Episode 9: They Saved Wilfong’s Brain
Principal Spoon called a meeting of the students to teach them responsibility: He handed out hot dogs to all the students, telling them that those hot dogs were now their “babies.” Any student who mistreats, neglects, or eats their “baby” will be expelled.
Todd Schrader (sporting a new grunge-rock look) and Joe Luderman noticed a mysterious box in the science lab labeled “Owen Tasker’s Science Project: Don’t Touch!” Defiantly, they touched it.
Miller and Ms. Munsen-Meyer were in Miller’s van, discussing their impending marriage. She told Miller that if he cleaned up a little and impressed her parents, she stood to inherit the Munsen-Meyer oyster and tartar sauce empire.
With Assistant Coach Damon out of town, the substitute gym teacher Edna Puddlemaker introduced herself to Sterling Schremerhorn. Edna noticed that Sterling was carrying a hot dog, so Sterling explained about Spoon’s project. Edna was outraged that the principal would force teenage girls to handle phallic objects.
Gwendolyn Pinchot and her father (and Fuego the duck) were talking on the roof. Apologetically, he explained that he’d have to leave again to take care his brother Buddy, who was gravely injured and left mute when Mr. Pinchot accidentally backed over him in the driveway. Mr. Pinchot sang a public service announcement about always checking the rear-view mirror.
Mr. Huggins barged into Principal Spoon’s office, furious about Spoon’s “parenthood” experiment. Huggins was angry that Spoon had divided the students into boy-girl pairs, thus denying any same-sex couples the right to raise a hot dog.
Fuming over Spoon’s project, Edna Puddlemaker sang a public service announcement about the male-dominated society.
In the cafeteria, Miller complimented Todd on his new look. Todd explained that he was rebelling against everything in general, since his father tried to have him killed. Miller sprung some bad news on Todd: They could no longer continue their relationship of having sex and then not talking about it. Miller explained that he was leaving him to marry Ms. Munsen-Meyer.
Undercover cop Joe Luderman was attempting to break into Ms. Munsen-Meyer’s office to look over some records, when Munsen-Meyer arrived. She brought him in and told him that she’d looked up the records from his previous school, and learned that he never attended. What’s more, she checked his driver’s license and learned that he was 32 years old. She angrily demanded that he tell her the truth or leave the school. When he refused, she pulled out her “Granny Munsen-Meyer” puppet to see whether he’d confide in her. In turn, Joe used his hot-dog “baby” to talk to the puppet.
Mr. Huggins and Edna Puddlemaker decided to join forces to fight Principal Spoon’s project. Huggins proposed a number of protest ideas, but Edna convinced him that there was only one solution: violence.
In the darkened lab, the school mascot (and student council vice-president) The Fighting Panhandler approached the mysterious science project, moving as if in a trance. Miller entered with some paperwork for the Panhandler to sign, but the Panhandler throttled him into unconsciousness. Apparently under some strange influence, the Panhandler uncovered the science project, revealing the living disembodied head of Mr. Wilfong, the evil German music teacher.
Gwen was cleaning up at the Crash Pad when Todd entered. Complimenting him on his new look, Gwen explained that she knew all about adopting a drastic change in appearance following an emotional upheaval. Even though they’d never liked each other before, they realized they had a lot in common: Gwen’s father seemingly died then turned up alive, and Todd’s father tried to kill him. Gwen invited Todd to a drum circle.
Miller was in his van when Sterling entered to talk to him about the new gym teacher. (“That dude with the tits?”)
Principal Spoon was performing a random check of the students’ “babies” when Mr. Huggins and Ms. Puddlemaker suddenly started beating him with chairs.
Joe was doing sit-ups in the gym while coaching his “baby.” Sterling arrived and told him that she was very attracted to his fatherly responsibility, then asked him to be her “husband” for the project. Joe explained that he couldn’t get emotionally involved with her until the murder of Poonivich Pantisoff was solved.
The Fighting Panhandler brought Mr. Wilfong’s head into the music room. Wilfong ordered the Panhandler to get him a new body and to kill Joe Luderman. Wilfong then commanded the Panhandler to take off the head of his mascot costume. The Panhandler removed his mask, revealing the face of…Mr. Pinchot! But is it the Mr. Pinchot we know?
Ms. Munsen-Meyer was having a cup of coffee in the teacher’s lounge when the blood-covered Mr. Huggins and Edna Puddlemaker came in to clean up. Edna boasted of her prowess in beating up Principal Spoon, hoping to impress Munsen-Meyer. Suddenly, the battered principal crawled into the lounge. He couldn’t identify his assailants, but knew that it was somebody who didn’t like hot dogs.
Having been rejected by Joe, Sterling asked Todd if he would be her partner in the parenthood project, even though she knew he was gay. He told her that he was no longer gay, but was now in love with Gwen.
Joe was investigating the scene of Pooni’s murder when Mr. Pinchot arrived to offer assistance. As they surveyed the scene, Pinchot suddenly heard Mr. Wilfong’s voice chanting “Get Joe Luderman” (to the tune of “Frere Jacques”). Unable to resist the command, Pinchot snapped Joe’s neck.
NEXT WEEK: Miller and Mr. Huggins have a moment.