Season 3, Episode 21: A New Hope

Episode 21: A New Hope

Cecil, the Chosen One, sent his new disciple Dr. Weeds on a holy mission to Harvard.

Dr. Buddy revealed that he had emerged victorious from his swordfight with Colonel Buttry Butts, but at a terrible price: he had lost his left arm and half his mustache.

Vladimir and Dennis were playing darts in the lounge. Dennis asked Vladimir about Tillie’s absence, and Vladimir responded that he was over his broken heart and was once again a studly man with the ladies. They exchanged some advice about the opposite sex.

ShiShi and Celeste went to visit the comatose Bert in the hospital. ShiShi suddenly noticed the bandaged wounds on Celeste’s wrists, and urged her not to take the coward’s way out. She reminded Celeste that she was a strong person, and told her to use that strength to go on living. She then tried to tell Celeste that Bert wasn’t worth it, being a mob boss, killer, and all-around terrible person. When Celeste pointed out that ShiShi’s own boyfriend, Dr. Weeds, was equally terrible, ShiShi realized she had no right to interfere with their relationship. Vladimir stopped by and put some flowers in Bert’s hand. ShiShi tried to lighten the mood by blowing bubbles.

Leaving the hospital, Vladimir ran into Cecil, who was wearing the traditional black Tiki robes. Cecil told Vladimir about his powers and duties as the Chosen One, explaining the burden of seeing the future and knowing when everybody around him is going to die. Vladimir was curious about his own death, but knew to leave well enough alone and not ask. Cecil told Vladimir that he had to kill the alien Dr. Buddy, but had no experience with such revolutionary matters. Luckily, Vladimir knew all about revolutions.

ShiShi met the dejected Dr. Buddy in a bar. Buddy poured out his heart about losing Mad Dog, 111x9, and his arm, concluding “Now I have nothing.” ShiShi replied “Maybe nothing is all you deserve.” As ShiShi pointed out all his evil deeds and gloated over his comeuppance, Dr. Buddy inexplicably began stripping.

Cecil arrived in Bert’s hotel room and laid hands upon his father, miraculously healing him. Bert asked if he had been technically dead at any point, and Cecil told him “Yes.” Bert rejoiced that his son had fulfilled the Caponé family tradition of killing his father. They hugged.

Vladimir ran into Dr. Buddy in line at the grocery store. Buddy told Vladimir that he believed the disappearances of Tillie Feinstein and 111x9 were connected, and tried to get Vladimir to help him find them. Vladimir refused, but then Buddy revealed that he knew Vladimir’s secret…before working at the Gregorio, Vladimir was the salad-maker at the Olive Garden! Vladimir started wrestling Dr. Buddy.

Dennis was helping ShiShi paint her room, and they commiserated over their problems. Dennis suggested that ShiShi ask herself who she really is and what she really wants. ShiShi told him he was starting to sound like Dr. Buddy.

Celeste found Bert packing up and preparing to leave the hospital. Bert explained that Cecil had brought him back, adding that Cecil had only been fulfilling his family obligation by shooting him. However, Celeste was still angry that her wedding had been spoiled. Bert told her they’d have all the time they needed together now. By “killing” his father, Cecil took control of the Caponé empire. Bert was now out of the gangster business, and free to start a new life with Celeste.

Cecil materialized in ShiShi’s room. Knowing how upset she was about Dr. Weeds’ mysterious absence, Cecil explained that he had sent him on a holy quest to Harvard. He told ShiShi that she was Dr. Weeds’ anchor, the only thing that gave Weeds stability…which is why Cecil had to separate them.

Bert stopped by the hotel and talked to Dennis, who was startled by Bert’s astounding recovery. Bert explained that he was out of the family business, and that Cecil had taken his place. Dennis was worried that Cecil didn’t like him very much, but Bert reassured him that Cecil wouldn’t let those feelings get in the way because Dennis was a “cracker-jack” consigliere. Dennis was sorry to see Bert go, but wished him the best of luck.

Celeste entered Cecil’s office, presented him with a bill for all her wedding expenses, then started ranting about how he’d ruined everything. Cecil tried to explain to her that he had to “kill” Bert to gain control of the Caponé empire and use its power to save the world (besides which, he brought him back afterwards), but Celeste didn’t want to hear it.

Bert was meditating in the garden when Vladimir entered and congratulated him on his return. Vladimir asked Bert to help in the battle against Dr. Buddy, but Bert refused to be pulled back in. As a last-ditch effort, Vladimir gave Bert the puppy-dog eyes.

Vladimir: “We need your help. I am only one man. Together, we are two men!”

After telling off some Little Five Points beggars, Dennis ran into Dr. Buddy. Dennis asked Buddy where his missing arm was, since it would make a tasty snack for the vulture. Buddy observed that the two of them shared a love of human flesh, then offered Dennis his left arm if the bird would join him in his quest to conquer the Earth and use humanity as food. Dennis replied that he would never betray the Caponé family, then pointed out that Buddy was doing fine for himself without taking over the world. Dennis asked Buddy what he was living on now, and Buddy pointed to the L5P beggars. “God bless you, son!” Dennis exclaimed.

ShiShi closed out the evening with a stirring performance of “I Will Always Love You.”

TO BE CONTINUED…