Season 3, Episode 19: Making Plans for Nigel

Guest-starring John Gregorio as Dr. Nigel Nobbs (returning from Season 2) and Jed Broitman as Chuchele.

Episode 19: Making Plans for Nigel

Mad Dog was at Atlanta Medical Center, recovering from the heart attack he had at the end of the last episode. ShiShi had turned his room into a bar to make him feel at home. Dr. Nigel Nobbs arrived and ordered a scotch. After asking Mad Dog a few questions about his symptoms, Dr. Nobbs was about to leave when Mad Dog started coughing and heaving.

Vladimir was going through the old guestbooks, calling up women with whom he could repopulate the earth. Chuchelo Pachangele arrived and asked for a room. Vladimir struggled to write the guest’s name, then just gave up and gave him the keys.

Celeste informed Bert that her optometrist had said her eyesight was deteriorating, and that she’d probably be blind again in a week. She told Bert she wanted to see her own wedding before that, and she got down on her knee to propose. Bert made her switch places so he could propose the traditional way. Since he didn’t have a ring handy, he gave her his gun instead.

Cecil visited Dr. Weeds in the garden and thanked him for setting into motion the events revealing his destiny as the Chosen One. Dr. Weeds confided that only now that he’d destroyed the sun had he discovered a reason to live. He told Cecil that the process could be reversed if a person got into the laser and was launched into the sun to reignite it, although that person would be incinerated instantly. Weeds was pondering whether to sacrifice himself so that ShiShi (and, incidentally, the rest of the world) could live. Suddenly, Cecil had an idea. Since it’s his destiny as the Chosen One to save the world and kill the alien intruder, he proposed finding the alien and stuffing HIM into the laser.

Dr. Buddy explained to 111x9 that he was an alien (taking off his coat to reveal his spacesuit as he did so). He asked 111x9 to be “Daddy’s little henchman.”

Dennis the vulture showed Dr. Nobbs to his room. Nobby found a remote-control, but there was no TV in the room. Pressing a button, Nobby speculated that it might cause something interesting to happen elsewhere. Elsewhere, Bert fell through a trapdoor.

Bert landed in Cecil’s apartment. Cecil told his dad that he was the Chosen One, and that he needed help finding the alien. Bert was astounded: “Oh my God, you know! How did you find out?” Bert revealed that the mafia was actually an alien race placed on Earth to prepare for this final battle, culminating with the offspring of a mafia alien and a Jewish human. Cecil was that offspring.

Still bent on reproduction, Vladimir asked ShiShi to fix him up with her dancer friends from the Clermont Lounge.

ShiShi: “I’ve tried to put that part of my life behind me.”
Vladimir: “Well, I’d like you to put that part of your life right in front of me.”

Dennis visited his old friend Chuchelo. Chuchelo confessed that he was an illegal alien, and asked Dennis to help him improve his English and blend in. Dennis advised him to go to night school at Georgia State, and to change his name to “Steve.”

Celeste told ShiShi about her engagement, proudly displaying Bert’s gun around her finger. Celeste asked ShiShi to sing at the wedding, and ShiShi agreed gleefully…until Celeste asked her to sober up for the ceremony. ShiShi told Celeste that she couldn’t sing when she was sober, and that she couldn’t bear being boring old Doris Mayfield again. Celeste agreed to let ShiShi drink, but asked her to dress up for the wedding.

Mad Dog ran away from the hospital and visited Dr. Weeds. Mad Dog told Weeds that while he was stuffed in the locker room, he found Weeds’ plans…and a Georgia Power helmet, proving that Weeds had destroyed the sun so that Georgia Power would be even more powerful. Weeds admitted that his motive had originally been money, but he’d actually gone through with it for love. Mad Dog revealed that he only had a short time to live, then offered to sacrifice himself to reignite the sun.

Bert was at the front desk when Dr. Nobbs arrived. Nobbs told Bert that he’d found evidence of alien activity in the hotel. Bert asked him what he would do if he met an alien, and Nobbs said that he’d just like to have a conversation and learn from them. Bert was prepared to take him up on that, when Nobby showed him the mysterious remote and asked “By the way, what does this do?” Bert fell through the trapdoor again.

Vladimir was warding off a horde of post-apocalyptic marauders with a flaming mop when Dennis the vulture came by. They took refuge in the hotel, and Vladimir told Dennis that he was leaving a legacy, fathering dozens of children so the Sonovavich line could live on. When Dennis tried to point out that the world would end long before the requisite nine months, Vladimir revealed that some of his children had been born and started growing already. Evidently, HE’S been breeding with aliens too, creating more poo-babies just like 111x9.

Dr. Buddy and 111x9 were playing “Daddy’s Little Henchman” when Cecil arrived, gun in hand. Suddenly, Bert fell into the room. Using his powers, 111x9 forced Bert and Cecil to sit down and paralyzed their trigger fingers. 111x9 demanded that Cecil turn over the Tiki, or he’d be forced to open a can of whoop-ass. Suddenly, Cecil drew a second gun with his free hand.

ShiShi sang an emotional rendition of “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”

Celeste was being fitted for a wedding dress when “Steve” came into the dress shop looking for a job. Celeste invited him to the wedding.

Dr. Weeds and Mad Dog were preparing for Mad Dog’s final sacrifice when Dr. Buddy and 111x9 arrived, with Bert and Cecil as their hostages. (Cecil had forgotten to load his second gun.) Dr. Buddy started gloating about his victory, but was distracted when he saw Mad Dog there. While Buddy and 111x9 tried to talk Mad Dog out of it, Cecil loaded his gun and shot 111x9. Bert restrained Buddy as Mad Dog climbed into the laser and was launched into the sun.

TO BE CONTINUED…