Weak title, I know, but I couldn't think of any other play on "Memento"...
Episode 13: Memento, the Freshmaker
Scoop Quasar went to see Dr. Shika to ask for medical advice. Scoop explained that, ever since Altair-9000 drove a fist into his stomach, he’d been discovering circuitry integrated into his own body, and felt compelled to cut himself off from human contact. Dr. Shika said he would try to help, but warned Scoop that Guano-9 medical science was only as advanced as Earth’s 1965 standards. Consequently, Dr. Shika prescribed heroin.
Since only the left side of his body had thawed out after being frozen in carbonade, Commander Blanket tried to maneuver his walker behind the station’s steering wheel to resume command. He fell and wrecked everything.
Although his trusty lantern had been smashed by Altair, Jacob found his spare in the barn. Edwina Prototype entered with a snack, thanking Jacob for rescuing her. When Jacob protested that he hadn’t really been any help in saving her from Dwayne Tomagachi, Edwina explained that he had saved her another way, by showing her that an android could indeed be human. They exchanged forgiveness, and Jacob proposed marriage. They kissed.
Their takeover having been put down, Dwayne Tomagachi (a.k.a. Angus McMurder) and Altair-9000 were in the brig. Since Altair’s systems had crashed, he could no longer retain new information and had to keep a constant photographic record of everything around him. Dwayne persuaded Altair to bend the bars of their cell, then ran away (crashing into something on the way out).
Feeling very pleased about his military record being wiped clean, Armageddon Uno was enjoying a cheeseburger when a drunken Cody Gage arrived. After nearly two months, Cody had finally gotten their DNA test results back from Grady. The results confirmed that not only were they brother & sister, but they were also twins.
CODY: “Your mother was Zsa Zsa Gabor…and the worst part of it is…she was MY mother too!”
The reunited siblings hugged, just like they did in utero.
General Turnenkopf led Commander Blanket into Dr. Shika’s office for an examination. Commander Blanket fell and wrecked everything.
After cleaning up the lab, Dr. Shika was visited by Jacob Fisher. Dr. Shika explained about Scoop’s condition, and asked Jacob to put Scoop to work in the barn, as far away from technology as possible. Since Jacob’s current farmhand, Armageddon Uno, had proven to be a lazy bum, Jacob gladly accepted. Jacob then consulted Shika about Edwina’s pregnancy. Jacob was considering giving the Amish a publicity boost by promoting the forthcoming Sons of God as a boy band. In response, Dr. Shika showed Jacob the ultrasound, revealing that Edwina’s babies (now quadruplets) were all girls. Jacob contemplated the religious significance of this. Then he told Shika about his proposal to Edwina and his worries about their cultural differences. Dr. Shika informed Jacob that his own wife, Caramel, was a red-skinned woman from Guano-2 who worships the three-toed god, but that they hadn’t let those differences stand in their way.
Taking his first prescribed dose of heroin, Scoop was washed over by a flood of memories.
General Turnenkopf led Commander Blanket away from any objects they could fall over. Turnenkopf told Blanket that he felt guilty about demoting him, and was prepared to restore his rank. In fact, since Turnenkopf was thinking of retiring (“because I’ve embezzled a lot of money”), Turnenkopf wanted Blanket to take his place. Suddenly, Dwayne Tomagachi rolled in, shot General Turnenkopf, and rolled out again. As Commander Blanket told the dying Turnenkopf how much he’d always admired him, Turnenkopf gave Blanket a potato containing the plans Jacob needs for the butter-churn rocket. Then the General died. Commander Blanket realized he’d not only lost a friend…he’d lost his only shot at promotion.
Armageddon Uno was sleeping in the hayloft when Jacob arrived with Scoop. Jacob informed Armageddon that he was fired and that Scoop was his replacement. Armageddon was very upset, especially when he saw Scoop taking his “medicine.” Armageddon threatened to inform the Amish about Jacob’s recent actions.
Edwina told Cody Gage the good news about Jacob’s proposal, and asked Cody to be the maid of honor. Cody congratulated Edwina, even though the news made her even more depressed about not having anyone of her own.
Left alone with General Turnenkopf’s body, Commander Blanket was struck by a sudden inspiration to carry out a ruse a la “Weekend at Bernie’s.” Blanket put the General’s body in front of the communicator and called Spaceforce. Impersonating the General, Blanket ordered a promotion for himself, along with a beach house and two Asian women. Spaceforce saw through the ruse and demoted Blanket another half-star.
Reviewing his photos, Altair-9000 suddenly remembered an important fragment of his past. He needed to find the other four Altair robots so they could form one giant robot. Unfortunately, before Altair could write this down, he forgot it again.
Cody Gage came by the Chicken Hawk to visit Armageddon Uno. They caught up on some family history, then Cody confessed that she was depressed because she hadn’t had sex in a long time. Armageddon agreed to give her some “private time” in the Chicken Hawk, confessing that he had a lot of “private time” of his own in Jacob’s hayloft. After Armageddon left, Dwayne Tomagachi sneaked in and surprised Cody before she could get down to business. Cody was puzzled by Dwayne’s Scottish accent.
CODY: “Now, I’m not very worldly…but weren’t you Japanese?”
Dwayne explained about his Scottish/Japanese parentage, and Cody replied that she was born to Zsa Zsa Gabor and raised by Scandinavians. Starstruck by Cody’s celebrity heritage, Dwayne sat down and started chatting with her.
DWAYNE: “So, what do you like to do?”
CODY: “I like to have sex. You interested?”
Dwayne was indeed interested.
TO BE CONTINUED…