Season 3, Episode 6: Smells Like Desperado

Episode 6: Smells Like Desperado

Celeste met Bert Caponé outside the hotel. They exchanged some pleasant chit-chat about “Power for Living” before Bert asked about his son Cecil, and how things were going at the hotel. When Bert learned that Cecil had refused to give a $20 raise to the blind woman, he was outraged. Bert started ranting about his son’s many failings, and Celeste pointed out that Cecil’s gay as well.

Alderman Snuff had Ebenezer under house arrest for shooting at him, Cecil, and Dr. Weeds (who was mysteriously absent) at the end of episode 5. Alderman asked some questions about the Caponés and Shaky’s mysterious “fishing trip,” but didn’t get much in the way of answers. (“Ebenezer sees all…Ebenezer knows all…Ebenezer FORGETS all!”) When Alderman ordered Ebenezer to come with him, Ebenezer hinted ominously about what might happen if he left the hotel.

Tillie gave Vladimir a clown nose and asked him to do his old Moscow Circus act. Much to Tillie’s horror, he did. Vlad confessed that he ran up a huge bill on the hotel’s account while he was surfing the net. He lamented about his demanding, unappreciated duties, then asked Tillie if she’d ever seen snuff videos of old men dying. Tillie offered to start Vladimir on a new career, using her connections in the porn industry. Vladimir, on the other hand, offered to get Tillie AWAY from her porn connections.

Mad Dog and Doris/ShiShi paid a visit to Cecil, whose face was completely bandaged since his shooting. Mad Dog suggested that Cecil see Vladimir, whom Mad Dog believed to be the Messenger of God ever since last episode’s “miracle of the coins.” Bert entered, and Cecil screamed.

Mad Dog and Tillie went out to a restaurant. Mad Dog suggested that Tillie meet the new Savior Vladimir.

Cecil and Bert had a heart-to-heart talk while standing out in the rain on the roof. Bert asked Cecil who had shot him, but Cecil couldn’t answer. Bert suggested that his wife’s plastic surgeon, Dr. Horowitz, might be able to fix Cecil’s face. Bert admitted his love for his son, while simultaneously lambasting him for his many failures. Bert finally confronted Cecil about his homosexuality. Bert remembered an old lady who might have “turned” Cecil gay—Tillie almost entered during this speech, but didn’t.

Alderman Snuff led Ebenezer to the doorway. They talked about several topics, primarily love.

In the lounge, Doris sang “Smells Like Teen Spirit” while Vladimir talked on the phone.

Cecil called Celeste to his office and questioned her about the shooting. She didn’t know anything about it, so he changed the subject to the raise she asked for a while back. Celeste told him not to worry about it, since his dad was helping her out. However, she did ask Cecil to order some more cleaning supplies. Cecil offered to hire more cleaning staff to give her a break. Celeste was visibly upset, so Cecil appeased her by giving her an empty basket and telling her it was the supplies she wanted. Bert entered, saw the trick Cecil was pulling, and furiously tore into his son. Cecil broke down crying.

Mad Dog knelt and prayed before Vladimir. Vladimir offered a Russian parable to explain that “the miracle of the coins” was just a magic trick from his circus act. A devastated Mad Dog cried out to God.

Doris closed out her act with another performance of “Desperado,” then sat down with Ebenezer and talked about love. Ebenezer was trying to find love for Alderman Snuff after their discussion on the subject. When Doris realized who Ebenezer was talking about, she told Eb how Alderman had led her on, used her for information, then dumped her. Ebenezer was shocked to learn that Alderman had wronged her so cruelly, and launched into a melodramatic vow of vengeance.

Cecil and Alderman met in the bar and commiserated over their respective failures—Cecil’s perpetually disappointing his father, and Alderman’s letting Ebenezer escape. Alderman showed Cecil “Old Muskie,” Ebenezer’s heirloom blunderbuss, and told Cecil that Ebenezer had been the shooter. Alderman offered to get Cecil into the witness protection program. Cecil’s response was to pick up Old Muskie and aim it at Alderman.

Bert and Celeste had dinner at a hot dog stand outside the hotel. They were getting along great, when Cecil dragged an unconscious or dead Alderman Snuff out as a present for his dad. Bert scolded Cecil for bringing their “dirty laundy” out in public, but praised him for finally proving himself a real Caponé. Celeste remained blissfully unaware of what was going on.

Mad Dog lamented and railed against God.

TO BE CONTINUED...