Season 9, Episode 3: Blanket, We Hardly Knew Ye

Episode 3: Blanket, We Hardly Knew Ye

Having been shot in the neck with an arrow, Admiral James T. Blanket was awaiting his prognosis from Dr. Gaye Hoelikker. She informed him that he had approximately 15 to 90 minutes left to live, and tearfully told him how much their affair had meant to her. She told him that his only chance was a neck transplant from a Soviet donor. She urged him to take the chance, for the sake of their baby. Blanket was taken aback by this revelation.

Prince Schmultan of the Hawk-People gathered his people for a conference, explaining why he killed Daryl Hall and John Oates. In light of this terrible action, he announced that he was abdicating his throne and stepping down as leader…at least temporarily.

Captain Flash Buckstar was anxiously preparing for his upcoming SKEET (Space Knowledge of Electronic Energy Test) exam. Gortex the Klingon, owing him a blood-debt, would do anything to help Buckstar pass…even taking the test for him.

Stephan Fechet and Tamborina were at their Gamblers Anonymous meeting, though Tamborina admitted she only came to meet people. She asked whether gambling really hurt anybody, and Stephan tearfully confessed that he lost his wife & children in a bet.

Admiral Blanket was anxiously waiting to hear whether a donor neck had been found, when he received a surprise visit from his old friend Armageddon Uno, hotshot space pilot. Blanket explained that he’d been shot by Dmitri Turnankoff. Uno remembered that he’d served with a Yeltsin Turnankoff in Spaceforce, and realized that his old enemy was the brother of Blanket’s assailant. Uno swore to avenge Blanket, and Blanket asked him to make it really binding by swearing a blood-brother oath. Uno reluctantly shot himself in the hand, then mingled his blood with Blanket’s neck wound.

Altair-9000 was trying to contact his creator, Dr. Bob Frapples, but was unable to get through. Dmitri Turnankoff arrived, and offered to get Altair in touch with Dr. Frapples if Altair would tell him the secret of the moonbase’s energy reactor.

Trying to start a new life, ex-Prince Schmultan was leading a Lamaze class for Dr. Hoelikker. She urged him to reclaim his throne and lead his people in battling the humans’ exploitation of them. Schmultan declared that he would indeed take revenge on the humans…especially her, since he had killed Hall & Oates on her advice. Schmultan pointed out that the moonbase was powered by his people’s guano, and threatened to cut off their energy source. He contacted his people and ordered them to eat lots of dairy.

Stephan Fechet was administering the SKEET exam when Gortex came in, disguised as Buckstar by wearing his toupee. Not noticing the difference, Stephan began the test.

In the generator room, Altair told Tamborina that he needed to get through in order to contact his creator. Tamborina agreed to let him through, since she never knew her own father, a tambourine player who slept with her mother while drifting through town.

Feeling his life slipping away, Admiral James T. Blanket saw a vision of the ghost of Hall & Oates (merged into a single entity in the afterlife). HallOates told Blanket that he could visit one last person before moving on, and Blanket chose Dr. Hoelikker. She could not see Blanket, but she felt his presence as he kissed her face. After this tender moment, HallOates escorted Blanket to his final reward…namely, Hell.

Having collected the energy-reactor data from Altair, Dmitri was at the command center console when a mysterious babushka-wearing woman entered.

After delivering Admiral Blanket’s body to Earth, Altair and Armageddon Uno returned in a shuttle, catching up on old times. Uno explained that he was now King of the Bounty Smugglers, then handed Altair a dryer sheet as a sample of his wares. Altair revealed that he was trying to contact his creator, Dr. Bob Frapples, and Uno informed him that Frapples was in prison for creating a robot that fell in love with its owner, then killed her. (“Wait, was Will Smith in this?”)

Stephan called in Gortex and Flash Buckstar, revealing that he knew all along that they’d cheated on the SKEET exam. Stephan informed them that he was throwing them in the brig, and that he himself was in charge now. Buckstar reluctantly stripped off his uniform and toupee, but Stephan had to take his mustache by force.

Schmultan informed Tamborina that the station would soon be powerless, and he was warning her because she was the only human he cared for. Tamborina pleaded with him to reconsider, suggesting that his people charge money for their guano rather than stop the supply altogether.

Dr. Gaye Hoelikker was crying over Admiral Blanket’s death when Dmitri Turnankoff burst in, fleeing in panic from the mysterious woman. Dr. Hoelikker informed him that she knew he killed the father of her child, but nevertheless agreed to help him if he accepted a secret mission, which she whispered in his ear.

Armageddon Uno came to Tamborina’s for a massage. As Uno made with the innuendo, she tried to explain that she only offered a legitimate therapeutic massage. Learning that Dmitri Turnankoff was one of her clients, Uno offered her money to let him wear her clothes and wig and handle Dmitri’s next appointment himself.

The babushka-wearing woman was circling around Dmitri, lecturing him about his failure to obtain the moonbase plans…not to mention his failure to figure out who she was.

The power-mad Stephan, wearing Buckstar’s uniform and mustache, strutted into Dr. Hoelikker’s laboratory and informed her that he’d aimed all the station’s defenses towards Earth. He planned to destroy the world and make a new start, and he asked her to join him as his bride. Appalled by his plan but touched by his offer, Gaye agreed to be his queen of evil. Stephan gave her Buckstar’s mustache, and she applied it to her forehead as “the unibrow of power.”

Altair contacted Dr. Frapples on the Computron monitor. Frapples confessed that he was indeed in prison for creating a robot with feelings, but that wasn’t the first one…the first feeling robot was Altair himself.

Captain Buckstar and Gortex broke out of the brig, making their way through the sewers.

TO BE CONTINUED…