Episode 14: Everybody Dies
Kalgon, the fleet of foot and sleight of hand, gave Esmerizizelda the magical artifact he had stolen for her: the Flowers of Algernon. She explained that she would use their power to switch bodies with Chambliss Tucker. When Kalgon asked for the sack of gold she had promised him, she gave him his “just reward” by casting a spell of clumsiness upon him, thus destroying his skills as a master thief.
Magic Jones was wandering through the forest when he the as-yet-nameless son of Chambliss Tucker and three fathers. The human-elf-cheetah man-child lamented his freakish existence, and Jones reassured him that everybody feels like a freak when they’re young.
As a result of their collision, King Plough’s alabaster sword and Baron Üterrüs’ onyx sword had merged into a single weapon. Plough and Üterrüs discussed an arrangement to alternate ownership of the sword, then turned to the more pressing matter of what to do with Francis, who was being held in the dungeon. Üterrüs thought that Francis should be hewn into gravel for his treachery, while Plough worried how the people would react to such a severe punishment. The Baron argued that a king shouldn’t be influenced by his subjects, but should rule them with an iron fist. Plough realized that the merged sword was influencing him, tearing him between its two sides. (“There’s dark, and there’s light…and yet, alas, there’s no creamy center.”)
Esmerizizelda paid a visit to Tarquin’s treehouse. Tarquin lamented that his ox, Thacko, had grown distant since Tarquin had been transformed from elf to human. Esmerizizelda told him that she could restore him if he helped her abduct Chambliss for her ritual.
Magic Jones brought the nameless child to Linens Und Thïngs to meet one of his fathers, Baron Üterrüs. The Baron was impressed by his demi-son’s growth, noting that the child had the prowess of a cheetah, the immortality of an elf, and the blood of kings. All that was left was for the Baron to teach him in the ways of the undead. The child agreed to join him, on one condition: “I want Magic Jones to name me…or I leave.” Thus, the old wizard christened the child “Eileve.”
At the Slop Bucket, King Plough asked his son, Kalgon, to read the menu for him, since Plough could not read. As Kalgon described the blue-plate special, Plough reiterated his confession of illiteracy, hoping that Kalgon would get the point this time. Plough was concerned because he had signed all manner of documents without knowing what they were, relying on Magic Jones’ judgment on the legislation.
KALGON: “I wouldn’t trust him to name a baby!”
Kalgon’s curse of clumsiness rendered him unable to serve Plough’s meal. He explained that he had committed a theft for a sack of gold, wanting to earn the gold on his own terms rather than ask his father. Plough revealed that he was proud of Kalgon’s self-sufficiency. Plough sang a song praising Kalgon’s skill as a waiter.
Esmerizizelda paid another visit to Tarquin, promising to turn him back into an elf after he completes the abduction of Chambliss. Tarquin demanded to be restored immediately, but the witch protested that he might back out of the agreement afterwards. Tarquin pointed out that elves never broke their word. She accepted that, but warned him that if he DID cross her, she’d turn him into something horrible, though she couldn’t decide what. Suddenly, Eileve knocked on the door. Tarquin saw his elfin parentage in the child, and greeted him warmly. Tarquin confided that Esmerizizelda’s evil plan was his only hope of becoming an elf again, but Eileve had an alternate plan: he distracted Esmerizizelda and stole her wand.
Magic Jones was wandering about when Eileve entered, holding the wand in one hand and his detached tail in the other. Eileve explained that he had idly commented that he hated his tail, and it fell off. Jones realized that the wand responded to its owner’s desires…a terrible responsibility for a one-week-old.
King Plough summoned Esmerizizelda to the castle, pointing out that she had been banished by his great-grandfather, and the banishment was still in effect. She broke down in tears, lamenting her wretched herpes-ridded existence. Plough confessed that he too knew the heartbreak of herpes (“Why do you think I grew this ridiculous mustache?”). She offered to transplant his soul into a herpes-free body. Torn by the influence of the sword, Plough agreed, giving her one hour to prove her powers by curing herself.
Kalgon went to Linens Und Thïngs, crawling very carefully to avoid knocking anything over. Kalgon told Baron Üterrüs about the curse of clumsiness, and the Baron offered to help him. Üterrüs started gathering the ingredients for the remedy, then realized that the Flowers of Algernon had vanished. Kalgon remorsefully confessed to the theft. Enraged, Üterrüs dealt Kalgon a heavy blow with his mace.
Tarquin and Esmerizizelda snuck into Chambliss Tucker’s Lincoln Navigator and abducted the sleeping, blanket-covered Chambliss, after Tarquin knocked her out by whacking her with a cushy pillow.
Eileve found Kalgon lying motionless in his cave. Eileve attempted to wake up his demi-father, but the flies buzzing around the body proved that he was dead. Eileve’s elfin heritage allowed him to speak to the flies and learn what had happened. (“My father’s killed my father!”) Eileve swore to avenge Kalgon’s death.
Magic Jones castigated Baron Üterrüs for not watching Eileve, thus allowing Eileve to get Esmerizizelda’s wand. Jones warned that the combination of unlimited power and a child’s immaturity could blow a hole in the space-time continuum. Baron Üterrüs agreed that the danger was serious enough for the two of them to set aside their differences and join forces.
Tarquin and Esmerizizelda were preparing for the deherpification ritual when the witch suddenly remembered that Eileve had stolen her wand. (“You fool! This is my fault, but I blame you!”) Tarquin suggested that the cushy pillow must have some magical powers of its own, since it had somehow knocked out Chambliss. The witch tested the pillow’s powers by casting a spell on Tarquin. Suddenly, his elfin locks reappeared as he was restored to his true self. Before Esmerizizelda could proceed to transferring her soul into Chambliss’ body, King Plough entered, shouting that the hour was up. Seeing that the witch had failed to cure herself, Plough stabbed her with his sword.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Showing posts with label esmerizizelda. Show all posts
Showing posts with label esmerizizelda. Show all posts
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Season 6, Episode 13: Rockman's Got Nards!
Episode 13: Rockman’s Got Nards!
King Plough summoned Francis of the Rock People to discuss Francis’ recent conversion to anarchy and Plough’s newfound dedication to the common people.
PLOUGH: “Francis, I walked a mile in the shoes of a peasant…which aren’t shoes at all! They’re bare feet!”
Francis didn’t believe that Plough had truly seen the light, and this attitude made them enemies. Plough warned Francis that there’d be trouble if their paths ever crossed again. Fifteen minutes later, their paths crossed again, and they began to battle. Plough accidentally discovered Francis’ one vulnerable spot…his nards.
Baron Üterrüs and Chambliss Tucker were basking in the afterglow, although Chambliss was still sore from the uncomfortable yet satisfying experience.
CHAMBLISS: “You know, your penis is a yardstick.”
ÜTERRÜS: “By which love is measured?”
Chambliss was concerned as to what effect such deep penetration might have on her unborn babies. The Baron revealed that his supernatural seed had broken down the triplets’ cellular structure and combined them into a single, extremely powerful fetus. He warned her to send for a midwife immediately, as the baby was now too developed to remain in her womb for long. Chambliss replied that it felt like the baby had already been pushed out of her womb and up into her throat.
Tarquin the Gangly stood atop Mount Poop, preparing to hurl the Bloodsword into its depths. Angered by the elf’s rejection of its power, the Bloodsword placed a curse upon him. Tarquin attempted to deflect the curse with the mystical chant of “I’m rubber, you’re glue,” but the Bloodsword easily countered his spell. The sword revealed that Tarquin was cursed to be an elf no longer, but a mere human.
Esmerizizelda, the cackling witch of the Herpenghetti, ordered a glass of spider vomit at The Slop Bucket. As Kalgon brought the beverage to her table, she sensed that he was more than a mere server. Kalgon replied that he had taken this job to show that he could go straight, explaining that he had been a master thief. Esmerizizelda offered him a sack of gold if he would steal an artifact from Baron Üterrüs’ shop, Linens Und Thïngs.
Needing assistance in his battle against Francis, King Plough asked Magic Jones for a weapon that could cut through rock. Jones replied that he had foreseen Plough’s need in a prophetic dream, and Plough asked why Jones hadn’t bothered to warn him earlier. Jones consulted the crystal ball in his staff and saw a vision of Francis storming Castle Post with an army of monks. Magic Jones offered to place an enchantment on Plough’s sword so that it would turn stone into pumice. Plough suggested that turning stone into cookie dough would be softer and tastier.
Baron Üterrüs was cleaning up at Linens Und Thïngs when Francis entered and started trashing the place again. The Baron sympathized with Francis’ destructive, rebellious urges, but warned him that he might be bringing a terrible fate upon himself. As they conversed, Kalgon (wearing his enchanted mask) snuck in unnoticed and stole the magical artifact known as the Flowers of Algernon.
At the Slop Bucket, Chambliss told Esmerizizelda about her night of passion with Baron Üterrüs and the effect it had on her baby. The witch was distraught over how this would interfere with her own sinister plans, but didn’t let on to Chambliss. Esmerizizelda checked Chambliss’ throat and saw that the baby was coming soon. As the labor pains intensified, Chambliss staggered behind the bar and coughed up the baby. As Chambliss cradled her newborn son, it said “I love you, mama.” Chambliss noticed that the baby had a cheetah’s tail and elfin markings on its face.
The distraught Tarquin informed Magic Jones that the Bloodsword’s curse was changing him from an elf to a human. Even as he explained, the pointed tips of Tarquin’s ears fell off, proving that the curse was real. Having lived 2,000 years as an elf, Tarquin was terrified of having a human lifespan. Jones was powerless to help him, as the curse could only be reversed by a witch and not a wizard. Tarquin scratched his head, and his long elfin locks fell off.
Kalgon paid a visit to Francis’ cave. Francis revealed that a fierce battle was brewing, and that he did not expect to survive. He believed he would be more powerful as a martyr than he had been as a leader, so he was prepared to die.
KALGON: “I admire your stalwartness.”
FRANCIS: “I accept that as a word.”
King Plough went to Linens Und Thïngs to enlist Baron Üterrüs’ aid in the battle against Francis. Even though Plough knew Üterrüs as a humble interior designer, he could sense that the Baron had the heart of a warrior (not to mention being 7 feet tall). The King presented Üterrüs with a weapon to use in the battle…the onyx sword, sister to Plough’s alabaster sword.
Chambliss cut the umbilical cord of her son, who was now the size of a fully-grown short man. Since he had grown so rapidly, Chambliss thought he was ready to go out on his own. The bitter man-child walked out.
Having missed her opportunity to transplant her soul into a newborn body, Esmerizizelda was drowning her sorrows in the Slop Bucket when Tarquin the Human entered. Esmerizizelda introduced herself as a witch, and he asked for her help. He joined her in a glass of spider vomit, but did a double-take when she told him what he was drinking. Esmerizizelda laughed so hard at his reaction that she fell off the stool.
At high noon, King Plough and Francis faced each other in the street. Plough taunted his opponent by munching on a cookie, warning Francis that he’d “better get used to it.” Baron Üterrüs emerged from the shadows as the battle began. Suddenly, both Plough’s and Üterrüs’ enchanted swords collided as they simultaneously struck Francis. The combination of mystical forces had an unforeseen effect on Francis, who began to grow to 40 times his original size.
TO BE CONTINUED…
King Plough summoned Francis of the Rock People to discuss Francis’ recent conversion to anarchy and Plough’s newfound dedication to the common people.
PLOUGH: “Francis, I walked a mile in the shoes of a peasant…which aren’t shoes at all! They’re bare feet!”
Francis didn’t believe that Plough had truly seen the light, and this attitude made them enemies. Plough warned Francis that there’d be trouble if their paths ever crossed again. Fifteen minutes later, their paths crossed again, and they began to battle. Plough accidentally discovered Francis’ one vulnerable spot…his nards.
Baron Üterrüs and Chambliss Tucker were basking in the afterglow, although Chambliss was still sore from the uncomfortable yet satisfying experience.
CHAMBLISS: “You know, your penis is a yardstick.”
ÜTERRÜS: “By which love is measured?”
Chambliss was concerned as to what effect such deep penetration might have on her unborn babies. The Baron revealed that his supernatural seed had broken down the triplets’ cellular structure and combined them into a single, extremely powerful fetus. He warned her to send for a midwife immediately, as the baby was now too developed to remain in her womb for long. Chambliss replied that it felt like the baby had already been pushed out of her womb and up into her throat.
Tarquin the Gangly stood atop Mount Poop, preparing to hurl the Bloodsword into its depths. Angered by the elf’s rejection of its power, the Bloodsword placed a curse upon him. Tarquin attempted to deflect the curse with the mystical chant of “I’m rubber, you’re glue,” but the Bloodsword easily countered his spell. The sword revealed that Tarquin was cursed to be an elf no longer, but a mere human.
Esmerizizelda, the cackling witch of the Herpenghetti, ordered a glass of spider vomit at The Slop Bucket. As Kalgon brought the beverage to her table, she sensed that he was more than a mere server. Kalgon replied that he had taken this job to show that he could go straight, explaining that he had been a master thief. Esmerizizelda offered him a sack of gold if he would steal an artifact from Baron Üterrüs’ shop, Linens Und Thïngs.
Needing assistance in his battle against Francis, King Plough asked Magic Jones for a weapon that could cut through rock. Jones replied that he had foreseen Plough’s need in a prophetic dream, and Plough asked why Jones hadn’t bothered to warn him earlier. Jones consulted the crystal ball in his staff and saw a vision of Francis storming Castle Post with an army of monks. Magic Jones offered to place an enchantment on Plough’s sword so that it would turn stone into pumice. Plough suggested that turning stone into cookie dough would be softer and tastier.
Baron Üterrüs was cleaning up at Linens Und Thïngs when Francis entered and started trashing the place again. The Baron sympathized with Francis’ destructive, rebellious urges, but warned him that he might be bringing a terrible fate upon himself. As they conversed, Kalgon (wearing his enchanted mask) snuck in unnoticed and stole the magical artifact known as the Flowers of Algernon.
At the Slop Bucket, Chambliss told Esmerizizelda about her night of passion with Baron Üterrüs and the effect it had on her baby. The witch was distraught over how this would interfere with her own sinister plans, but didn’t let on to Chambliss. Esmerizizelda checked Chambliss’ throat and saw that the baby was coming soon. As the labor pains intensified, Chambliss staggered behind the bar and coughed up the baby. As Chambliss cradled her newborn son, it said “I love you, mama.” Chambliss noticed that the baby had a cheetah’s tail and elfin markings on its face.
The distraught Tarquin informed Magic Jones that the Bloodsword’s curse was changing him from an elf to a human. Even as he explained, the pointed tips of Tarquin’s ears fell off, proving that the curse was real. Having lived 2,000 years as an elf, Tarquin was terrified of having a human lifespan. Jones was powerless to help him, as the curse could only be reversed by a witch and not a wizard. Tarquin scratched his head, and his long elfin locks fell off.
Kalgon paid a visit to Francis’ cave. Francis revealed that a fierce battle was brewing, and that he did not expect to survive. He believed he would be more powerful as a martyr than he had been as a leader, so he was prepared to die.
KALGON: “I admire your stalwartness.”
FRANCIS: “I accept that as a word.”
King Plough went to Linens Und Thïngs to enlist Baron Üterrüs’ aid in the battle against Francis. Even though Plough knew Üterrüs as a humble interior designer, he could sense that the Baron had the heart of a warrior (not to mention being 7 feet tall). The King presented Üterrüs with a weapon to use in the battle…the onyx sword, sister to Plough’s alabaster sword.
Chambliss cut the umbilical cord of her son, who was now the size of a fully-grown short man. Since he had grown so rapidly, Chambliss thought he was ready to go out on his own. The bitter man-child walked out.
Having missed her opportunity to transplant her soul into a newborn body, Esmerizizelda was drowning her sorrows in the Slop Bucket when Tarquin the Human entered. Esmerizizelda introduced herself as a witch, and he asked for her help. He joined her in a glass of spider vomit, but did a double-take when she told him what he was drinking. Esmerizizelda laughed so hard at his reaction that she fell off the stool.
At high noon, King Plough and Francis faced each other in the street. Plough taunted his opponent by munching on a cookie, warning Francis that he’d “better get used to it.” Baron Üterrüs emerged from the shadows as the battle began. Suddenly, both Plough’s and Üterrüs’ enchanted swords collided as they simultaneously struck Francis. The combination of mystical forces had an unforeseen effect on Francis, who began to grow to 40 times his original size.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Season 6, Episode 12: Esmerizizelda in Da House
Episode 12: Esmerizizelda in Da House
At Linens Und Thïngs, Chambliss Tucker put the finishing touches on her makeover of Baron Üterrüs, making him marginally more human-looking. To celebrate, the Baron invited her to The Slop Bucket, the finest restaurant in town (actually, the ONLY restaurant in town).
As a result of the rap-off between King Plough and Magic Jones, Plough was now officially the King of Rhyme. Jones and Plough reflected on their relationship: Jones promised to look out for Plough and see that he lives to the ripe old age of 102. Plough informed Jones that he had been attempting to make policy without Jones’ advice, with disastrous results. Plough wanted to show the people that he was one of them (“I bathe in rosewater, just like everyone else!”). Sensing the king’s cluelessness, Jones suggested that Plough actually go out among the common people to learn how they really live.
Kalgon was on the way to his new job at The Slop Bucket when he stopped by Francis’ cave. Francis had abandoned the revolution because he’d decided that NOBODY was any good, and was now dedicated only to anarchy and breaking stuff. Kalgon informed Francis about Plough’s plans to go out in disguise, and Kalgon wanted to show his dad that he could do an honest job. So, Kalgon asked Francis to stop by the Slop Bucket and be a customer so that Kalgon could make a good impression.
Atop the ruins of Skank Mountain, Baron Üterrüs was pontificating about the evils done in the name of love. The Baron decided to rid himself of his love for Chambliss, then transplant the love into another person. Suddenly, Esmerizizelda, the cackling witch of the Herpenghetti, came flying in. The two old villains greeted each other, and Esmerizizelda complimented the Baron on his new look. Üterrüs told her about Chambliss and her far-off home dimension. Esmerizizelda told the Baron that she had foreseen the coming of a baby…and that she planned to leave her shriveled old body and possess the newborn, to live a whole new life.
Magic Jones was having a drink at The Slop Bucket when Kalgon came to his table and sang an interminably long birthday song. Jones praised Kalgon’s skills as an entertainer and suggested that he try a career in show business. However, Kalgon was afraid of success. Suddenly, King Plough entered, disguised as a shepherd. Kalgon offered Plough a seat at Jones’ table, then began massaging the “shepherd’s” feet. Plough was impressed that he, “a simple commoner,” could receive such service. Suddenly, Francis burst in, knocking over chairs and tables. Francis shouted that “This town’s going down…in the bad way.”
Chambliss was sitting in her Lincoln Navigator when Esmerizizelda knocked on the door. Chambliss introduced herself as the queen, and Esmerizizelda bowed before her. Chambliss was surprised, since nobody else in the kingdom showed her such respect.
ESMERIZIZELDA: “Do you know what commands respect more than anything else?”
CHAMBLISS: “Huge breasts?”
ESMERIZIZELDA: “That…and a maidservant!”
Esmerizizelda offered her services as a serving wench and midwife. Chambliss was slightly disturbed by the red sores on Esmerizizelda’s lips, but hired her anyway.
Francis was wrecking stuff at Linens Und Thïngs when the “shepherd” entered. Francis started telling the stranger about everything that was wrong with the town, such as the fact that nobody seemed to notice just how obviously evil Baron Üterrüs is. Francis then started going on about the king’s failings. Francis explained that he didn’t hate King Plough, he was just disappointed that he never used his authority for the good of the people. The “shepherd” was moved to tears, and promised Francis that he would tell the king.
Chambliss Tucker and Baron Üterrüs were having a romantic dinner at The Slop Bucket. As Chambliss told the Baron that she could see the spark of warmth inside him, Kalgon came to the table with an order of baby snow peas, dropping not-so-subtle hints about his own babies inside Chambliss’ womb. Dismissing him, Üterrüs confessed to Chambliss that his “spark of warmth” was alien to his evil nature, and that he needed to get rid of it. He sang a tender love song about his evil deeds and his feelings for her.
Magic Jones was reading a book of spells when Esmerizizelda burst in. Jones was astounded to be reunited with his former fiancée. She confronted him about their past together…Jones was responsible for the infection on her lips, and yet he abandoned her because of it. Jones, in turn, accused her of leaving him for Baron Üterrüs. He explained that he had tried to make peace, sending her letters and gifts. They then realized that he’d been sending all his peace offerings to the wrong address for all those centuries. To make up for everything, Jones agreed to help her with her plan to take one of Chambliss’ babies and live anew in its younger body.
ESMERIZIZELDA: “Help me, and you will have a wife…as an infant child for quite some time.”
After closing time at The Slop Bucket, Kalgon was counting his tips when Francis burst through the wall. Kalgon lectured Francis about his destructive ways. Bummed out, Francis left in shame. Kalgon stayed up all night rebuilding the wall, only for Francis to knock it down again the next morning.
Chambliss Tucker invited Baron Üterrüs up to the Lincoln Navigator. As she went in the back to fetch some schnapps, the Baron started undressing for a night of passion. Chambliss returned, and upon seeing Baron Üterrüs with his pants down, immediately went back for more schnapps.
King Plough returned to the castle and addressed the crowd. He informed them that, now that he had walked among them and saw their lot in life, he was instituting an “open moat” policy, and would now be accessible to anybody who needed his help.
TO BE CONTINUED…
At Linens Und Thïngs, Chambliss Tucker put the finishing touches on her makeover of Baron Üterrüs, making him marginally more human-looking. To celebrate, the Baron invited her to The Slop Bucket, the finest restaurant in town (actually, the ONLY restaurant in town).
As a result of the rap-off between King Plough and Magic Jones, Plough was now officially the King of Rhyme. Jones and Plough reflected on their relationship: Jones promised to look out for Plough and see that he lives to the ripe old age of 102. Plough informed Jones that he had been attempting to make policy without Jones’ advice, with disastrous results. Plough wanted to show the people that he was one of them (“I bathe in rosewater, just like everyone else!”). Sensing the king’s cluelessness, Jones suggested that Plough actually go out among the common people to learn how they really live.
Kalgon was on the way to his new job at The Slop Bucket when he stopped by Francis’ cave. Francis had abandoned the revolution because he’d decided that NOBODY was any good, and was now dedicated only to anarchy and breaking stuff. Kalgon informed Francis about Plough’s plans to go out in disguise, and Kalgon wanted to show his dad that he could do an honest job. So, Kalgon asked Francis to stop by the Slop Bucket and be a customer so that Kalgon could make a good impression.
Atop the ruins of Skank Mountain, Baron Üterrüs was pontificating about the evils done in the name of love. The Baron decided to rid himself of his love for Chambliss, then transplant the love into another person. Suddenly, Esmerizizelda, the cackling witch of the Herpenghetti, came flying in. The two old villains greeted each other, and Esmerizizelda complimented the Baron on his new look. Üterrüs told her about Chambliss and her far-off home dimension. Esmerizizelda told the Baron that she had foreseen the coming of a baby…and that she planned to leave her shriveled old body and possess the newborn, to live a whole new life.
Magic Jones was having a drink at The Slop Bucket when Kalgon came to his table and sang an interminably long birthday song. Jones praised Kalgon’s skills as an entertainer and suggested that he try a career in show business. However, Kalgon was afraid of success. Suddenly, King Plough entered, disguised as a shepherd. Kalgon offered Plough a seat at Jones’ table, then began massaging the “shepherd’s” feet. Plough was impressed that he, “a simple commoner,” could receive such service. Suddenly, Francis burst in, knocking over chairs and tables. Francis shouted that “This town’s going down…in the bad way.”
Chambliss was sitting in her Lincoln Navigator when Esmerizizelda knocked on the door. Chambliss introduced herself as the queen, and Esmerizizelda bowed before her. Chambliss was surprised, since nobody else in the kingdom showed her such respect.
ESMERIZIZELDA: “Do you know what commands respect more than anything else?”
CHAMBLISS: “Huge breasts?”
ESMERIZIZELDA: “That…and a maidservant!”
Esmerizizelda offered her services as a serving wench and midwife. Chambliss was slightly disturbed by the red sores on Esmerizizelda’s lips, but hired her anyway.
Francis was wrecking stuff at Linens Und Thïngs when the “shepherd” entered. Francis started telling the stranger about everything that was wrong with the town, such as the fact that nobody seemed to notice just how obviously evil Baron Üterrüs is. Francis then started going on about the king’s failings. Francis explained that he didn’t hate King Plough, he was just disappointed that he never used his authority for the good of the people. The “shepherd” was moved to tears, and promised Francis that he would tell the king.
Chambliss Tucker and Baron Üterrüs were having a romantic dinner at The Slop Bucket. As Chambliss told the Baron that she could see the spark of warmth inside him, Kalgon came to the table with an order of baby snow peas, dropping not-so-subtle hints about his own babies inside Chambliss’ womb. Dismissing him, Üterrüs confessed to Chambliss that his “spark of warmth” was alien to his evil nature, and that he needed to get rid of it. He sang a tender love song about his evil deeds and his feelings for her.
Magic Jones was reading a book of spells when Esmerizizelda burst in. Jones was astounded to be reunited with his former fiancée. She confronted him about their past together…Jones was responsible for the infection on her lips, and yet he abandoned her because of it. Jones, in turn, accused her of leaving him for Baron Üterrüs. He explained that he had tried to make peace, sending her letters and gifts. They then realized that he’d been sending all his peace offerings to the wrong address for all those centuries. To make up for everything, Jones agreed to help her with her plan to take one of Chambliss’ babies and live anew in its younger body.
ESMERIZIZELDA: “Help me, and you will have a wife…as an infant child for quite some time.”
After closing time at The Slop Bucket, Kalgon was counting his tips when Francis burst through the wall. Kalgon lectured Francis about his destructive ways. Bummed out, Francis left in shame. Kalgon stayed up all night rebuilding the wall, only for Francis to knock it down again the next morning.
Chambliss Tucker invited Baron Üterrüs up to the Lincoln Navigator. As she went in the back to fetch some schnapps, the Baron started undressing for a night of passion. Chambliss returned, and upon seeing Baron Üterrüs with his pants down, immediately went back for more schnapps.
King Plough returned to the castle and addressed the crowd. He informed them that, now that he had walked among them and saw their lot in life, he was instituting an “open moat” policy, and would now be accessible to anybody who needed his help.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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