Thursday, November 20, 2008

Season 4, Episode 18: Enter Estrogena

Introducing Mary Kraft as Estrogena Nipplor.

Episode 18: Enter Estrogena

As Edwina Prototype piloted the station to Earth (where Armageddon Uno had taken her daughter Scoopella), Edwina and Jacob discovered that Detroit had been reduced to a smoking crater. As a human/android hybrid, Scoopella was immensely powerful…and when the mood swings of puberty hit her, she went on a rampage.

JACOB: “She’s no longer the daughter of the Lord…she’s now the Antichrist!”

On the planet Pleasure-9, Dwayne Tomagachi (a.k.a. Angus McMurder) and Altair-9000 had mysteriously vanished, leaving Commander Blanket alone with just a tennis ball (whom he named “Schmilson”) as his only companion. Suddenly, a mysterious (and beautiful) woman arrived. She explained that she was from a race of highly advanced she-bots, luring men to their planet for reproduction (adding that they can only produce female offspring)…but that all of her people had left.

MYSTERIOUS WOMAN: “Every instinct is telling me to throw you up against the wall and give you sex like you’ve never had before.”
BLANKET: “I say yes.”

Fleeing the wreckage of Detroit in the Chicken Hawk, Armageddon Uno was contacted by the Keeton-2. He shouted that “All the people who didn’t flee Detroit in the sixties are dead”—putting the bodycount somewhere in the tens.

Jacob prayed to God, apologizing for the terrible job he did bringing up Scoopella. He realized that by pushing her too hard into the Amish way of life, he only wound up pushing her away. Jacob asked God to punish him for his failure.

In the medlab, Dr. Shika offered to adjust Edwina’s circuits & wavelengths so that they could home in on Scoopella. They tried, but the signal wasn’t clear.

Cody Gage (whose hair had turned white from the stress of her separation from Dwayne) was teaching new crewmember Ensign Reggie how to guide the Chicken Hawk into the station’s docking bay. Once the ship was docked, Armageddon was stunned by his sister’s new look. Armageddon told Cody how he had been showing Scoopella a good time, teaching her how to rob casinos and shoot at cops, when she went out of control and started laying waste to the city. Cody advised him not to tell Edwina about the crime spree part of the story.

Back on Pleasure-9, Commander Blanket and his new friend basked in the afterglow.

BLANKET: “I only take off my ascot for two reasons…and that was both of them.”

Blanket was so re-energized by the incredible sex that his hair was no longer gray. He finally got around to asking the woman’s name—Estrogena Nipplor. When Blanket introduced his tennis-ball Schmilson, Estrogena giggled. Consulting a translation button in her arm, she explained that “Schmilson” in her language meant “butt sex.” Estrogena told Blanket that she needed his help to leave the planet. Suddenly, Dr. Shika contacted them on the communicator, and Estrogena demanded that they bring the ship or she’d kill the Commander.

A pained Jacob Fisher entered Dr. Shika’s office, explaining that God had answered his prayer to strike him down…the Lord sent a bolt from the heavens into his rear end. Examining Jacob, Shika diagnosed a case of “heavenly hemorrhoids.”

Edwina threw a screeching fit about the station leaving Earth to return to Pleasure-9. Once she got that out of her system, she sang a heartfelt ballad about Scoopella’s rampage.

EDWINA: “One city’s burned/And now I’ve learned/Not to procreate no more…”

On Pleasure-9, Blanket asked Estrogena to get a sandwich. After she left, Blanket asked Shika to run a check on her. Upon hearing the name “Nipplor,” Shika was aghast. Shika revealed that his father had been a delivery driver for Little Space Debbie, and had died of sexual exhaustion after taking a shipment of crackers to Pleasure-9. Estrogena returned empty-handed, explaining that there wasn’t any food to make a sandwich with. (“We haven’t had crackers in thirty years!”)

Cody Gage beamed down to Pleasure-9 to look for Dwayne/Angus.

As Jacob applied some ointment, Edwina entered with a snack that matched her mood—shortbread cookies that crumble & break up very easily. She felt that Jacob had never truly loved her, that her android nature was simply an exciting novelty for him. She offered to erase her memory of their relationship, but Jacob refused. He told her that his feelings for her were indeed genuine. He also confessed that his plans for the butter-churn rocket “sucked.”

Armageddon Uno and Ensign Reggie got to know each other over a malted milkshake. After Reggie talked about his girl back home and the Harvard scholarship waiting for him, Armageddon observed that Reggie had a LOT to live for. Dr. Shika rushed in, looking for volunteers to go down to Pleasure-9. Armageddon revealed that he had lost his third testicle the last time he was on Pleasure-9, and he was ready for some payback.

On Pleasure-9, Cody called out for Angus (pronounced “Anus”) until she ran into Commander Blanket and Estrogena. Cody pressed a button on Estrogena’s arm, and Estrogena was instantly seized by a need to go to the bathroom.

As the away team arrived on Pleasure-9, Dr. Shika warned them that he had a feeling one of them wouldn’t make it back. He was proved right when Estrogena entered and snapped Reggie’s neck. Estrogena and Armageddon recognized each other.

ESTROGENA: “Armageddon Uno. Long time no fuck.”

After Estrogena taunted Armageddon by telling him she kept his third nut on a keychain, Commander Blanket entered. Armageddon & Shika told Blanket that his new “girlfriend” was dangerous, but he didn’t believe them until Armageddon forced him to do a nut-check. Commander Blanket discovered that “there USED to be two of us!”

Back aboard the station, Jacob Fisher sacrificed a lamb (actually Jim Brewer’s “Goat Boy”) to save the lost souls of Detroit. In response, God finally spoke to Jacob, urging him to continue with his work. God told Jacob that the Amish were indeed the chosen people, and that hemorrhoids are the chosen affliction. When God told Jacob to make amends with Edwina, Jacob protested that she was an android, not made by God.

GOD: “I made the men who made the androids, Jacob. It’s part of my master plan.”
JACOB: “We could’ve saved a lot of trouble if you’d told me that 7 weeks ago!”

Alone on Pleasure-9, Cody Gage repeatedly called out for “Anus.”


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