Season 3, Episode 16: The Miracle of Birth

Introducing Alasdair Faughnan as the newborn 111x9!

Episode 16: The Miracle of Birth

Celeste told ShiShi about her recent disastrous audition and bemoaned her failure as an actress. She asked ShiShi for advice on performing, and ShiShi explained how she reinveinted herself from Doris Mayfield to ShiShi LaRue. Celeste decided to adopt her own new persona: Tiffany Fox.

Mad Dog and Dr. Buddy were at their “love nest,” bemoaning the loss of “Little Buddy.”

Dr. Buddy: “Mad Dog, we need to talk about this.”
Mad Dog: “I prefer to drink about it, heavily.”

Mad Dog explained that his diet of corn, cheese and beer was all part of his plan to force humanity to evolve past the need for defecation. Suddenly, something inside Mad Dog started kicking.

Vladimir was in the lounge with Bert, bemoaning his abandonment by Tillie. He explained that he and Tillie had gotten married, but when he woke up after their honeymoon night, she had vanished. He told Bert he was glad he was able to talk to him privately, because Dennis (being a bird) just wouldn’t understand his problems.

Cecil and Dr. Weeds (still trapped in each other’s bodies) were in the lab, bemoaning Bert’s appointment of Dennis as his consigliere. They discussed their fruitless, forgotten plans to kill Bert and destroy the sun, respectively. They agreed to get back to work on those plans.

Vladimir went to see ShiShi, bemoaning his failure as a singer/songwriter. He asked her for help in finding his “inner voice,” and she reminded him about all he’d been through in his life. After a lengthy general discussion about what it means to be an artist, she asked him what made his heart sing.

Vladimir: “I am thinking about the circus. It felt like walking a tightrope…because often, you are.”

Vladimir resolved to turn his circus experiences into a country song.

Mad Dog gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.

Celeste, as “Tiffany Fox,” went out on an audition and landed a gig on the WB.

Dr. Weeds (in Cecil’s body) was making the final adjustments on his laser when Bert came in and berated him for forgetting about it for so long. Weeds informed Bert that Cecil was planning not only to kill Bert (which would have been fine, since that’s a Caponé family tradition), but to humiliate him as well. Weeds then told Bert that all he needed to get the laser operational were two D batteries.

ShiShi arrived at the bar to find Mad Dog fawning over his newborn son. Mad Dog explained that he had fulfilled evolution and become the first man to give birth, having eaten some fashion-model eggs from the internet and fertilized them in his intestines. He proudly showed ShiShi his baby’s birthmark—“999.”

Cecil (in Dr. Weeds’ body) met Vladimir, who bemoaned yet again over Tillie leaving him on their honeymoon. Cecil offered to hunt Tillie down and shoot her. After an extended metaphor about ranchers, fences and rogue cattle, Vladimir agreed.

“Tiffany” ran into Dr. Buddy, and they introduced themselves. They both beamed about their respective good fortune, Tiffany with her audition and Buddy with his new baby. Tiffany congratulated Buddy and his wife, forcing Buddy into an awkward explanation about his unique situation. Mad Dog ran by to retrieve a ball the kid had thrown, and Buddy told Tiffany that Mad Dog was both the daddy AND the mommy.

Tiffany: “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You miss a week, you miss a lot!”

ShiShi and Bert were drinking at the Euclid Yacht Club. They discussed Vladimir’s musical ambitions. Bert explained that he felt Vladimir’s talents were better employed in other areas, so he wanted Vladimir to fail and get the country-music bug out of his system. He told ShiShi that he was glad she was helping Vladimir, because he was confident her assistance would assure Vladimir’s failure.

Cecil & Dr. Weeds checked on the laser, exchanged some insults, and pulled guns on each other. They bemoaned their body-switched status, and wished they could switch back like at the end of “Freaky Friday.” They suddenly realized they’d forgotten all about the laser AGAIN, and went back to work on it.

“Tiffany” went to Bert to ask for money to help further her acting career. He asked her why he should even talk to her after she dumped him. Defiantly, she told him she had no feelings for him anymore…then broke down and reverted to her old self. She cried that she was a terrible person as Tiffany, and that she just wanted to be plain old Celeste and go back to cleaning toilets. They had a passionate reconciliation, then Bert pointed her to his bathroom and told her to get to work.

Dr. Buddy was discussing childcare options with Mad Dog, when Mad Dog revealed that he’d sent the baby off to boarding school. Mad Dog told Buddy that the kid was shooting up like a weed and was already five feet tall or so. Mad Dog got misty over his son’s departure, but when Buddy tried to comfort him, Mad Dog was repulsed by the emasculated Buddy’s “bleeding crotch.”

ShiShi and Dr. Weeds were out on a date. ShiShi told Weeds that she used to look into his eye and “see the world,” but that she couldn’t do that anymore now that he was in a new body. Back at the bar, Cecil and Vladimir were going over their plans to kill Tillie. Simultaneously, Cecil and Weeds wished they were back to their old selves…and suddenly, they WERE back in their own bodies!

TO BE CONTINUED…