Episode 8: Duck Poop
Having had her father recall Miller from office, Sterling Schremerhorn was settling into her position as the new student council president. Unaware that he had been deposed, Miller came into the office to resume his duties. When Sterling explained what had happened, Miller refused to accept it and threw her out.
Gwendolyn Pinchot was up on the roof, remembering the last time she saw her father. In a flashback, we saw Mr. Pinchot showing Gwen her new pet, a baby duck named Fuego. (“He poops a lot, so be careful.”) After a heartfelt moment, Mr. Pinchot left, taking Fuego with him. He told Gwen not to eat before he got back…but he never did return.
The evil German music teacher Mr. Wilfong called Owen Tasker to his classroom, explaining that he saw Owen’s great potential for evil. Wilfong said that the only thing Owen lacked was the killer instinct, but Owen pointed out that he had indeed killed two people (Lewis von Kemia and Poonivich Pantisoff). Wilfong was devastated to learn of Pooni’s death, but impressed with Owen’s accomplishments. Wilfong said that, with his guidance, Owen could run not only the school, but the world.
Assistant Coach Damon was pacing the halls and talking to his dodgeball Pepper. He thought back to a happier time…the day when Mr. Pinchot offered him a job in his pet store. In a flashback, Mr. Pinchot compared their friendship to the bond he had with Fuego the duck.
Sterling stormed into Ms. Munsen-Meyer’s office, furious that Miller had usurped the authority she had stolen fair and square. Ms. Munsen-Meyer offered to “take care” of Miller for her.
Joe Luderman was examining the purse found at the scene of Pooni’s murder. Finding a $10 bill, he realized that there was only one high school student rich enough to be carrying around that kind of money…Sterling Schremerhorn. Contemplating his dilemma, he remembered his old scoutmaster, Mr. Pinchot. Flashing back to the time Pinchot introduced him to Fuego the duck. (“I can’t express how much poop is in my hand.”) Pinchot advised him to follow the duck’s example: In times of trouble, just keep paddling…and pooping.
In the cafeteria, self-reappointed student council president Miller told Mr. Wilfong about his plans to increase school efficiency by 85% by eliminating social studies and grading the students on their social skills at parties instead. Wilfong suggested that he could also increase efficiency by removing the end of World War II from the history books. Miller liked the idea of making history class a cliffhanger.
Gwen was up on the roof, torn between Wilfong’s evil and the memory of her father’s goodness. Assistant Coach Damon arrived and told her that he needed to make a confession. We flashed back to the time that Damon tried to help Mr. Pinchot with his arthritis (from constantly holding the duck) by mixing up a homemade remedy for it. Shortly after that, Mr. Pinchot ran home, bleeding profusely and crying “Damon did it.” Gwen had always assumed that Damon was the killer’s first name; only now did she make the connection to Mr. Damon.
In the teacher’s lounge, Ms. Munsen-Meyer called in Owen Tasker to discuss what to do about Miller. In the middle of their conversation, Munsen-Meyer’s mind wandered and she flashed back to her affair with Mr. Pinchot. Returning to the present, Munsen-Meyer suddenly clutched at her chest and collapsed.
Fleeing Gwen’s wrath, Damon ran into the gym and found Joe Luderman. He explained that Gwen was after him because his arthritis remedy had killed her father. After a brief flashback with Mr. Pinchot, Joe revealed that he was an undercover cop, and offered Damon his protection.
Gwen told Mr. Wilfong that she had found the man who killed her father. Wilfong flashed back to the time he confronted the man who killed HIS father…Mr. Pinchot. In their final confrontation, Pinchot set his attack duck at Wilfong, but Wilfong got the upper hand by throwing acid at Pinchot. Pinchot ran home to his daughter, bleeding profusely. When Wilfong realized that Gwen blamed Damon for her father’s death, he smiled his evil smile.
Owen and Sterling were standing by the lockers when Owen flashed back to his encounter with Mr. Pinchot. Snapping back to reality, Owen tried to conceal his arousal from Sterling. He asked Sterling to help him in his bid for power, explaining that she could hold the title of student council president while he actually ran the school. In exchange, he offered her “the love of a lifetime.” She thought he was offering to fix her up with Joe.
Miller was mixing with the students when Ms. Munsen-Meyer crawled in, determined to end his reign. Seeing Munsen-Meyer on her last legs, Miller ran over and performed CPR. Recovering, Munsen-Meyer remembered the crush she had on Miller in the 5th grade. She could no longer bring herself to overthrow Miller; instead, she asked him to marry her.
In Mr. Wilfong’s sub-basement dungeon, the still-living Mr. Pinchot and Fuego the duck were being held prisoner. Wilfong reminisced about how he had faked Pinchot’s death by switching him with a dead homeless man in the hospital. (“He was black! I can’t believe nobody noticed!”) As Wilfong gloated, Pinchot sent Fuego out to get help.
Assistant Coach Damon was hiding in Miller’s van, but Gwen found him just the same. Just as she was about to take her vengeance, Fuego ran in and quacked out a warning. Pepper the dodgeball translated.
As Wilfong continued gloating, Gwen, Damon and Joe burst into the dungeon. Joe shot Wilfong, but Wilfong plunged his artificial hand into Joe’s throat and chest before collapsing (crushing Joe’s foot as he fell). Released from his bonds, Mr. Pinchot prepared to cauterize all of Joe’s injuries.
NEXT WEEK: Pinchot makes an amazing discovery.