Episode 12: Heavy Metal Poisoning
An amnesiac Bert Caponé was released from the hospital after having been wounded in last week’s big shoot-out. Because he’d been grazed on both temples, the doctors had shaved both sides of his head (but not the center). The doctors also gave him some sunglasses and an old army jacket. Bert’s new look seemed strangely familiar…
Mad Dog met the hotel’s new musical act, the heavy-metal siblings Ebony & Florence Towers, “The Twin Towers of Rock!” Impressed, Mad Dog told them he had their workout video.
Celeste was released from prison, and Vladimir took her back to the hotel. They had a heart-to-heart talk about their recent experiences, and Vladimir declared “We will both go into hotel as new people.” With that, he pulled off his hair extensions.
With Bert having lost his memory and the gravely wounded Cecil still waiting to be admitted at Grady Hospital, Dr. Weeds was now in charge of the Gregorio. Dr. Weeds gloated over his good fortune with Dennis the vulture. Dennis tried to ask Dr. Weeds how his horrible wounds had vanished without a trace, but since Weeds couldn’t understand Dennis’ crowing, that mystery remains unanswered. Dr. Weeds got all moody and suggested to Dennis that they both see a therapist.
Bert met Tillie outside the hotel. He offered to introduce himself, but explained that he didn’t know who he was. Not recognizing him, Tillie was intrigued by the mysterious stranger. They went out for apple pie & cheese, and picked out a new name for the amnesiac: Travis Tritt.
Celeste was at the front desk when the cowboy-suited wrestling manager Bellagio Sphinx arrived. He explained that he was in town for the WCW’s big “Fall Brawl F’r All Y’All.” He took a liking to Celeste, and got her 2 comp tickets.
Vladimir and Mad Dog had a discussion about their band “Gulag,” and the arrival of the Twin Towers. Somewhere along the way, the topic drifted to Mad Dog’s green nail polish.
Eb & Flo Towers introduced themselves to Dr. Weeds, explaining that they’d be performing that weekend. When they described their music as “speed metal, heavy metal, etc.”, Dr. Weeds muttered a sinister offhand comment: “That won’t be missed.” Dennis arrived and told Dr. Weeds he was hungry. Weeds replied that he was too.
Dr. Weeds held a staff meeting. When Celeste asked if it was up to health code for Dennis to be inside the hotel, Dr. Weeds informed them that Dennis would now be in charge of the hotel’s day-to-day operations while Weeds concentrated on his laser. Vladimir traumatized Dennis with the front desk’s quill pen.
Tillie brought “Travis” to the Gregorio. He found the place strangely familiar, particularly the smell. (“That’s mothballs,” Tillie explained.) When he asked about her living in a hotel, she insisted that it was a retirement home. She explained that she’d been kicked out of every other home for sleeping around, then had a flashback to illustrate.
Bellagio Sphinx had a drink at the bar. He and Mad Dog recognized each other and did their secret handshake. They reminisced about Mad Dog’s career as “Mad Dog Maddox, the Wrestling Bonaventure.” Mad Dog explained that he had to leave because of his powerful, forbidden love for Bellagio. Bellagio replied “It’s only natural for a guy to love his papa!” Stunned by this revelation, Mad Dog made Bellagio prove that he was his father by suckling him.
The Twin Towers were doing their sound check in the lounge. Ebony recounted the time Dee Snyder told him to “stick to his guns,” which is why they haven’t changed their act since 1981. They started their set off with “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Dennis the vulture joined in.
Dennis was going over the new front desk policies to Vladimir, who resented having his job explained to him by a scavenger. Dennis taught Vladimir the basics of phone courtesy and customer relations, then gave him a raise. Vladimir got over his resentment.
Bert ran into Celeste, who recognized his voice. She tearfully poured out her heart to him about their relationship and her imprisonment, but he had no idea what she was talking about. She tried to bring him up to speed. When she mentioned Dr. Weeds, a glimmer of memory came back to him: “I remember that name! That is a name I hate, and I do not remember why I hate it!” Somebody paged Dr. Weeds over the intercom, and Bert screamed at the sound of it.
Bellagio Sphinx and Mad Dog went over their family album. Mad Dog began singing a song about his childhood, titled “Father, You Cheated Me.”
Dr. Weeds called Eb & Flo Towers to his office. He told them he’d been listening to their records backwards, and he liked what he heard. Tillie stopped by to return the records, and then Dennis called on the phone to suggest a “Battle of the Bands.” Dr. Weeds liked the idea, and arranged a competition between ShiShi and The Twin Towers. Eb mocked Dennis’ crowing. Dennis flew in and pooped on Eb’s hair.
Dennis informed Tillie that her rent would be going up to $1000 a month. Tillie told Dennis that Passover was coming, and with it the tradition of “Mah nish ta nah ha li lah ha zeh ha Dennis.” Dennis asked if that was a threat. Tillie initially said no, then changed her mind and started strangling the bird.
Celeste brought Bert to see Vladimir. Bert asked Vladimir for a job at the hotel. Vladimir tried to remind Bert that he was the owner, but Bert didn’t believe it. Vladimir tried to get Bert to hit him just like old times, but Bert insisted “I couldn’t hurt a living soul.” Just then, Dr. Weeds arrived, taunting Bert about all the things he’d done to him. Bert started beating up Dr. Weeds.
Celeste: “Can’t we go a week without killing somebody?”
TO BE CONTINUED…