Episode 5: Power, Failure
Back from her “hiatus” (read: bender), hostess Bixie Biederback gathered everyone together to inform them that the producers had threatened to shut down the show. The housemates blamed Bixie for losing control of the show, and announced they were going on strike unless they got a new host. Just then, the producers shut off the power.
In the kitchen, Dorothy showed Miller how to heat up canned goods without power, by putting them in your pants. They found a package of Chicken in a Biscuit, but were disappointed to read the label and discover that it’s only chicken-flavored. They decided to catch a real chicken and put it in a biscuit.
Eric von Landingham and Hank ‘The Beaver’ Basker got into a heated debate about their reliance on electric power and the waste of resources.
In Bixie’s office, Rory Manchester placed a call to divert power from his secret generator. After the lights came on, Rory lectured her that he had faith in her as a producer…and nobody proves Rory wrong. He told her to get off the booze, or he would literally kick her off the show.
On the roof, Lance Belligui was setting up a solar panel to operate his camera when Hank came up. Hank pressured Lance to get him into Bixie’s office and fix the scores so that Hank will be in the lead. In return, Lance asked Hank to help him get immigration and/or the IRS off his case.
Eric went to Hello Pizza Kitty and ordered a medium with Epsom salt. He then pulled Miller aside conspiratorially and suggested that, even if the show’s cancelled, that Miller could still get the prize by going through Bixie.
Behind the house, Dorothy was watching the sunrise when Lance arrived and began flirting with her. When Dorothy complained that everyone on the show is crazy, Lance pointed out that she’s the one who lives in a garbage can. She invited Lance to climb in and try it out before he knocks her lifestyle. As they got in the can together, get-it-on music played in the background.
Rory was making some calls in Bixie’s office when Hank sneaked in. Gloating that he’d gotten past Rory, Hank suggested that Rory was losing his touch. Hank’s mockery caused Rory to hear flashback voices of his childhood humiliations, until Rory finally snapped and grabbed Hank by the throat.
Not having found a real chicken, Dorothy and Miller were practicing their food-catching technique with Miller pretending to be the chicken as Dorothy chased him. Miller commented that he probably wouldn’t be doing this if he weren’t stoned. Dorothy revealed that she used to do drugs herself, but gave them up when she decided to become homeless. Miller asked her more about her life, and she confessed that she had a couple of children, but didn’t want to talk about them. She was more open about a more recent event, admitting that she’d had sex with Lance. She worried that he might have filmed their encounter.
Eric was relaxing in the hot tub (which was only lukewarm due to the power loss) when Lance arrived. Lance confessed to having sex with Dorothy and filming it. Eric asked if Lance had ever enjoyed anything for itself in the moment, without worrying about capturing it on film. Lance admitted that he used to enjoy himself spontaneously with his wife back in Viennice.
After a game of foosball in the rec room, Bixie thanked Hank for helping her find an activity to replace drinking. Offering some advice, Hank told her that she’d spent too much time trying to please others, but never found the real Bixie inside herself.
Rory placed a phone call to one of his secret cohorts…Dr. Claw. He informed Claw that he’d been trying to get the deed to Iceland, but needed access to “771.” Claw replied that Rory had always had full access.
In the garden, Hank complimented Dorothy on her horticultural aesthetics, then asked if he could call her Dottie. She reminisced that her father used to call her that. He was a railroad engineer, and she always wanted to follow in his footsteps…until she found out that the engineer doesn’t just blow the whistle but has to actually drive the train, a lesson she learned when she accidentally killed hundreds of people. Hank reassured her that it wasn’t her fault.
Eric stumbled into Rory’s secret room, and Rory congratulated him on his resourcefulness. Eric realized that Rory was part of the Illuminati or some similar world-controlling conspiracy. Rory admitted it, explaining that his associates included such legends as Dr. Claw, Cobra Commander, and the Supreme Hydra; they made cartoons about themselves in the 1980s so that people would think they didn’t actually exist.
In the bar, Bixie had just mixed an alcohol-free mimosa when Miller came in and made a painfully obvious and inept attempt to seduce her. When she informed him that she was now sober, Miller realized that his usual pick-up techniques wouldn’t work. She confessed that she’d managed to keep the show alive by offering herself sexually to the producers. Miller suggested that she could boost the ratings by making the same offer to the contestants.
In the basement, Lance was plotting to double-cross Hank. Suddenly, Hank and Dorothy burst in, and Hank confronted Lance about his treatment of Dorothy. Realizing that Hank had also slept with Dorothy, Lance dropped his camera in shock.
Bixie gathered everyone together to announce that the power had been restored and the show was back on track. She asked everybody to help get the show to #1. Suddenly, Hank had a heart attack and collapsed. As Rory and Eric performed CPR, Bixie pleaded to Hank to stay alive for the show’s sake.
Dorothy and Lance accompanied Hank in the ambulance. Lance blamed himself for Hank’s collapse (“We killed him with our love!”). Taking him literally, Dorothy said that she couldn’t be with Lance now that he was a murderer. Lance retorted that this meant she would lose two lovers in one day.
Hank’s life flashed before his eyes in a flashback montage.
Back at the house, Rory placed a call to Destro. He informed his associate that he had placed formula 771 in Hank’s water to simulate a heart attack, then used CPR as a pretext to place the microchip in Hank’s mouth. The next step was to send Zartan to infiltrate Hank’s hospital room at Grady, and their plan would proceed right on schedule.
TO BE CONTINUED…