Thursday, February 25, 2010

Season 15, Episode 1: Welcome to W.T. Friday's!

A new season of SCANDAL! has begun...this time set in the wild, cutthroat world of the restaurant industry!

Last Week in SCANDAL!
Episode 1: Welcome to W.T. Friday’s!

Michael Cash, manager of the popular restaurant W.T. Friday’s, was holding a meeting with the assistant night shift supervisor Perry Fickler, to discuss the lengthy list of suggestions from Sam Friday (grandson of founder W.T. Friday). Among Sam’s recommendations, he urged them to replace the urinal cakes more often. Michael furiously protested that they couldn’t afford such extravagance, until Perry calmed him down by offering him a Mountain Dew.

Lois, a convict who had been assigned to the salad bar as part of her work-release program, was washing dishes when Santiago the busboy arrived. When Santiago pointed out that she was doing his job, Lois suggested that he just supervise her as she finishes. Thrilled by his unexpected (and unauthorized) promotion to supervisor, Santiago went power-mad and immediately issued a performance evaluation. Lois then began flirting with him.

Nipsey the waitress approached local “street entrepreneur” The Professor to discuss the recent car break-ins in the restaurant parking lot. Outraged that she’d assume he was guilty because he’s homeless, the Professor declared that he didn’t need to steal because he has security, proudly showing her his silver carrying case. When she asked where he got it, he sheepishly admitted “A car.” As Nipsey opened the case, the Professor explained that it was a portable phone from the ’80s. Nipsey was awestruck when she realized it wasn’t just a phone FROM the ’80s…it’s a phone TO the ’80s.

Sam Friday was talking to Pat Anderson, an old-timer customer who remembered Sam’s grandfather W.T. (“He expects a lot of you…and he thinks you’re gonna fail him.”) Sam explained that, even though he didn’t work there and had no actual authority over the restaurant, he still believed that his heritage gave him a say in how it was run. Pat told Sam that he needed to assert himself, and to build himself up by tearing Michael down.

Santiago went to Michael’s office with an evaluation report on Lois. Michael pointed out that not only was Santiago not a supervisor, but a 45-page document on dishwashing was overkill. Michael warned Santiago not to overstep his bounds, or he’d attract the attention of the immigration authorities. He then explained that he had to hold Santiago back for his own good.

The Professor went to Lois for advice, explaining that he wanted very much to be part of the W.T. Friday’s establishment. Lois replied that she wasn’t truly a part of the restaurant, but only a prisoner…and she’d rather be back in her cell than stuck here. They contemplated some way of switching places.

The other customers grew impatient as Nipsey took Pat Anderson’s incredibly long-winded, elaborate order. Fed up, Nipsey told Pat he was getting a hamburger. Pat passive-agressively apologized for making her do her job, then offered to go out to his station wagon and shoot himself. Nipsey told Pat that this was why nobody else ever waits on him, then suggested that he come in on a Tuesday afternoon, when there’s no rush and he can ramble on to his heart’s content.

Sam Friday went to the manager’s office to talk to Perry. Sam believed that Michael was slacking on the job, so he wanted Perry to spy on him. Perry remarked that if he wasn’t so heavily medicated, he would hit Sam for asking him to betray a friend. Sam retorted that Michael was nobody’s friend. Just then, Michael came in and asked them to get out of his office.

Santiago led Lois to her sleeping quarters, prompting her to reminisce about her youth, growing up in a hothouse in Alabama where the flowers bloomed just for her. Her story gradually lulled Santiago to sleep.

Perry went to persuade Nipsey to join him against Sam, but had great difficulty working up the courage to talk to her. He finally got around to telling her about Sam’s “rules,” but Nipsey pointed out that Sam had no standing in the restaurant, so all his suggestions can be ignored. Perry worried that Sam was planning to get rid of Michael one way or another.

Pat was out in the alley, looking for his silver case, when he found the Professor using it as a pillow. Pat woke up the Professor and warned him of the phone’s power. The Professor asked just one favor…he wanted to use the phone to call his past self in the ’80s.. Pat warned him that tampering with the past could have disastrous ramifications, but the Professor pointed out that he already lived in an alley, so how could things get worse?

As Michael walked out to his car, Sam demanded to know where he was going. Michael explained that he was going to pick up urinal cakes, but Sam accused him of going off to sleep on the job. Fed up, Michael handed Sam his car keys and told him to go pick up the cakes himself.

Pat asked Nipsey if there were some way to exile the Professor from the restaurant. Upset, Nipsey declared that the Professor was her mentor. She explained that he kept her safe by walking her to her car at night, and Pat suggested that he could do that for her. They realized that they both just wanted what was best for the restaurant. Then they started singing the “Family Ties” theme.

At the salad bar, Perry pointed out to Lois that she was out of parmesan croutons. She dramatically declared that she would remember and attend to the problem. When Perry asked about her grandiose manner, she explained that she had a theatrical background. He asked her to recommend a play about revenge, prompting her to re-enact a scene from her one-woman show “She’s So Angry.” Perry replied that he meant a REAL play.

Santiago crept into the office, where he found Michael standing over a pool of blood and a pair of shoes. Michael explained that, after Sam pulled out in his car, there was a terrible accident. Michael revealed that he had pulled Sam’s bloody body out of the wreckage, then disposed of it by dissolving it in Clorox. Santiago confessed that he had cut the brakeline to Michael’s car in revenge for Michael’s treatment of him…but he never expected anybody to get hurt, he just thought it would result in a comically slapstick “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.” Bonded by their mutual guilt, Michael and Santiago agreed to keep Sam’s death a secret between them.


Thursday, February 18, 2010

Season 14, Episode 14: The (Long-Overdue) Grand Finale

With the new season of SCANDAL! starting up this week, I just realized that I'd neglected to post the synopsis of last season's final episode. So, better late than never, here it is...

Episode 14: The Grand Finale

Having killed Babs Bunkler and eaten her heart, Sasha now declared herself the leader of the circus. Robbie ‘Bad Decisions’ Knisions insisted that he was more qualified to run the circus. He demanded that they hold an election to decide who’s in charge. Sasha agreed, and stated that she would gets Stoolts to be her campaign manager. Robbie responded by hiring a campaign manager of his own…namely, Sasha.

Truck Tarkenton, having acquired Sasha’s acrobatic skills when she gave him her hair, was practicing his act. He realized that, though he had the talent, his pants were limiting his movement. The mime Michel Jacquessonne suggested that he take them off…so Truck did so.

Gunther Gayfer-Wilhelm was testing his new whip when the CGI robot Viktoria Busliftor came in. After briefly discussing the election (in which Viktoria, not being human, had no vote), Viktoria informed Gunther that she’d had CGI ovaries implanted, but she needed a new programmer to make her a complete woman. Viktoria believed Gunther had the skills to help her.

Deb Henderson was practicing her Lamaze exercises, with Sealman Rushdie acting as her coach. Sealman mused about his own numerous children, whom he’d abandoned to pursue his career. Deb was amazed that a CGI robot could have children, and Sealman responded that there are many things people don’t understand about CGI robots. Sealman informed Deb that there was only one person capable of changing his programming…namely, Deb’s long-estranged mother Delta Burke.

Meeting with Sasha, Stoolts suggested a campaign slogan: “Vote for the Big Ol’ Lesbian.” When Sasha protested that she’s not gay, Stools dismissively replied that she appeals to that demographic. Continuing the theme, Stoolts performed a campaign jingle to the tune of “Closer to Fine.” Suddenly, he was interrupted by the arrival of Delta Burke. Sasha was amazed to see her idol.

SASHA: “I watched Designing Women all the time! That’s how I learned English!”
STOOLTS: “And that’s how I learned to masturbate!”

Truck Tarkenton came to Gunther’s tent for fashion advice to go with his new beautiful hair. As they talked, Gunther discovered a bomb hidden in his tiger’s cage. Truck casually admitted that he was planning to blow up the circus, rather than let it fall apart under either Sasha or Robbie’s control. Gunther realized that acquiring Sasha’s hair had driven Truck mad.

Meanwhile, Robbie was practicing his campaign speech:

ROBBIE: “I know you’re asking yourself, ‘Why would I elect somebody whose middle name is Bad Decisions?’ Well, haven’t you done that twice this millennium?”

His speech was interrupted when Delta Burke entered, declaring that she’d come to take her daughter away from this circus life. Robbie responded by flirtatiously sucking Delta’s fingers.

Deb Henderson and Michel Jacquesson were building a nursery, as Deb told him the story of her youth growing up as a bearded girl in Chatsworth. Michel attempted to help her emotional issues by re-enacting her life in mime. Deb then returned the favor by re-enacting Michel’s incredibly twisted childhood.

Sealman went to Stoolts for advice on what it means to be truly alive. Stoolts told Sealman to think of himself as a piece of fruit. Inspired, Sealman declared “I’m not a Kroger-on-Ponce fruit, I’m a Whole Foods fruit!”

Deb was finally reunited with her mother. Deb explained to Delta that she’d run away to spare Delta the shame of having a hairy daughter.

DELTA: “On a scale of 1 to 100, I hate facial hair on a woman at 99…but I love you 100.”

Delta confessed that she missed Deb so much, she’d given up her acting career to devote her time to figuring out a way to make CGI characters real, just so she could make a CGI duplicate of Deb.

Michel Jacquesson ran into Viktoria Busliftor. Viktoria confessed that she had been avoiding Michel because she was deeply in love with him, even before he joined the circus. In fact, she was the one responsible for all the hits on his website.

Wearing Sasha’s tights and tutu, Truck informed Viktoria that Sasha’s hair was taking over his personality…it had turned him sexy and evil. Viktoria sympathized, having gone through a sex-change himself. Truck clarified that he had not actually changed into a woman.

TRUCK: “I still got a wiener, dawg.”
VIKTORIA: “A dachsund?”

Gunther sought out Michel for help in foiling Truck’s bomb plot. Michel agreed, pulling out his mime wire-cutters.

Delta Burke completed her reprogramming on Sealman, informing him that he was now completely real…though he still would no longer fit in either the human or the sea lion world. She then broke into a song about her knowledge of aquatic mammals. Sealman urged her to reconcile with Deb for the sake of Deb’s child. Delta was shocked that anybody would have sex with Deb.

Robbie was practicing his latest stunt when he accidentally knocked over Truck’s bomb. Michel rushed in and realized he was too late; Robbie had set in motion an elaborate Rube Goldberg-like system that would start the detonation sequence. Robbie urged Michel to save himself, if it comes to that.

Deb rushed into Stoolts’ tent and warned him that a bomb was about to go off. Stoolts assumed this was a metaphor for Deb’s water breaking.

Delta Burke ran into Gunther Gayfer-Wilhelm…which was awkward, as they’d had a fling several years back, before she met Gerald McRaney. Delta apologized for turning Gunther gay by breaking up with him. Once again, Gunther insisted that he’s not gay.

Sealman and Viktoria delivered their farewell performance in the center ring, while simultaneously discussing the election. Viktoria realized that, as CGI robots, they could hack into the Deibold system and use the election results to defuse the bomb. They urged the audience to cast their votes now, declaring “Any vote is a vote to defuse.”

Sasha ran into Deb, who was going into labor. As Sasha helped deliver the baby, Gunther rushed in and shouted “Don’t cut that cord! It’s connected to the bomb!”

Truck was in his lair, waiting for the bomb to go off, when Stoolts slowly rushed in to stop him. As Truck gloated that Stoolts would never stop him, Sasha brought in the one weapon that could defeat Truck…Truck’s trusty wrench. Stoolts took the wrench and threw it at Truck’s crotch. A chase ensued, leading to the center ring where everybody was trying to deal with both the bomb and the birth. Gunther dealt the finishing blow to Truck by pulling Sasha’s hair off of his head. As Deb was about to give birth, Robbie urged them to go ahead and cut the cord…we would then throw himself onto the bomb and absorb the blast with his body fat.

SEALMAN: “I don’t want to worry anybody, but is anyone concerned that we’re following a plan by a man named ‘Bad Decisions’?”

Sasha was moved by Robbie’s decision to sacrifice himself, and she declared that he truly was the leader of the circus. Robbie responded with a sarcastic “Well, thanks a lot!” Just then, Deb gave birth and Delta Burke cut the cord. The bomb went off, but Robbie’s body shielded everybody from the blast. The survivors celebrated the new life that had been brought into the world…and with it, a new beginning to the circus.