Episode 6: You Say It’s Your Birthday
Circus owner Reggie Bunkler, who now has a baby arm growing out of his chest, was teaching it how to write when Stoolts came back. As Reggie got up from his desk, we saw that he was also growing a leg out of his crotch. After recovering from this shocking sight, Stoolts explained that roadie Truck Tarkenton had attacked him. (“He knocked me down…and it takes me five minutes to fall down!”) Stoolts threatened to kill Truck; when Reggie protested, Stoolts countered “Well, he killed me first!”
Sasha was prettying herself up in front of her birthday mirror when Gunther Gayfer-Wilhelm came in with a gift for her. After warning him that her accepting the gift did not mean they were in a relationship, she opened it to discover it was his tiger cub Schatzi. Gunther explained that, after Schatzi’s death, he had her stuffed by the finest German engineers, who put in a special microchip. Sasha cried that she couldn’t take Schatzi, fearing that she would destroy her all over again. She then did an interpretive dance which ended with her drop-kicking and then stomping on Schatzi.
Bearded lady Deb Henderson came to Truck’s workshop to confront him about his attack on Stoolts. He explained that he did it because he loved her…and the ultimate expression of love is killing a guy and taking his girl. Deb was disturbed by this talk of killing, but Truck reassured her that he would never kill her…unless she left him.
Since his mother had placed a curse on the circus, Viktor Busliftor had set up a laboratory and had managed to concoct a crystalline formula to absorb the curse like kitty litter. A drunken Stoolts wandered by and assumed Viktor had made a meth lab.
Sasha told Reggie that she had devised a special act for her birthday, which would end with the release of 100 white doves. Reggie protested that that was too expensive…at $483 per dove, that would be four grand. Sasha pointed out the error in his math. (“And you wonder why the circus is in trouble!”)
Gunther came to see Truck for advice on his relationship with Sasha. Gunther confessed that he was so smitten by Sasha, he had let his own act suffer so he wouldn’t outshine her. He used to have an act even more spectacular than hers…tigers on the high wire! Truck had no memory of this act, but then he was drunk most of the time. Truck advised Gunther to stop taking a backseat to her, and instead show her who’s the man.
Viktor was spreading the curse-bait around the perimeter of the circus when Sasha came by. Out of nowhere, Viktor confessed that he’d like to start experiencing all that life has to offer, starting with marijuana. She told him he could get some from Truck. Viktor then explained about his curse-bait, and warned her to stay away from it. She suggested he should put up a warning sign. (“No, then the curse will know it is there!”)
Deb came to see Reggie, terrified that somebody was going to be killed. Reggie told her that it was all her fault for leading on Truck. She lamented that she couldn’t break Stoolts’ heart, especially since it was his birthday as well (and nobody had noticed because Sasha was getting all the attention). Reggie suggested that she could bake Stoolts a special cake, and warn him about Truck’s threat by writing a secret message in the icing.
Sasha was practicing in the center ring when Stoolts came by, furious that her birthday was outshining his. He was so upset, he yanked off his red nose and threw it at her.
Truck was building a bomb in his workshop when Viktor came by to score some weed. Truck offered him some of his finest Siamese Kush, grown by Siamese twins. Truck explained that smoking this would let him see the future with one eye and the past with the other. When Viktor remarked that that seemed like a pretty heavy trip for his first time, Truck told him that he needs to see the future and the past in order to live in the now. Viktor bought the dope.
Gunther found the despondent Stoolts lamenting the loss of his nose. Gunther assuring the clown that no matter what else Stoolts may have lost, he had at least one true friend in him. (“I’d take a bullet for you.” “For me or from me?”)
Deb came to Sasha’s trailer to wish her a happy birthday and possibly bury the hatchet. Sasha accepted Deb’s peace offering, and in return, she let Deb look into her special Bolivian birthday mirror, which makes everything look more beautiful.
Reggie informed Truck that he would be leaving town for a circus managers’ conference, and he would be leaving Truck in charge during his absence. Truck declared that he had some changes in mind. Seeing the gleam in Truck’s eyes, Reggie demanded that he turn in his wrench so that he couldn’t do too much damage. Truck protested that he’d inherited that wrench from his grandfather, who went down on the Titanic. Reggie pointed out that the Titanic’s sinking only proved that a wrench can’t fix everything.
Viktor was getting high in the park when a passing stoner asked for a hit. The stoner then saw his childhood and his future offspring simultaneously, freaked out, and left. Gunther came by and took a puff, but he was okay with it. Gunther attempted warn Viktor that Stoolts might hurt somebody, but he was so stoned that he had to say his punctuation out loud as he spoke. Then they started playing hackey-sack with Stoolts’ red nose.
Truck brought Sasha a flatiron for her eyelashes, and wished her a happy birthday. Sasha replied by saying “Happy birthday” in turn, then went into a stand-up routine about saying the same thing back to people even when it’s an inappropriate response.
Stoolts was wandering around when Reggie came by to wish him a happy birthday. The drunken Stoolts mistook Reggie for Truck and hit him with his helmet. Stoolts complained about always getting the shitty end of the birthday cake—that last piece from the corner with the too-sugary rose. Ironically, Reggie had brought that very piece. Just then, Deb came in with a gift for Stoolts—his nose. As she put it back on his face, Stoolts realized it was true love. He proposed by placing his beer bottle on her finger.
TO BE CONTINUED…