Scoop and Catherine fell to the floor in a lusty embrace.
Dwayne/Angus revived and discovered that Altair had installed some electronic parts in his body, granting the robot complete control over him. Altair demonstrated by making Angus do a jig, then ordered Dwayne to get more money from the Yamamoto Corporation…money to fund the robot revolution.
Having been left to themselves by Commander Blanket, Scoop and Catherine were sharing a tender reunion when Scoop spoiled things by mentioning what a great story this was. Catherine was upset that he thought of her as a story, but Scoop apologized and patched things up. However, thoughts of danger eroded Scoop’s happiness.
Her resolve to stay straight having been shaken, Cody Gage was desperately trying to resist the addictive power of the alien electric potato. Armageddon entered and explained that perhaps he could change his relationship with her into “a lookin’-out-for kind of way.” Her resolve finally shattered, and Cody suggested they just get high and have sex.
Scoop and Catherine made torrid love. Suddenly, Catherine disappeared and Scoop found himself on top of Commander Blanket.
Catherine had been taken away by Dwayne/Angus, who brought her to see Altair-9000. Altair warned Catherine that Scoop was so trusting that harm could easily befall him. Altair revealed his plans for the robot revolution because he sensed Catherine had a hidden side. However, Catherine revealed that hidden side by threatening to dismantle Altair if he hurts Scoop. Just then, Scoop and Commander Blanket arrived.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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