Episode 4: The Great Escape
Dr. Shika met Armageddon Uno and warned him about the station’s outbreak of space mumps. When Armageddon questioned the doctor’s competence, Dr. Shika decided to put Armageddon in quarantine just in case. He sent Armageddon to Hollow Deck 13.
Meanwhile, in Hollow Deck 18, Commander James T. Blanket and Jacob Fisher were adjusting to being stuck together in quarantine and dealing with each other’s quirks.
JACOB: “Every hour on the hour, you scream at imaginary retards!”
BLANKET: “They’re NOT imaginary! They’re just dead!”
Jacob tried to stop the bickering and make peace by showing Commander Blanket a painting of his family. He told the commander about his parents, Amos and Abigail, and his sister Beth, who was killed in a tragic barn-raising accident years ago. Touched by Jacob’s story, Blanket admitted that he had no family of his own, and would like to accept Jacob as his family. As a sign of his sincerity, Commander Blanket gave Jacob the first pin he ever received…the one reading “Kiss Me, I’m Polish.”
Edwina Prototype and Altair-9000 were having a friendly chat about their common bonds as an android and a robot, when Edwina revealed that she knew about Altair being reprogrammed as a Yamamoto Corporation surveillance drone. Altair belligerently declared that he wouldn’t let her stand in his way.
ALTAIR: “Friend or no friend, I will surveil!”
However, since Edwina’s programming won’t let her stop him in any case, it was a moot point. Altair introduced Edwina to his miniature drone ROGER (the Remote Optical Generating Electronic Responder), then did an interpretive dance explaining his conflicting loyalties between Scoop Quasar and the Yamamoto Corporation. Afterwards, Altair plugged into Edwina and installed some new programming.
Scoop Quasar was trying to figure out what to do about his stories being censored when Dwayne Tomagachi entered. Dwayne handed Scoop the ransom note he “found” about the kidnapping of Scoop’s girlfriend Catherine. Dwayne suddenly “noticed” that the letters were glued on with honey, just like the honey from Commander Blanket’s bees. Despite the obviousness of Dwayne’s frame-up attempt, Scoop remained clueless.
Cody Gage was shoveling pigshit in the corridors when Dr. Shika arrived and informed her about the space mumps outbreak. When asked about her symptoms, Cody admitted that she’d been feeling weird, but that she figured that was from being knee-deep in manure for so long. After she explained that she’d been talking to the manure to make it behave, Dr. Shika recommended that she be quarantined in Hollow Deck 8.
Dwayne suggested to Scoop that he could get around the censorship problem by writing false stories to begin with, so that Commander Blanket would edit them into the truth. As an example, he asked Scoop to write glowing praise for the Yamamoto Corporation.
Dr. Shika was redecorating the bridge when the results of the crew’s space mumps tests came in. Dr. Shika was shocked by the results, and angrily screamed: “TOMAGACHI!”
Commander Blanket came up with an escape plan, using Jacob as a battering ram to force the door open. Afterwards, Jacob was horrified to realize that his head had been used to operate an electronic instrument. Unconcerned by Jacob’s violation of his deepest Amish beliefs, Commander Blanket set out to call off the hit on Catherine.
Dwayne Tomagachi contacted his employer in Japan, Mr. Yamamoto.
TOMAGACHI: “Everything is going according to plan. I have made them believe I am ridiculous Japanese stereotype.”
When Yamamoto asked if the crew suspected anything, Dwayne replied “No, they don’t”…in a British accent.
Armageddon Uno was wandering down the halls when he received a distress call from his ship, the Chicken Hawk. The computer informed him that an intruder was tampering with the ship and that the frozen prisoner Heinous McMurder was missing. Then he lost contact as the ship’s computer was turned off. Armageddon reflected that the Chicken Hawk was one of only two things he cared about…the other being his pet monkey, which he traded to a prostitute long ago.
Scoop Quasar realized that Catherine had indeed been kidnapped when her latest letter cut off in mid-paragraph. Altair-9000 came in, wanting to help but unable to defy his programming. Hurt and betrayed, Scoop told Altair that he didn’t know if he could trust the robot anymore.
Dr. Shika was running the bridge when Commander Blanket rushed in and resumed control. Dr. Shika told Blanket that he thought the space mumps outbreak was just a ruse to get everybody in one room. (Fortunately, Dr. Shika got confused and sent everybody into different Hollow Decks.) Just then, they noticed that the station’s orbit was no longer being maintained, and they were drifting further & further away from Earth.
Cody Gage arrived in Hollow Deck 18 (her own confusion having apparently cancelled out Dr. Shika’s), where Jacob Fisher was still stunned by his use of electricity. Jacob confessed that he may have passed the space mumps on to Cody through Hope, the calf. When Cody admitted that Hope was missing, Jacob was appalled by her irresponsibility.
In the commissary, Edwina was about to prepare veal, but let the calf go after a scan turned up positive for space mumps. Dwayne Tomagachi arrived and informed her of his analysis of the meal she prepared for him in Episode 1, telling her it was poison blowfish. In turn, Edwina revealed that the ingredients had been supplied by the Yamamoto Corporation, who must have known that Dwayne was the only one who would eat that meal…so it must be THEM trying to get rid of him. Just then, Commander Blanket rolled in commando-style and confronted Dwayne. Switching Edwina off, Dwayne explained that he only had Catherine kidnapped to save her from Blanket’s own murderous plan. Confused and embarrassed, Commander Blanket changed the subject by re-activating Edwina and informing them both that the station was drifting away from Earth and towards the home planet of the unscrupulous Mr. Beauregard.
Altair-9000 received a package from Control in Washington, DC. Installing a red, white & blue memory chip, he learned the truth about the Yamamoto Corporation.
Jacob Fisher returned to the barn and found all the livestock (except for some crickets) missing. He was praying for God to protect the animals, when Edwina entered. She offered her sympathies over his moral dilemmas regarding both the electronic-door incident and their own relationship.
JACOB: “All my life, I’ve looked to God for guidance…but maybe finding out something for myself wouldn’t be so bad.”
And with that, he took her hand.
TO BE CONTINUED…