Episode 10: Skip and a Jump Away
Kalgon was cutting down trees to make pamphlets to spread the word of the revolution, when Tarquin the Gangly arrived, ordering him to stop (since Tarquin thought the whole point of the revolution was to stop the King from destroying the forest in the first place). Tarquin saved a tree by blocking Kalgon’s axe with the Bloodsword of Thogroth.
Chambliss Tucker sat in the castle, preparing to sing about her tortured heart.
Magic Jones and Francis of the Rock People were relaxing in the pub. Jones explained that he was too busy with work to join the revolution. Francis proposed a united force of workers where everybody could work equally hard, or equally not hard. Jones was intrigued by this “union” idea.
Chambliss finally sang her song, which consisted of the single word “Gone.” Hearing that one note, her husband Skip climbed up the trellis to visit her. Skip told her how upset he was that she’d been sleeping around and that she had forgotten how he had always provided for her. She retorted with a rant about how boring her suburban life had been.
The demon Prick found an assortment of magic potions in the back room of Linens Und Thïngs, and decided to have some fun by rearranging them. Suddenly, Kalgon rushed in. Kalgon revealed that he couldn’t join the revolution because he had to take care of Chambliss’ baby. Prick asked Kalgon to consider which was more important: individual freedom or responsibility to others. By the end of the discussion, they were both incredibly confused.
Magic Jones went to Chambliss, concerned by the absence of both King Plough and Baron Üterrüs. However, Chambliss was more concerned by her pregnancy, rumors of which had spread through Kalgon’s tabloids. Chambliss asked Jones to perform a mystical scan of her belly to determine just who fathered her baby. Jones cast the spell, then replied that she should have said “babIES.”
Francis was outside the pub when Friar Kack walked by. Francis greeted his “old friend” warmly, but Kack revealed that he was not the same Kack that Francis knew. Kack explained that all the Friars of Kack Island have the same name and look identical (all being spawned from the Kack Sack). He had come to investigate the disappearance of the other Friar Kack, who had not come home for Kackgiving.
After his argument with Chambliss, Skip Tucker was imprisoned in stocks in the dungeon. He reflected on how he had taken Chambliss for granted, and sang a song about his insensitivity.
Tarquin stood guard by a tree, pondering whether to mark it as being protected in the name of the king or of the revolution. He decided to compromise by marking it “Reserved for ham sandwich.” Suddenly, the tree fell over due to Tarquin using the Bloodsword to write the message. Tarquin realized that the sword killed everything it touched (apart from himself, King Plough, Üterrüs, and maybe a few more exceptions). Kalgon arrived, and they discovered a rock with an inscription revealing how to cure Tarquin’s curse. (“In order to remove the bloodlust, you must find the one for whom you did lust, and take out that which was inside.”) Realizing that Tarquin would have to cut the baby from Chambliss’ womb, Kalgon swore to stop him.
Francis and Kack sat by the campfire, planning a dinner meeting for all the revolutionaries. Hearing word of a dinner meeting, the demon Prick arrived in search of Bundt cake. Seeing Friar Kack, Prick was pained by the sight of Kack’s religious symbol.
Magic Jones was barbecuing his specialty dish of cowduckephant (a duck stuffed inside a cow stuffed inside an elephant) when he heard Skip Tucker weeping in the corridor. Jones invited Skip in, and they started talking about Skip’s own era. Skip didn’t like life in his own time, but Jones warned him that he was needed there…plus, he was in grave danger as long as he remained there. Jones opened an interdimensional portal. Reluctantly, Skip agreed to go home, and Jones gave him a portion of cowduckephant for the journey.
SKIP: “Tell Chambliss I don’t care how many hyenas or whatever she sleeps with, I’ll still love her.”
With that, Skip jumped through the portal.
Chambliss was at the pub, disguised as a peasant wench to hide from the tabloids. As Magic Jones welcomed her, Kalgon arrived and started discussing Skip’s departure. Not recognizing Chambliss, Kalgon expressed great relief that Skip was gone, then started insulting him mercilessly. Jones and Kalgon went out for a ham sandwich, leaving Chambliss alone. Tarquin entered, and Chambliss revealed her identity. Tarquin told her what he had learned about his curse. She suggested that, if he waited eight months, he could perform a C-section, thus fulfilling the terms of the enchantment without actually harming her or the babies. Chambliss picked up the Bloodsword and admired it. As soon as Tarquin warned her about its curse, she collapsed.
Friar Kack went to Linens Und Thïngs to pick up some supplies for the revolution. Finding nobody there, Kack took what he needed. Kack’s deity voiced his disapproval with a thunderstorm.
Prick informed Francis that his greatest dream was…to sing. Prick sang a beautiful, happy song about his life in Hell. Prick wanted no part of fighting or violence, so he walked away from the revolution. As Prick left, the guilt-ridden Friar Kack arrived. His god relieved his conscience by sending down a receipt for what he had taken. Kalgon then arrived, having decided to join the revolution after all. As they gave thanks for their blessings, Tarquin came by and was stunned to see another Friar Kack. They fought.
At the castle, Magic Jones was preparing cowduckephant soup when he sensed the death of Friar Kack. Chambliss Tucker crawled in, explaining that she might be dying from having touched the Bloodsword. Jones urged her to try the healing power of the soup.
Prick was floating merrily through the forest when he encountered a group of Rainbow People. They exchanged greetings of peace and love, and one of the Rainbow People placed an illicit substance on Prick’s tongue.
TO BE CONTINUED…