Episode 7: And Now Let’s Get Things Started
Bixie Biederback paid a visit to Henson James, creator of the Yuppet Show, to ask for his help in revitalizing her show. Henson suggested that this week’s challenge should be a variety-show act; the best act would get a contract with the Yuppet Show. However, Henson’s puppet Stevie Weasel still held a grudge against Bixie, remembering the night that she stuck him with her bar tab and he had to do unspeakable things to pay it off.
While converting the hot-tub into a puppetry playboard, Poncey Highland and Miller were planning their variety acts. Poncey was thinking of an old-fashioned song and dance act, while Miller was going to turn himself inside out. Miller reminisced that he spent all his time in college getting stoned and watching the Yuppet Show…and now, he wanted revenge on Stevie Weasel for what he’d done to his life.
Rory Manchester was putting the finishing touches on Eric von Landingham’s new cyborg parts, following Eric’s stabbing and disfigurement by Bixie. Wearing a black mask, Eric now called himself Darth von Landingham.
Dorothy and Lance Belligui were practicing the boxstep for the variety show, though Dorothy just couldn’t get the hang of it. Lance told her that it would take a lot of hard work to win the competition, and she replied that she knew all about hard work, having held hundreds of jobs in her lifetime. Lance couldn’t believe her, since he thought that all homeless people were lazy. Offended by the stereotype, she broke up the act and declared that she would go on her own by making a helicopter disappear.
Henson James was talking to Poncey about his work on “The Empire Strikes Back.” When Poncey couldn’t figure out which part Henson worked on, Stevie Weasel realized that Poncey had never seen any of the Star Wars movies…which can only mean that he’s gay. As Stevie taunted Poncey, Darth von Landingham entered, paused, and left.
On the roof, Miller was trying to turn himself inside out.
With his act broken up, Lance Belligui went to Bixie’s office to figure out a new act. She told him that the variety-show challenge had gotten her interested in performing again, and all she needed was a partner to encourage her. They agreed to team up.
In the backyard, Dorothy looked up at the sky and shouted “Get out of here, helicopter!” And it did. Darth von Landingham entered. Having seen Dorothy’s powers in action, he asked if she’d help him make something even bigger disappear—namely, Air Force One. Freaked out by Darth’s new appearance, Dorothy refused. Darth began calling her names to anger her, hoping to turn her to the Dark Side.
Miller confronted Stevie Weasel (“You destroyed my career in humanities!”). Stevie responded by slapping Miller, then taking a hit off his bong. Miller immediately forgot his vengeance and bonded with Stevie as fellow stoners. Miller finally noticed the puppeteer attached to Stevie, and Henson introduced himself. They talked about the Yuppet Show, until Miller upset Stevie by bringing up his arch-enemy Glorf, the piano-playing goat. Stevie informed Miller that the producers wouldn’t let him in the talent show, and were going to send him to rehab instead.
Later, Rory, Henson and Stevie were playing a game of air hockey. Stevie suddenly recognized Rory as the guy from the bar, who had made him do those unspeakable things to pay Bixie’s tab. Rory confirmed that it was him, and that he knew Stevie’s secret…that Stevie is a real weasel, and that Henson James is simply a giant puppeteer-shaped growth. As part of his Illuminati initiation, Rory had filled himself with mutated sperm and had his way with Stevie in order to create Henson. Stevie cried that he only wanted to be normal again. Rory offered to send him to Germany to see Dr. Mindbender.
Dorothy was telling Poncey about Eric/Darth’s transformation. She feared that Darth was going to kill her. (“Somebody dies on this show every week, and he’s got a plastic head!”) She began rummaging through her shopping cart for something she could use against him.
Speaking to the camera, Darth von Landingham (accompanied by his miniature stormtrooper Clone Troyer) issued an ultimatum to the world. Either he wins the contest, or he would unleash the power of the Death Mart…the full destructive power of all of Wal-Mart’s augers and Jiffy-Pop going off at once.
Miller confronted Bixie about the plan to throw him off of the show. She explained that it wasn’t her decision, it was the producers’. (“Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick?” “Yes.”) When she told him “Don’t shoot the messenger,” he turned his bong into a gun and pointed it at her. He demanded that she kick somebody else off the show. Bixie suggested getting rid of Dorothy, but Miller insisted that it be Rory.
In the great room, Poncey Highland demonstrated his talent by giving Stevie Weasel a makeover.
For his act, Rory Manchester rocked out a rendition of “Don’t Stop Believin’.” Stevie Weasel joined in, and afterwards Rory and Stevie discussed what to do about Henson. They realized that Henson wasn’t just a puppeteer-shaped tumor…he was their son.
Darth von Landingham confronted Bixie, demanding worker’s comp for the injuries she inflicted on him.
Dorothy told Stevie Weasel how much she enjoyed having him around. At that point, Rory entered and informed Dorothy that her helicopter-disappearing powers were the result of his experiments. He explained that his reunion with Stevie and Henson had awoken his paternal instincts, and he now wanted to abandon his evil plans. He asked Dorothy to use her powers to send him away with Stevie & Henson, some place where they could live as a family. Dorothy complied.
Lance Belligui and Bixie Biederback practiced their ventriloquist act (with Lance acting as the dummy), “Mr. Chips & Mrs. Tits.”
In the bar, Dorothy was telling everybody how she made Rory, Stevie & Henson disappear, though she didn’t know where she’d sent them. Clone Troyer revealed they’d gone to the Dagoba System.
Meanwhile, on a swampy planet in the Dagoba System, Rory, Stevie & Henson were happily settling into their new home.
As everyone gathered in the great room, Poncey pleaded with Darth to come back to the side of good. Lance and Bixie tried to cheer everybody up with their ventriloquist act, which turned out to be the worst torture Darth could inflict on the others.
TO BE CONTINUED…