Episode 2: Electric Boogaloo
The housemates (including latecomer Poncey Highland) were gathered in the great room, awaiting the program’s “Challenge of the Day.” Director/host Bixie Biederback announced that the challenge was to keep the house clean; anyone not picking up after themselves would be penalized. Rory Manchester protested how trivial that so-called “challenge” was, proposing a real challenge: the first person to go up on the roof and be struck by lightning earns 100 points. Bixie agreed to Rory’s suggestion.
In the “confession booth,” homeless contestant Dorothy told cameraman Lance Belligui that she couldn’t take part in Rory’s challenge, since her hip kept her from going up on the roof. She explained that she had her own game going on; she’d put together a collection of crickets and set up a little racetrack for them. As they conversed, Dorothy confessed that she thought Lance’s mustache was cute, but she didn’t know what to do because she hadn’t had any relationships in years. Lance suggested that she dress up a bit.
Eric von Landingham met his new roommate, Poncey Highland, the stereotypically gay owner of the Happy Waggin’s Pet Grooming emporium. Poncey looked over the room, explaining that he needed to redecorate to reflect his personality. Eric replied that they had to concentrate on the more pressing matter of being electrocuted. More than anything, Eric wanted to impress Bixie so he’d stand a chance with her…and her breasts.
Hank ‘The Beaver’ Basker was cooking a Waldorf salad in the kitchen, complaining that nobody appreciated his efforts. Miller pointed out that his food might be unappreciated because he was COOKING a salad. With his error brought to his attention, Hank groaned that he couldn’t do anything right. Miller suggested that Hank put his golfing skills to good use by hitting a ball from the roof and letting his club attract the lightning, winning the challenge with style. Miller suddenly had an epiphany; by attaching a flux capacitor to the club, Hank could even hit that ball through time.
In the production room, Bixie was viewing the footage of Eric and Poncey discussing her breasts, when Rory entered. Bixie acknowledged that Rory’s idea for a challenge was much better than her own, and asked for further assistance in making the show work. They struck a bargain: Rory would give her ideas, and she’d make sure that he looks good on the show so that he could win the grand prize…Greenland. Meanwhile, on the monitor footage, Eric and Poncey started making out.
On the roof, Lance was recording Hank’s efforts to get hit by lightning. Their attempts to time the lightning strikes digressed into a discussion about the movie “Poltergeist.” Getting back on track, Hank asked to speak to Lance off the record. After Lance switched off his camera, Hank offered him a bribe to make him look good and help him win. Lance accepted, not knowing that Rory had picked up the camera and was secretly filming them.
After showing her garbage-can home to Poncey, Dorothy confessed that she wanted to dress nicer for Lance. She explained that she was wearing eight layers of clothing, and the last two were pretty much fused to her skin now…she hadn’t been naked since 1953.
While playing air hockey in the rec room, Eric confessed to Rory that the combination of Bixie’s breasts and internet porn got him so keyed up that, despite being straight, he made out with Poncey…and since everything in this house happens on-camera, the entire world will think he’s gay. Rory asked him one question: Did the encounter make him feel better or worse? In response, Eric went into a heavy-metal number about his sexual awakening.
While demonstrating how to mix drinks, Rory told Dorothy that he could identify with her because he wasn’t always rich…he lived on the streets for three years. He struggled to survive by selling shoes, until he hit on a brilliant publicity idea. He advertised his wares by tying two shoes together and throwing them over power lines...and that’s how he made his fortune. Because his past was so similar to her present, Rory felt obligated to show her the footage he’d made of Hank bribing Lance. Dorothy broke down over this betrayal.
On the roof, Eric was trying for the lightning-strike bonus by masturbating in the hopes that God would strike him down. He attempted to recover his modesty when Hank came up with a flux capacitor wired to his golf club. After some confused conversation, they were suddenly both struck by lightning.
Poncey told Lance that he planned to win just by being himself. Lance replied that it wasn’t working…the networks were skittish about the gay-kiss footage, and Poncey was currently running in last place. Upset, Poncey broke into a song about how true love knows no gender boundaries. Lance was surprised that a gay man could have so little musical talent.
As Eric and Hank lay unconscious on the roof, Bixie stood over them, trying to figure out who got the 100-point bonus by being struck first. When they came to, it was determined that it was a tie. Rory came up and congratulated them, then walked away with Hank’s golf club.
In the bar, Poncey Highland complained to Miller about the oppressive homophobia he’d encountered in the house. Miller rose up in outrage, swearing to join Poncey in his battle to make the house more accepting. As they shook on it, Miller commented on Poncey’s limp, clammy handshake.
Dorothy came down to the basement editing room to confront Lance about the bribe. He apologized for disappointing her, explaining that he wasn’t on the show by choice. He used to be a cameraman for Jack Hanna, until he fell asleep on the job and let Jack get attacked by a tiger. As punishment, he was sentenced to work on reality TV…unless he could win his freedom. Dorothy agreed to help him, on the condition that they have sex first.
Rory and Miller met secretly behind the Scandal House, where no cameras could record their encounter. After removing a chip from the flux capacitor, Rory offered Miller some special hydroponic weed. Smoking it, Miller fell under Rory’s hypnotic control, and Rory ordered him to forget that Rory had the chip. Miller pointed out that he wouldn’t have remembered anything anyway, and Rory replied that he doesn’t like to take chances.
TO BE CONTINUED…