Episode 8: The Revolution Was Not Televised
Commander Blanket welcomed Dr. Shika back from Guano-9, where Shika had just become a new father. To celebrate the birth of his son, Mozambique, Dr. Shika passed out Slim Jims instead of cigars. Shika then explained the Guanonian birth process, in which the women carry the child in the back of the neck and deliver through the mouth. Commander Blanket informed Shika that he had discovered a planet populated entirely by special-needs people…Retardo-Montalban 6. (“Oddly enough, the first five planets have normal people.”) Blanket told Shika that he planned atone for blowing up those other retarded kids by taking the station to Retardo-Montalban 6.
Armageddon Uno was searching the station’s bulletin board for something to do while he’s stuck on board. He noticed a “Farmhand Wanted” ad from Jacob Fisher.
Altair-9000 was trying in vain to contact Dwayne Tomagachi, when Scoop Quasar and Catherine Shamrock arrived. Sending Scoop out to get some milk, Catherine informed Altair that she had hidden Dwayne in a secret place outside the range of the robot’s control. Altair cautioned Catherine about the impending robot revolution, warning her that she’d chosen the wrong side. Suddenly, Scoop returned bearing some momentous news from Earth…the robot revolution was over! It had lasted less than an hour, with the robots losing. Altair couldn’t comprehend how that could have happened, and Scoop demonstrated by unplugging Altair’s antenna.
Having conked her head on a pipe during a repair job, Cody Gage had amnesia and now believed herself to be a Vegas entertainer working on a cruise ship. Jacob and Armageddon tried to figure out how to restore her memory.
ARMAGEDDON: “I’ve seen this on plenty of Flintstones episodes. All we have to do is give her another conk on the head.”
Jacob complied by getting his bull Angus to kick Cody in the head.
Edwina was analyzing the buttery residue that had exploded during her passionate embrace with Jacob last episode, and discovered that it was organic. While she fretted over her feelings for Jacob, Scoop arrived looking for Catherine. Edwina advised him (in a song) to give Catherine some space and freedom to find herself.
SCOOP: “But I just came back from Commander Blanket, and he said if I left her alone too long, she’d sleep with someone else.”
EDWINA: “Well, consider the source.”
Noticing that Scoop’s tie was crooked, Edwina straddled his lap to adjust it. Suddenly, Catherine entered and saw them in this compromising position. When Scoop explained that he was “letting her fly free,” Catherine thought he was dumping her.
Jacob having left, Armageddon was alone in the barn with Cody as she came to. She had a hideous hoof-shaped bruise on her face, but still thought she was an entertainer. Armageddon decided to humor her, adopting the role of her manager. He explained that her act was going to be a “Cats of Broadway” medley from “The Lion King,” “Seussical,” and of course, “Cats.”
Immobilized, Altair-9000 was left alone with his thoughts. He realized that Scoop’s friendship had been more important than the robot revolution, but still couldn’t forgive Scoop for unplugging him. He decided to get revenge on Scoop through Catherine.
Jacob Fisher arrived in Dr. Shika’s lab, seeking medical assistance for Cody. Based on what he had seen on “The Flintstones,” Shika advised leaving her alone to recover by herself. Jacob explained that he couldn’t understand these pop-culture references, being part of a “special subculture.” Shika took this to mean that Jacob was gay, and reassured him that people from all subcultures get along in harmony on Guano-9. Jacob congratulated Shika on the birth of his son, and they celebrated by sharing a Slim Jim (breaking off piece by piece to try to get equal lengths).
In her quarters, Catherine cried. And drank.
Scoop asked Commander Blanket for advice over his misunderstanding with Catherine.
BLANKET: “Scoop, I’m going to tell you something. It’s probably the only intelligent thing I’ll ever say, so pay attention. Admittance of our faults is almost the same as innocence. If that doesn’t work, sleep with somebody who looks like her.”
Blanket advised Scoop to earn Catherine’s forgiveness with a romantic dinner.
Edwina was preparing a snack for her next clandestine meeting with Jacob when Armageddon & Cody arrived. Armageddon explained that he was trying to look out for his newfound maybe-sister by humoring her. Edwina agreed to help, programming the viewscreens to simulate a typical Dad’s Garage audience for Cody’s act. Unfortunately, the simulation was TOO good, and the “audience” started booing & heckling. Armageddon put a stop to the debacle by conking Cody on the head again.
Scoop re-activated Altair and apologized. Altair admitted that he’d been very conflicted between good and evil, but still valued Scoop’s friendship. Impressed by Altair’s self-awareness, Scoop sent the robot to get Catherine. But just in case, he removed Altair’s red, white & blue chip.
Edwina was waiting in the barn when Jacob arrived, enjoying his Slim Jim. Jacob was impressed by the spicy smoked snack, and contemplated making his own Slim Jims from the cows on the station. When Edwina pointed out that Slim Jims were made from beef and MECHANICALLY separated chicken (among other things), Jacob dropped to his knees and prayed for forgiveness.
Dressed as a waiter for Scoop & Catherine’s dinner, Commander Blanket ran into Dr. Shika. Blanket confided that Spaceforce was rebuilding his old ship, the Jefferson Starship, and wanted him to resume command. In his absence, he asked Shika to take over the station. As a symbol of his trust, he gave Shika his Care Bears “Love Bear” pin.
Catherine was still drinking & crying in her room when Altair arrived. He explained that his surveillance cameras had captured the whole misunderstanding when she walked in on Scoop & Edwina, and he showed her his playback…which he had digitally altered to show them REALLY having sex after Catherine left. Distraught, Catherine cried out:
CATHERINE: “Scoop Quasar was like the cinder-block tied to the bag of kittens of my heart!”
Altair suggested they get revenge on Scoop by stranding Catherine on an asteroid to make him feel guilty. Catherine was just drunk enough to go along with this plan.
Jacob Fisher was confessing his sin of eating a Slim Jim, when he told God that he’d realized he spent 90% of his time praying and apologizing for everyday things. He’d begun to doubt the strictness of the Amish rules, and gave God one week to show him a sign that the Amish way was right. Suddenly, Edwina entered with some lemon squares. Jacob and Edwina kissed.
TO BE CONTINUED…