Episode 9: You Won’t Fool the Children of the Revolution
Magic Jones asked Francis of the Rock People to help him search for Baron Üterrüs (whose body was now possessed by the simple mind of King Plough). Francis, who had become an ardent revolutionary, didn’t see any downside to Üterrüs’ disappearance, but agreed to help Jones anyway.
Meanwhile, the mind of Baron Üterrüs was still in possession of King Plough’s body, and had now mastered Plough’s accent, making the impersonation complete. Üterrüs/Plough brought Tarquin up to the treehouse to show the elf how Üterrüs had redecorated. Tarquin hated what the Baron had done with the place, and vented the rage boiling inside him. Üterrüs/Plough was impressed by Tarquin’s bloodthirsty nature, and gave him a position in his cabinet (not to mention the Bloodsword of Tutenkhamun).
Chambliss Tucker told her husband Skip about everything that had happened since she arrived in this strange land. When she explained that she was now queen, Skip asked if that made him king. Chambliss told Skip that he didn’t belong here, and urged him to go back home to the kids and his OB/GYN practice. However, Skip didn’t want to go back to his old responsibilities.
Francis went to the castle printing room and told Kalgon to make some changes in the latest edition of his tabloid.
KALGON: “I cut down 40 trees to make those!”
FRANCIS: “Chop down more! We’ll never run out of trees!”
Chambliss rushed in with some changes of her own, but Francis refused to step aside, telling her that the people were tired of being pushed around. Seeing an opportunity to get rid of her husband, Chambliss told Francis that a newcomer named Skip was pushing everybody around.
In the pub, Tarquin bragged to Magic Jones how he had interrupted Friar Kack’s attempt on Chambliss’ life, then tortured the Friar mercilessly and skinned him alive.
JONES: “You know, the human body can live for three days without skin.”
TARQUIN: “Really? HE only lived for two!”
Tarquin then told Jones that Baron Üterrüs had given him the Bloodsword of Tutenkhamun (strangely, although Tarquin had been taken in by the Baron’s impersonation of King Plough at the time, he now remembered his visitor as being the Baron). Hearing that Üterrüs had been sighted, Jones rushed off to search for him.
Chambliss and Üterrüs/Plough were having an uncomfortable dinner date when Magic Jones rushed in, searching for Baron Üterrüs. Üterrüs/Plough pointed him in a random direction, and Jones was completely taken in.
Kalgon met Skip Tucker and warned him that Chambliss was not to be trusted. Kalgon told Skip that, during his absence, Chambliss had slept with a half-man/half-cheetah.
Üterrüs/Plough paid a visit to Tarquin. When Tarquin called him “Baron,” Üterrüs insisted that he was King Plough. The Baron/King informed Tarquin that he needed to cut down the forest for resources in the battle against the orcs and hobgoblins, who had formed an “axis of evil.” Tarquin explained about the cycle of nature: the trees grow fruit which we eat, then we excrete the seeds that grow into new trees, etc. Üterrüs/Plough asked whether it wouldn’t be more efficient to enslave people to excrete the seeds for us.
TARQUIN: “No wonder I confused you with Baron Üterrüs, with an attitude like that!”
Tarquin attempted to attack Üterrüs/Plough with the Bloodsword, but discovered that it couldn’t penetrate his target’s protective aura.
In the highest tower of the castle, Chambliss urged Francis to crush Skip, but not to hurt him. When Francis pointed out the paradox in those instructions, Chambliss cried that she was so confused…plus, she thought she might be pregnant.
Magic Jones and Kalgon were lounging in the pub. Kalgon invited the extremely intoxicated Jones to join Francis’ movement.
KALGON: “Are you on board? Are you with the revolution?”
JONES: “I’m revolving as we speak!”
Kalgon and Jones sang a rousing song about the revolution.
Üterrüs/Plough paid a visit to Skip Tucker in the Lincoln Navigator. They discussed the way that Chambliss had declared herself queen, and was now trying to get rid of Skip. Üterrüs/Plough invited Skip to join his cabinet, explaining that he needed a man of science to formulate chemical weapons against his enemies. When Skip protested that he didn’t want to harm anyone, Üterrüs/Plough warned Skip that Chambliss wanted him dead.
Tarquin went to Francis’ cave to ask for help with his bloodlust. Tarquin mentioned that he had disassembled a monk; Francis failed to make the connection to his friend Friar Kack, and the subject was dropped immediately. Tarquin explained that he needed to stop King Plough, but the Bloodsword couldn’t harm him. Francis suggested that he try another weapon.
Chambliss Tucker confronted Kalgon, telling him that she knew it was he who crept into her bedchamber last night. Kalgon donned his enchanted mask to escape her wrath, but he put it on inside-out, so it didn’t work. Chambliss wondered how she could face Skip now that she’d married Plough and slept with her new stepson. Kalgon sensed that Chambliss was pregnant with a new heir to the throne…yet another rival for power.
Üterrüs/Plough found Magic Jones in the pub. Taking advantage of Jones’ drunken state, Üterrüs/Plough pretended to be Jones’ old teacher, and got Jones to reconstruct his class project on the principle of forming interdimensional portals. Once Jones explained how it was done, Üterrüs/Plough whacked him on the head with a mace.
Skip Tucker went through his medical case, trying to figure out how to make Midol into a chemical weapon. Francis arrived and saw that Skip was not the pushy tyrant Chambliss had described, but a man who had been pushed around himself. Francis invited Skip to join the revolution.
TO BE CONTINUED…