Season 14, Episode 12: Everybody Dies

Episode 12: Everybody Dies

Reggie Bunkler’s wife, Babs Bunkler, came into Reggie’s office…where Reggie’s dead body had been lying ever since Sasha killed him two episodes ago. Babs reflected on their life together, and how Reggie had spent all her money on this circus to fulfill his family’s dreams. Now, she was going to live HER dream by selling the circus and turning it into expensive lofts.

Gunther Gayfer-Wilhelm and Viktoria Busliftor were relaxing in the spa and contemplating the future of the circus. Viktoria proposed that they could break off from the Bunkler Brothers and form their own circus, if they could get Sasha to join them as their star. Viktoria worried that Gunther could never tame Sasha’s ego, but Gunther replied “It’s the challenge that makes it so challenging.”

Truck Tarkenton and Sasha were shopping for flowers for Reggie’s funeral, as Sasha reflected on the feeling of power it gave her to take Reggie’s life. Truck led her into Reggie’s office so she could make her peace with him. (“Don’t do anything weird…but if you do, there’s a webcam right there.”) Left alone with Reggie’s body, she confessed her attraction to him.

Robbie ‘Bad Decisions’ Knisions and Sealman Rushdie were planning a tribute act for Reggie—Robbie would jump his bike over Reggie’s flaming body as he’s being cremated. Robbie reflected on how he’d never liked Reggie, but his death put those feelings in perspective. He then contemplated the finality of death, saying how ridiculous it would be if Reggie suddenly came back to life. Sealman said that if that happened, he would kill Reggie all over again.

Michel Jacquesonne was showing Babs around the circus and telling her how much he missed Reggie. (“That man treated me like an employee. My own parents didn’t treat me like an employee.”) Babs asked him exactly what happened to Reggie. After going on and on about his own problems, Michel finally told her that Sasha had twisted Reggie’s neck until it clicked.

Viktoria invited Sasha to join their new circus, but Sasha didn’t see any difference between working at either circus. Viktoria then said that she didn’t really have much of a choice…they’d already taken most of the Bunkler Brothers’ equipment, so there wouldn’t be a circus left to go on anyway. Sasha warned Viktoria that she had killed before and would kill again. Viktoria offered to let her kill Gunther if she’d join their circus.

Truck was driving Deb to the doctor to check on her baby. He suggested that they could prove whether the baby was his or Stoolts’ by seeing whether it had stools for feet. As Deb pointed out that stool-feet weren’t a hereditary trait, Truck proposed that they could check for themselves by cutting her open. Deb suggested an ultrasound instead, but Truck didn’t believe in them. (“That’s CGI, it’s not real.”) Stopping the truck in the woods, Truck led Deb to a cabin to reveal…the REAL Reggie Bunkler’s body! When Deb asked about the body in the office, Truck explained that the other body was CGI. She suggested that they could use the fake body for a ventriloquist act. Pleased by the idea, Truck told her he’d put off cutting her open until they saw how the new act goes over. Deb pleaded with him not to cut her open at all, and they came to an agreement: She promised not to let Stoolts near the baby, and Truck promised not to slice her open.

Robbie, Sealman, and Gunther dragged the fake Reggie’s body out of the office to practice Robbie’s jump. As they did so, Robbie pulled down Reggie’s pants to make him more aerodynamic for the stunt.

GUNTHER: “Everybody says I’m gay, and I’d like to point out that you two are the ones undressing a dead man.”

Babs went out to the cabin to visit her husband’s real body. She gloated that she’d substituted the CGI robot a long time ago, and nobody had noticed the difference. Everything was going according to her plan. Just then, Gunther and Viktoria came through the woods, scouting for locations for their new circus. As Babs hid, Gunther and Viktoria discovered Reggie’s body, and were thoroughly confused.

Back at the circus, Deb was practicing her ventriloquist act with the CGI-robot Reggie’s body. Much to her surprise, the “dummy” began speaking on its own: “My wife is trying to destroy the circus! I’m in the woods!”

Sealman and Michel were planning their act, as Michel ranted about how he was molested by clowns his entire life. Sealman protested that his life had been saved by clowns…an elite band of military clowns who had rescued him from Japanese fishermen. Sealman urged Michel to find it in his heart to mime forgiveness, but after Michel went into sickening detail about what had been done to him, Sealman agreed that he should mime revenge instead.

Sasha came into Reggie’s office to visit his body, when Babs entered and revealed that it wasn’t the real Reggie. Babs demonstrated by running a program to make the CGI-robot move its arms and pat its head. Babs and Sasha then revealed the reason for their rivalry: They’re sisters. All their life, Sasha had been the talented one, while Babs was only good at giving blowjobs…so Babs had gotten rid of her sister by sending her to Bolivia, where Sasha was raised by acrobats. But fate had drawn them together once again, as Sasha had come to America and joined the Bunkler Brothers Circus, not knowing its connection to her long-lost sister. After explaining their backstory, Babs began strangling Sasha with a scarf (knocking off Sasha’s wig in the process).

Truck and Robbie were watching porn on the internet when they stumbled across some of the circus’ security-camera footage. Playing the video, they saw Sealman performing for Reggie to distract him, as Viktoria (while she was still “Viktor”) snuck up from behind and snapped Reggie’s neck. Checking the date on the footage, they realized that the real Reggie had been dead for months, and they’d been working with a robot all along. They suspected that Michael Bay was somehow responsible.

The dewigged Sasha managed to crawl to Deb’s trailer, where she explained her family history to Deb. She revealed that Babs had gone mad with jealousy after discovering that Sasha was part of the circus that Babs had married into. Deb agreed to help Sasha get her revenge.

Searching for clues in the woods, Gunther came across the murdered bodies of the real Sealman and Viktor, along with Sasha’s wig. Gunther wondered what kind of power it would take to kill someone as strong as Viktor, but despite the danger, he swore to find out who was responsible.

In her office, Babs Bunkler had gathered her CGI-robot minions: Reggie, Viktoria, and Sealman. She sent Reggie to fire all the performers. She then instructed Viktoria to remember the love she had for Sasha (back when Viktoria was still Viktor), and to turn that love to hate. After a moment of robotic confusion (“How do I remember love when I am ones and zeros?”), Viktoria went to to kill Sasha. Left alone with Sealman, Babs began flirting with the CGI-robot talking sea lion. (“I love it when you say big words.”)

TO BE CONTINUED…