Episode 22: Domo Arigato, Mr. Botto
Dr. Weeds showed Cecil a slideshow of his secret mission to Harvard, concluding with his discovery of his long-lost twin sister. Cecil may be the all-knowing Chosen One, but even HE was surprised by what Weeds and his sister got up to.
Vladimir was at the front desk when he met Botto the Bandito-Bot, the last of a race of Mexican robots created by the ancient Mayan astronauts. Vladimir invited Botto to join his revolution against Dr. Buddy Flowers. Botto accepted, explaining that Dr. Buddy (or, as his people knew him, “Dr. Amigo Flores”) had wiped out his own planet. Botto explained that Dr. Buddy moved from world to world, devouring the populace and escaping by means of “The Vortex Portal,” a device resembling a giant skull with swirling eyes.
Bert & Celeste were having a quiet evening at home, trying on matching sailor caps and planning their trip in the Winnebago. Bert tried to sound happy, but couldn’t hide the fact that he was having trouble adjusting to a peaceful life. The conversation drifted to Cecil, and Celeste agreed to try to make peace with her new stepson. Celeste suggested inviting Cecil along on the honeymoon so she could get to know him. Bert couldn’t figure out a delicate way to explain why this was a bad idea.
Colonel Buttry Butts arrived at the hotel and found Dennis disguised as a dog. Dennis explained that the guests felt more comfortable dealing with a puppy than a vulture. The Colonel told Dennis that the Butts family fortune had been lost, and that he was reduced to actually looking for a job. Dennis hired Col. Butts to take over Mad Dog’s post as the Gregorio’s bartender.
Dr. Weeds took ShiShi out to Speed Zone. After Weeds won a plastic spider ring for her, ShiShi muttered “There’d better be a diamond in it.” She then poured out her heart about how Celeste’s wedding had rekindled her own desire for marriage. When Weeds brought up his first wife’s death, ShiShi assured him she would never leave him: “Even if I die on you, I’ll haunt you!” Dr. Weeds got down on his knee and proposed, suggesting they get married in Vegas.
Cecil confronted Dr. Buddy. Buddy knew Cecil had foretold his death, but he believed his new cybernetic arm would enable him to thwart the prophecy. Buddy and Cecil fought for a while, then Buddy revealed that he had secretly transformed the entire hotel into a battle station. Buddy pressed a button at the front desk.
After intermission, we picked up where we left off. Dr. Buddy revealed that that button had just destroyed Brunswick, as payback for ShiShi’s rejection of him. Buddy explained that Cecil’s powers were raw and untrained. He attempted (and failed) to strike a dramatic pose on top of the front desk, then invited Cecil to join him. Cecil accepted, sealing the bargain with a passionate kiss.
ShiShi entered the bar and met Col. Butts. After getting over the initial shock of the Colonel’s resemblance to Mad Dog, ShiShi introduced herself, and they bonded as fellow small-town Southerners. (ShiShi: “You’d love Brunswick. It’s such a peaceful town…they have no weapons!”) Col. Butts offered ShiShi some Dickel whiskey, then regaled her with the story of George Dickel (despite an interruption from the announcer).
Dr. Weeds went to his garden and discovered a letter from Dr. Buddy, informing him that Vladimir had prepared the salad that killed Weeds’ wife.
Approaching Dr. Buddy’s lair, Botto sensed that the Chosen One had turned to the Gay side of the Force. Botto told Vladimir that he was prepared to sacrifice himself to destroy the Vortex Portal. Botto struggled to express the new, unfamiliar feeling he was experiencing for Vladimir…a feeling called “friendship.” They prepared for the final battle, crying “FREEDOM!”
Going through the radio stations in their Winnebago, Bert and Celeste were shocked to hear the news of Brunswick’s destruction.
Bert: “The people of Brunswick are a peace-loving people! They have no weapons of destruction!”
Celeste: “I don’t know, have you ever tried pork rinds?”
Bert felt a sense of obligation to do something for Brunswick and Georgia. Celeste suggested that they have a baby. Bert agreed: “If you’ll let me find out about Brunswick, I’ll knock you up.”
Dennis showed Col. Butts to Mad Dog’s secret liquor vault. Col. Butts confessed his deep feelings of despair at his fall to the lowly station of bartender, his utter poverty, and his inability to fit in the modern world. Butts told Dennis that he planned to end it all. Dennis respected his decision, and asked Butts’ permission to feed upon his carcass.
Dr. Buddy and Cecil were completing their training when Botto & Vladimir burst in. Cecil and Buddy prepared for combat, but Botto revealed that, rather than attempt to take them on directly, he was going to defeat them by destroying their escape route. Botto announced that he was going to throw himself into the Vortex and “blow it all to fuck!” Cecil used his powers to force Vladimir to shoot the Bandito-Bot. Vladimir resisted Cecil’s influence just long enough for Botto to destroy the Vortex, then Vladimir lost control and opened fire, shooting everything in sight…including himself.
Bert and Celeste arrived at ShiShi’s place and told her they’d heard “the terrible news.” Thinking they were referring to her engagement to Dr. Weeds, she replied that it was the most wonderful news ever. Bert and Celeste were appalled by ShiShi’s callousness, and they argued for quite some time before they realized they weren’t talking about the same thing. To explain what was going on, Bert turned on the TV to a Ted Koppel report about the destruction of Brunswick.
Dr. Weeds was drinking in the lounge with two guys when Dennis came in. Weeds told Dennis the good news about his upcoming wedding, and invited Dennis to be his best man. To demonstrate his sincerity, Dr. Weeds killed the two guys and offered them to Dennis as a pre-wedding banquet. Suddenly, the mortally wounded Vladimir staggered in. Dr. Weeds told Vladimir that he knew his wife’s death was Vladimir’s fault…then he thanked him for releasing him from that passionless marriage and freeing him to find his true love, ShiShi. Vladimir told Weeds that he and “Mexibot” (“That’s Botto!”) had sacrificed themselves to stop Dr. Buddy. Vladimir was about to tell one last thing to Dennis, but collapsed before he could say it. Dr. Weeds decided to honor Vladimir’s heroism by burying him in the garden, rather than letting Dennis feed on him.
Colonel Buttry Butts stood on the roof of the Hotel Gregorio, watching the sunset. The ghosts of Vladimir and Botto appeared, beckoning him. The Colonel saw Dennis rubbing his stomach and smacking his beak. He wished Dennis “Bon appetit,” then jumped.
TO BE CONTINUED…