Although I wasn't there for episode 5, we were fortunate enough to have Lucky Yates as a guest summarizer. Here is the summary for the "lost episode" from a few weeks ago:
Episode 5: “Die, Mommy, Die!”
Nipsey went to the doctor to see if her baby is a boy or a girl but admits to him that she doesn’t have health insurance. He gives her a GOLDEN PAMPHLET which grants her insurance for 1 year. As she appears smitten with the young doc, he then informs her that after 18 tests, he has some bad news…her baby is hideously ugly. He looks at the sonograms and is struck temporarily blind..
The Professor and Lois are busking on the street, dancing a merry jig. The Professor is hopeful since he just asked the mayor for a pardon for killing Americans in Viet Nam instead of the Viet Cong. Lois shares that she too would like a pardon for the terrible unspoken things she’s done in her life. Thinking he has an in, The Professor skips with Lois back into the Mayor’s office to get her one too.
Caroline (Nipsey’s mother) attempts to help Santiago bus some dishes. He thinks she is making fun of her, but then she offers to buy him a cup of coffee. No one has ever offered this to him before, so he gratefully accepts. Over a lukewarm cup of leftover java, Santiago mournes the loss of his tiny fetus baby “Chris”. He vows revenge on whoever bit the poor thing’s head off saying he has memorized the bite radius of the culprit. As he busses the table he notices that the sandwich left on the plate is the bite he’s been looking for, and it belongs to Caroline!
Chief Barto and Perry are playing some mini golf when the Chief realizes that Perry has been cheating on the score card. While getting the crap kicked out of him, Perry asks the Chief if he’ll be his new best friend. And also that he’d like to be a Jr. Deputy. The Chief allows Perry to be his apprentice if he reads every file and floppy disk he’s been lugging around to solve a murder from the first episode. Perry happily accepts.
Pat Anderson goes to the hospital to check on Michael Cash, who is in a coma. Pat parays to the Corporate Restaurant Jesus top make his hero well again, when the dashing young doctor stumbles in blind. Pat and the doctor stumble around in search of some Braille charts so the doc can check on Michael’s status, but Pat becomes overwhelmed and collapses right into Michael’s crotch.
Perry is doing some Jr. Detecting in Michael’s office when Caroline enters, wearing a wire. They are in plain view of the Chief who is just outside the door. Lois enters trying to catch Caroline in an illegal act and closes the door, pissing off the Chief. Caroline fesses up that she needs freedom and money and asks Lois to kill Nipsey for the life insurance money. Lois offers to kill Caroline instead. Perry uncomfortably sneaks out of the office, having seen too much.
Perry goes to Santiago seeking help in the situation he just witnessed. Santiago reveals that he knows it was Caroline who bit the head off of his fetal baby. Santiago then whips out a knife, which is given to every Hispanic person at birth and vows revenge. Perry takes the knife and shows off his mad knife skillz, which amazes Santiago so much, he offers to take Perry to Mexico to compete in the Knife Olympics where the grand prize is Esmerelda- The Prettiest Burro in all Mexico. But first, they snap into action to get Caroline!
The Chief goes to the Professor’s shack to see if he’s heard anything from the mayor. The Professor is crying as he just received his letter of rejection. The Chief then tells The Professor that it doesn’t matter, he’s already pardoned in his heart. The Professor admits there’s only one thing that matters to him and that’s Nipsey. He pulls a gun and claims Black Rambo is Back!
Nipsey and Pat Anderson are having a heart to heart about parenthood. Pat admits that it’s all about making mistakes, and if you screw up really bad, you can always send the kid to vocational school. Nipsey then reveals that there is a problem with her baby, that it’s hideously ugly. Pat then tries to give a motivational speech, but it ends up spiraling into the confused ramblings of an old man.
Perry reports to Chief Barto about all that he’s found. Even though the papers and floppy disks seem to implicate Lois, it’s really Caroline who is behind all of the wrongdoing. Admitting that “that is the opposite of what I thought”, Barto vows to kill Caroline. Then Perry shows The Chief his mad knife skillz.
Pat Anderson is eating his favorite lunch when Caroline joins him. They compliment each other on how they both look but quickly start arguing like the old couple they used to be. Caroline admits that she has shivved 65 women in the prison shower alone, so he shouldn’t mess with her. He asks if Nipsey “knows” (presumably that he’s her father) and Caroline says that Nipsey will die not knowing, hinting that that may be soon. Pat offers his AARP card in exchange for Nipsey’s life. Caroline refuses, and Pat attacks her vowing to kill her. She fights the old man off.
Santiago and Lois are on a date playing Jarts and lamenting the loss of their just fertilized baby. Santiago wants to take Lois back home with him, but Lois tells him that’s impossible since she didn’t get pardoned. Santiago makes a vow that he will join Lois in prison just to be with her. She reminds him that it’s a women’s prison, and he says he’ll go AS A WOMAN! Then they can sell the rights as a hilarious screenplay.
Nipsey finds the Professor wearing a ski mask and asks if he’s been burned. He tells her about Black Rambo. She shows him the ultrasound of her hideous baby and asks the Professor if he’ll be there when the baby is born. He tells her he can’t, since he’ll probably go to jail by then. She offers to let The Professor live in her house and he can be her butler!
Pat Anderson goes to the Doctor to get his lumbar looked at. Then he asks the doctor if it’s possible to be turned into a robot. This is exactly the chance the young doctor has been looking for and rapidly agrees.
Caroline is hiding out in Michael Cash’s hospital room. Perry and Santiago (in a women’s wig) barge in. After a struggle, Santiago pulls his knife claiming “This Knife Is Cursed With The Ghosts Of A Thousand Mexicans!” and stabs Caroline. Just the Michael wakes up and screams “WTF!”
To Be Continued…
Showing posts with label doctor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doctor. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Season 15, Episode 4: Mother and Child Reunion
Episode 4: Mother and Child Reunion
The Professor, Chief Barto, and Patrick Anderson were STILL in a stand-off in the alley, with Barto and Pat confronting the Professor about his work for the Viet Cong (who gave the Professor the nickname “The Black Rambo”). The Professor admitted his past, but said that he still needed to call in a favor from Barto…he needed Barto to kill “the retard” (meaning Perry Fippler). Barto was appalled that, after killing Americans, the Professor would ask him to kill yet another American (and a mentally disabled one at that).
Nipsey was going over the online gift registry for her baby when she got a surprise visitor…her mother Caroline, whom she hadn’t seen in 20 years! Caroline explained that she’d been working on the space station for all these years, but they let her out once she found the cure for cancer. Nipsey was upset with Caroline for abandoning her in a puddle when Nipsey was 9, but Caroline explained that she just wanted her daughter to be a survivor. Caroline wanted to be a family with Nipsey once again, and hoped that Nipsey would name her baby after her (even though it’s a boy). Nipsey agreed to give her mother a chance, but warned that if Caroline disappointed her, she was prepared for matricide.
Perry went to the hospital to see the comatose Michael Cash. The doctor informed Perry that Michael had suffered “a bad boo-boo in his head.” He explained that Michael could hear what was said to him, but in his unconscious state, his mind might interpret Perry’s words in a nightmarish manner. Perry replied that he would be careful not to talk about scary things, like vampires and monsters…then went on and on and on about vampires and monsters. He then assured Michael that he would make sure Michael was awake in time for Perry and Nipsey’s wedding, even if he had to give up an organ to do it.
Elsewhere in the hospital, Santiago and Lois were waiting for news from the doctor. The doctor arrived and informed them that they’d lost the baby…in fact, he had it right there in his pocket. As Santiago cried hysterically, Lois melodramatically bemoaned that everything she touches goes wrong. Suddenly, Lois was struck by an idea: They could use the baby’s tissue to save Michael. Rather than go through all the red tape, they decided to sneak into Michael’s room and slip the baby into his IV.
The Professor placed a long-distance call to Vietnam, asking them to send over his REAL file…the one that would prove he was really a heroic double agent for the US. Thrilled to hear from “The Black Rambo,” the Vietnamese consulate acceded to his wishes.
Nipsey was helping her mother move in, while bringing Caroline up to date about her relationship with Perry. Caroline resolved to make up for lost time by being the best mom ever…until the baby comes, when Nipsey becomes the best mom. On the subject of family, Nipsey wanted to know about her own father, but Caroline refused to tell her anything about him.
Perry, Santiago and Pat were preparing a farewell song in case Michael doesn’t make it. Perry and Pat asked Santiago to compose a number in salsa style. Santiago informed them that, to be true to the salsa spirit, they must hoist him onto their shoulders as he sings. Perry accidentally gripped too high on Santiago’s inner thigh (if you know what I mean), causing Santiago to hit a high note.
The Professor attempted to explain himself to Chief Barto, but Barto refused to listen; when the Professor tried to give him the real file, Barto get-some’d it out of the Professor’s hands. The Professor said that he would lay down his life for Barto…if he could, he would pull out his own entrails and make them into a path leading to a magical place where everything was all right between them. Simultaneously touched and nauseated by the Professor’s speech, Barto embraced his old partner.
Caroline ran into Lois in the cereal aisle of the Publix. Furious, Caroline accused Lois of betraying her. Lois tried to get Caroline’s sympathy by showing Caroline her baby. Caroline responded by biting its head off. As the argument continued, the truth came out…Caroline had NOT been curing cancer on the space station all these years; she had really been in prison with Lois. When Lois got out on a work-release program to work at W.T. Friday’s, Caroline felt double-crossed and busted out. Caroline demanded to switch places with Lois…and she also insisted that Nipsey must never know the truth about her criminal past.
In Michael’s room, Santiago distracted the doctor by throwing tongs at him, then made a fake intercom announcement calling him to the second floor. Alone with Michael, Santiago confessed that he was responsible for Michael’s condition…he was so jealous over Michael’s affair with Lois that he cut his brake lines again. When the doctor returned, tongs in hand, Santiago explained his idea to implant the baby into Michael. The doctor prepared to put it in with the tongs, like a life-sized game of Operation. Santiago warned him not to touch the sides or the buzzer would go off.
Nipsey told Perry that she wanted to name their son Caroline, after her mother. They agreed that, with a name like Caroline and parents like them, their son would be sure to have a well-adjusted, problem-free childhood.
In the Jungle Room, Pat and the Professor were playing cards. Pat was glad to see that the Professor had renounced his Communist past and embraced capitalism in its purest form: gambling. They talked about changing their lives, and suggested forming a Coalition of the Changing. The Professor then changed the subject to Nipsey and Perry’s relationship; the Professor couldn’t stand to think of Nipsey marrying a “retard,” and swore not to let it happen. Pat somehow got the idea that the Professor was going to recruit Nipsey into the porn industry.
Caroline went to Chief Barto with a file full of evidence against Lois (explaining that she found it in a storage facility). Caroline explained that this proved Lois’ responsibility in a notorious kidnapping 20 years ago. Overwhelmed, Barto resolved to bring Lois to justice. Caroline offered to wear a wire. Barto said he hadn’t even begun an investigation yet, but Caroline kept on offering to wear a wire until he agreed to let her. Caroline did a happy dance.
Pat, Perry, and Santiago gathered around Michael’s bedside to sing their farewell song. For the full effect, the three of them climbed onto the bed and rocked back and forth as they sang. The doctor entered, took one look at the situation, and left.
TO BE CONTINUED…
The Professor, Chief Barto, and Patrick Anderson were STILL in a stand-off in the alley, with Barto and Pat confronting the Professor about his work for the Viet Cong (who gave the Professor the nickname “The Black Rambo”). The Professor admitted his past, but said that he still needed to call in a favor from Barto…he needed Barto to kill “the retard” (meaning Perry Fippler). Barto was appalled that, after killing Americans, the Professor would ask him to kill yet another American (and a mentally disabled one at that).
Nipsey was going over the online gift registry for her baby when she got a surprise visitor…her mother Caroline, whom she hadn’t seen in 20 years! Caroline explained that she’d been working on the space station for all these years, but they let her out once she found the cure for cancer. Nipsey was upset with Caroline for abandoning her in a puddle when Nipsey was 9, but Caroline explained that she just wanted her daughter to be a survivor. Caroline wanted to be a family with Nipsey once again, and hoped that Nipsey would name her baby after her (even though it’s a boy). Nipsey agreed to give her mother a chance, but warned that if Caroline disappointed her, she was prepared for matricide.
Perry went to the hospital to see the comatose Michael Cash. The doctor informed Perry that Michael had suffered “a bad boo-boo in his head.” He explained that Michael could hear what was said to him, but in his unconscious state, his mind might interpret Perry’s words in a nightmarish manner. Perry replied that he would be careful not to talk about scary things, like vampires and monsters…then went on and on and on about vampires and monsters. He then assured Michael that he would make sure Michael was awake in time for Perry and Nipsey’s wedding, even if he had to give up an organ to do it.
Elsewhere in the hospital, Santiago and Lois were waiting for news from the doctor. The doctor arrived and informed them that they’d lost the baby…in fact, he had it right there in his pocket. As Santiago cried hysterically, Lois melodramatically bemoaned that everything she touches goes wrong. Suddenly, Lois was struck by an idea: They could use the baby’s tissue to save Michael. Rather than go through all the red tape, they decided to sneak into Michael’s room and slip the baby into his IV.
The Professor placed a long-distance call to Vietnam, asking them to send over his REAL file…the one that would prove he was really a heroic double agent for the US. Thrilled to hear from “The Black Rambo,” the Vietnamese consulate acceded to his wishes.
Nipsey was helping her mother move in, while bringing Caroline up to date about her relationship with Perry. Caroline resolved to make up for lost time by being the best mom ever…until the baby comes, when Nipsey becomes the best mom. On the subject of family, Nipsey wanted to know about her own father, but Caroline refused to tell her anything about him.
Perry, Santiago and Pat were preparing a farewell song in case Michael doesn’t make it. Perry and Pat asked Santiago to compose a number in salsa style. Santiago informed them that, to be true to the salsa spirit, they must hoist him onto their shoulders as he sings. Perry accidentally gripped too high on Santiago’s inner thigh (if you know what I mean), causing Santiago to hit a high note.
The Professor attempted to explain himself to Chief Barto, but Barto refused to listen; when the Professor tried to give him the real file, Barto get-some’d it out of the Professor’s hands. The Professor said that he would lay down his life for Barto…if he could, he would pull out his own entrails and make them into a path leading to a magical place where everything was all right between them. Simultaneously touched and nauseated by the Professor’s speech, Barto embraced his old partner.
Caroline ran into Lois in the cereal aisle of the Publix. Furious, Caroline accused Lois of betraying her. Lois tried to get Caroline’s sympathy by showing Caroline her baby. Caroline responded by biting its head off. As the argument continued, the truth came out…Caroline had NOT been curing cancer on the space station all these years; she had really been in prison with Lois. When Lois got out on a work-release program to work at W.T. Friday’s, Caroline felt double-crossed and busted out. Caroline demanded to switch places with Lois…and she also insisted that Nipsey must never know the truth about her criminal past.
In Michael’s room, Santiago distracted the doctor by throwing tongs at him, then made a fake intercom announcement calling him to the second floor. Alone with Michael, Santiago confessed that he was responsible for Michael’s condition…he was so jealous over Michael’s affair with Lois that he cut his brake lines again. When the doctor returned, tongs in hand, Santiago explained his idea to implant the baby into Michael. The doctor prepared to put it in with the tongs, like a life-sized game of Operation. Santiago warned him not to touch the sides or the buzzer would go off.
Nipsey told Perry that she wanted to name their son Caroline, after her mother. They agreed that, with a name like Caroline and parents like them, their son would be sure to have a well-adjusted, problem-free childhood.
In the Jungle Room, Pat and the Professor were playing cards. Pat was glad to see that the Professor had renounced his Communist past and embraced capitalism in its purest form: gambling. They talked about changing their lives, and suggested forming a Coalition of the Changing. The Professor then changed the subject to Nipsey and Perry’s relationship; the Professor couldn’t stand to think of Nipsey marrying a “retard,” and swore not to let it happen. Pat somehow got the idea that the Professor was going to recruit Nipsey into the porn industry.
Caroline went to Chief Barto with a file full of evidence against Lois (explaining that she found it in a storage facility). Caroline explained that this proved Lois’ responsibility in a notorious kidnapping 20 years ago. Overwhelmed, Barto resolved to bring Lois to justice. Caroline offered to wear a wire. Barto said he hadn’t even begun an investigation yet, but Caroline kept on offering to wear a wire until he agreed to let her. Caroline did a happy dance.
Pat, Perry, and Santiago gathered around Michael’s bedside to sing their farewell song. For the full effect, the three of them climbed onto the bed and rocked back and forth as they sang. The doctor entered, took one look at the situation, and left.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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