Season 15, Episode 3: Hate-Crush

Episode 3: Hate-Crush

Michael Cash arrived in his office to find Lois waiting for their liaison (one of her demands when they renegotiated her contract). Feeling used, Michael reminded her that she could only have his body, not his heart. Suddenly, he noticed a note on his desk reading “I Know What You Did.”

Assistant night shift supervisor Perry Fippler was alphabetizing the tea when Nipsey came in with the news that she was late. Checking his watch, Perry replied that she was right on time. She explained that she wasn’t talking about work…she meant she’s pregnant. Perry was thrilled, though he warned her that his genetics meant there was a 1 in 10 chance that the baby would have lobster claws. He envisioned their life together as a family, but Nipsey wanted no part of his fantasy future.

Santiago came to the dishwashing station only to be ambushed when Patrick Anderson sprung out from underneath the sink. Pat was determined to get to the bottom of Sam Friday’s disappearance, and tried to force Santiago into cooperating by taking his washbin.

The Professor and Chief Cornelius Barto were reminiscing about their old times on the force. Barto told the Professor that he owed him a big favor for taking the fall for him years ago…if need be, he could even have someone killed for the Professor. As the Chief praised the Professor’s heroism in Vietnam, the Professor reluctantly admitted that he fought not for America, but for the Viet Cong.

Michael was trying to go over some reports with Perry, but Perry’s mind was elsewhere. When Perry explained that he was thinking about his night with Nipsey (and trying to recreate her “tugboat” orgasm noise), Michael congratulated him on getting lucky…not only with Nipsey, but with his new promotion from assistant night shift supervisor to official night shift supervisor.

Nipsey brought out some scraps to the Professor’s alley, then confessed that she was pregnant with Perry’s child…and that it might have lobster-claws. The Professor informed her that this could be a blessing in disguise. He explained that Perry was secretly wealthy, so if she married him and something happened to him, she’d get a lot of money. He then remarked that he knows somebody who owes him a favor and could have Perry killed.

Devastated by the Professor’s confession, Chief Barto lashed out, turning over tables and breaking dishes. He handed his gun to Pat Anderson and told Pat to put him out of his misery, since he couldn’t live with the shame of his mentor being a Communist. Pat suggested that they kill the Professor instead, by doing what they do best…undercover work.

Santiago and Lois were having a picnic outside the restaurant, as she recalled the picnics she and her family took when she was five years old…and her father told her to go down to the creek with a stranger. Santiago consoled her by giving her a Capri Sun. She told Santiago about her affair with Michael, explaining that she didn’t like him, but must exploit him. Despite the fact that it was a “hate-crush,” Santiago was still jealous. He confessed to Lois that he was attracted to her because she’s dangerous, and could kill him at any moment.

Disguised as elderly businessman tourists, Barto and Pat infiltrated the Professor’s alley. The Professor mistook them for fellow bums, offending Pat. Fed up, Barto pulled off his sunglasses and drew his gun, threatening to kill the Professor if he didn’t leave the country. In response, the Professor walked right up to Barto’s gun.

Nipsey and Perry went to the salad bar and asked Lois to be their child’s godmother. (“All I want is for our child to get spiritual advice from a convict.”) Lois agreed, then revealed that she was pregnant as well. They all hugged.

Michael and Santiago met to discuss their “Silencio Brothers” agreement to keep Sam Friday’s death a secret. Michael confessed that he had told Perry, while Santiago admitted that he had told Nipsey. Santiago admitted another secret…he had slept with Lois (prompting Michael to ask “WHY?”). Michael cried that he wished it was him lying in the swamp instead of Sam.

The next morning, Pat, Barto, and the Professor were still frozen in their stand-off. Barto finally dropped his gun, crying that he couldn’t kill his mentor. The Professor confessed that, while he did fight for the Viet Cong, he did it only as part of a deep-cover operation.

Perry, Nipsey, Lois and Santiago were being all glowy in their impending parenthood (slightly puzzled that Lois’ pregnancy was advancing faster than Nipsey’s). Perry was a little freaked out that Nipsey was now being nice to him, but he was reassured when he saw the hate hidden in her eyes. She confessed that she and the Professor were considering a plan to kill him. Perry was pleased that their relationship was back to normal. Santiago and Lois awkwardly excused themselves.

Leaving the restaurant, Michael discovered that his brakes weren’t working. His car crashed as he cried out “What the Friday’s?!”

In the alley, the Professor explained that while he had infiltrated the Viet Cong under orders, he still didn’t deserve to live. Pat remarked “So we’re all in agreement.”

The restaurant staff returned to Michael’s office from the hospital, carrying his remains in a pan. They discussed the future of W.T. Friday’s, wondering who should be in charge now. After they agreed that Perry was most qualified, they found a note from Michael on the desk. Michael wrote that he feared that somebody was out to get him, and if something should happen to him, he was leaving the restaurant to the one person he could trust—Lois! Just then, Lois’ water broke.

TO BE CONTINUED…